For some things, you still need a man. Read more →
October 2001
Harriet and Harriet
I couldn’t help noticing that Harriet Quimby is a lot prettier than Harriet Tubman. Read more →
“As I Walked Out One Evening” by W.H. Auden
As I walked out one evening, Walking down Bristol Street, The crowds upon the pavement Were fields of harvest wheat. [Read more . . .] Read more →
Who Wants to Be a Salesman?
Our new Sales VP came down from his office on the 7th floor to the development area on the 4th floor. He was gripping and waggling a golf club, a driver. As you might imagine, we don’t have a golf course on the 4th floor — so why is this jackass holding a golf club? Does he want to be a golfer? Could we possibly find a salesman who wants to be a salesman? Not coincidentally, our booking of new business since his arrival has been nonexistent. He only seems to be able to keep one piece of information in his head at any given time — and usually that piece of information is his next tee time. We got an email from him the other day stating that anyone who brings in a qualified sales lead that is subsequently closed and billed will be paid $1,000. Honestly, if I… Read more →
Classic Review
Fortunately, however, the chief damage done will be to the author himself, who thus dishonors his own physical nature; for imperfect though the race is, it still remains so much purer than the stained and distorted reflection of its animalism in Leaves of Grass, that the book cannot attain to any very wide influence. — Atlantic Monthly, Jan. 1882 Read more →
Last Words
“I’d like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.” — Johnny Frank Garrett. Executed by injection, Texas. “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” — Thomas J. Grasso. Executed by injection, Oklahoma. “Hurry it up you Hoosier bastard! I could hang a dozen men while you’re screwing around.” — Carl Panzram. Executed by hanging, Kansas. Read more →
A Bad Review
Resemblance to persons living or dead is statistically probable. Name: Snopes, Flem Title: Software Development Manager Developing Others Flem was not effective in giving team members an opportunity to be successful or to do high-quality work. The project development process was limiting and frustrating. Rating: Did Not Meet Expectations Integrity Good work ethic. Big problem here is that Flem didn’t seem to see how poor project outcomes were a direct result of anything he did or didn’t do. He seemed to feel that he was a victim primarily of bad technology, as well as bad clients, bad luck, bad karma, etc. And while there were some unavoidable setbacks on the project, as there are on any project, Flem didn’t seem to see the human decision points in the process where he could have made a difference. Rating: Met Some Expectations Change Management Flem was slow to react to changing circumstances.… Read more →
Having it All! (Except the Kids)
More highlights from the Census Bureau’s Fertility of American Women report released last week: Overall, 43 percent of women of childbearing age (15 to 44 years old) were childless in 2000. Among women who were nearing the completion of their childbearing years (40 to 44 years old), 19 percent were childless, almost twice as many as women in the same age group in 1980 (10 percent). Women nearing the end of their childbearing years had an average of 1.9 children, which is below the level required for the natural replacement of the population (about 2.1 births per woman). This average is one child less than the average for women in this same age group in 1980 (3.0 children). Read more →
Having it All!
Working moms are destroying the nation The labor force participation rates of mothers with infant children fell from a record-high 59 percent in 1998 to 55 percent in 2000, the first significant decline since the Census Bureau developed the indicator in 1976, according to the Fertility of American Women report released last week. Read more →
Remember That
Motto on the wall at my son’s tae kwon do school: A Winner is never Excuse. A Looser is always Complain. Read more →
Absolutely Sweet Marie
Marie Antoinette misreads the mood of the peasantry: When we went to walk in the Tuileries, there was so vast a crowd that we were three-quarters of an hour without being able to move either forward or backward. The dauphin and I gave repeated orders to the Guards not to beat any one, which had a very good effect . . . When we returned from our walk we went up to an open terrace and stayed there half an hour. I cannot describe to you, my dear mamma, the transports of joy and affection which every one exhibited towards us. Before we withdrew we kissed our hands to the people, which gave them great pleasure. What a happy thing it is for persons in our rank to gain the love of a whole nation so cheaply. — Marie Antoinette, Letter to Her Mother, 1773 Read more →
Fun Fact of the Day
If you leave the final “s” off the word “assess,” a spell-checker will not flag it as an error. This was an accidental discovery, like penicillin . . . Read more →
Profiles in Management: The Intrepid Imbecile
We have some vending machines at our office, in a small alcove off the development area — the kind that have the snacks lined up between spiral rods, so when you buy something, the appropriate rod rotates and the snack drops down for you. This is obviously a horrible design for a couple of reasons: I don’t want my M&Ms dropped from a height because it breaks them; and Sometimes the packaging of the snack gets hung up on the rod and the snack doesn’t drop. When that happens, the victim usually rocks the machine back and forth trying to dislodge the snack. This often works, but not on the first couple of tries. It also makes an incredible racket. I’ve heard that vending machines are extremely top-heavy and tip over easily, but so far — despite my fervent hope that someone will be mashed flat as a lesson to… Read more →
Dav Pilkey Lives!
Charles Dickens, however, is dead I was reading Bleak House last night, and my 8-year-old son said, “Charles Dickens is dead, right?” And I said, “Yes, he’s dead.” “It seems like all the good writers are dead.” “Well, a lot of them are dead.” “Dav Pilkey is still alive.” So there you have it: Charles Dickens is dead but Dav Pilkey lives. Tra-la-laaaaaa! Read more →