September 2003

I ring the doorbell and my son, from inside, says, “Who is it?” — even though he knows perfectly well who it is since I just heard him bolt the door when he saw me walking up. “Dad,” I say. “Dan who?” “DAD!” “Dan Dad?” Read more →

Alan Turing

by Paul Epps on 23 Sep 2003

A colleague at work asked me, “Do you know how Alan Turing died?” “He ate a poisoned apple.” “His mom always maintained that he did that by accident.” “Does his mom also maintain that he just never found the right girl?” Read more →

Prison Sex: A Win-Win Scenario

by Hostile Witness on 23 Sep 2003

Convicted child sex abuser and defrocked Roman Catholic priest John Geoghan died Saturday after he was apparently strangled by a fellow inmate at a Massachusetts prison, according to local officials. — CNN.com, “Sex abuse priest killed in prison” Read more →

Who Moved My Cheese?

by Paul Epps on 22 Sep 2003

There are all these tests of my limited agility and intelligence. They go on and on. — Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Slapstick My wife helps me maintain my mental acuity by, whenever I set something down, picking it up and moving it somewhere else. This is supposedly for the sake of neatness, even though her stuff is all over the damn place, but the result is that my life feels like a non-stop Where’s Waldo? puzzle. Read more →

How Was Your Weekend?

by Paul Epps on 22 Sep 2003

Good? Great? Too short? My weekend — like most of my weekends — was a tug-of-war to balance the vastly different needs and wants of myself and the people I live with. Doesn’t anyone else have weekends like that? Read more →

Feet

by Paul Epps on 21 Sep 2003

We have a young woman at work with the most extraordinary feet — beautifully polished toenails, toe rings, and just this week she added three small faux (I assume) diamonds to the big toenail on each foot. Read more →

Great Moments in Hubris

by Paul Epps on 16 Sep 2003

I had lunch with a couple of colleagues today at an Indian buffet. When the time came to divide the check, one of them announced as he tossed in his money, “I don’t tip at buffets.” When this met with silence, he added, “And I had to ask for more water. That indicates a lack of attentiveness. So no tip.” As we were leaving, the “inattentive” busboy came running up and handed Mr. I-Don’t-Tip-At-Buffets not one, but two cell phones, which he’d left behind at the table. Read more →

A New Standard in Low Standards

by Hostile Witness on 16 Sep 2003

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Maurice Clarett was charged Tuesday with lying about items stolen from a car he had been driving. Clarett was charged with misdemeanor falsification, city attorney spokesman Scott Varner said. If convicted, Clarett would face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. — ESPN.com, Sept. 9, 2003 Read more →

In Memoriam: Johnny Cash

by Paul Epps on 15 Sep 2003

Anyone who thinks Johnny Cash wasn’t ready to check out even before his wife died in May has probably not seen the “Hurt” video. I certainly think a person in ill health can voluntarily release his or her grip on life . . . we had a family member with cancer who really wanted to die at home, but unfortunately she became too ill to care for at home. The night the family decided that she’d have to be hospitalized, she died . . . Read more →

Television

by Paul Epps on 14 Sep 2003

First radio, then television, have assaulted and overturned the privacy of the home, the real American privacy, which permitted the development of a higher and more independent life within democratic society. Parents can no longer control the atmosphere of the home and have lost even the will to do so. — Allan Bloom, The Closing of the American Mind I think that’s a good explanation of how I feel when the TV is on, a feeling that I’ve lost control of my home to an uninvited guest . . . Read more →

Song Lyrics That Didn’t Resonate Until 25 Years Later

by Paul Epps on 14 Sep 2003

I’ve been aware of the time going by They say in the end it’s the wink of an eye. — Jackson Browne, “The Pretender” (1976) Read more →

Vagueness and Sheer Incompetence

by Paul Epps on 9 Sep 2003

This mixture of vagueness and sheer incompetence is the most marked characteristic of modern English prose, and especially of any kind of political writing. As soon as certain topics are raised, the concrete melts into the abstract and no one seems to be able to think of turns of speech that are not hackneyed; prose consists less and less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning, and more and more of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. — George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language” (1945) I am so glad to hear that, because I try to read political commentary every now and then, and I can very rarely figure out what if anything is being said. I thought it was just me. Read more →

The Latte Factor

by Hostile Witness on 8 Sep 2003

Is $1 million really better than a good cup of coffee? Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars. I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money). Read more →

Wrought by Prayer

by Paul Epps on 7 Sep 2003

I have lived my life, and that which I have done May He within Himself make pure! but thou, If thou shouldst never see my face again, Pray for my soul. More things are wrought by prayer Than this world dreams of. — Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “Morte d’Arthur” Tennyson has said that more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of, but he has wisely refrained from saying whether they are good things or bad things. It might perhaps be as well if the world were to dream of, or even become wide awake to some of the things that are being wrought by prayer. — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh Read more →

Overheard

by Paul Epps on 7 Sep 2003

A project manager talking to a business analyst: PM: Can you have that done by today? BA: No I can’t, and here’s why. [Lengthy explanation deleted.] I can have it done by next week. PM: Can you have it done by tomorrow? Read more →

The Day Care Worker Killed My Kid

by Hostile Witness on 6 Sep 2003

…parents now are pushing for laws that would make it a felony for a day care worker to give a child medicine without written permission from a parent or a doctor’s order. One state already has passed such legislation. Last month, North Carolina made it a felony to give children medicine without permission. That law was named for 5-month-old Kaitlyn Shevlin, who died in 2001 after being given the generic form of Benadryl. Her care giver, Josephine Burke, served four months in prison on misdemeanor charges of child abuse and neglect. — The Washington Times, “Day care drugs worry moms,” (emph. added) Sept. 3, 2003 Read more →

We Set Our Sights So Low

by Paul Epps on 1 Sep 2003

I think it’s such a shame we set our sights so low. Either you’re stuck with software that works the way it works because you don’t want to break it, or you get an upgrade that causes pain and anguish. I just want my stupid computer to work and it doesn’t. That’s not computing. That we accept the status quo says such negative things about us as humans . . . Our ambitions are so, so small compared to the opportunity. — Kent Beck Read more →

In Memoriam: Charles Bronson