My son is doing a 5th grade research paper on William Clark, of Lewis and Clark fame.
“Clark was a much better man than Lewis,” he says.
“Why do you say that?” I ask.
“Older. Wiser. Didn’t commit suicide in an inn just south of Nashville. Better name . . .”
“Why is Clark a better name than Lewis?”
“‘Clark. William Clark.'” Then in a sort of effeminate voice: “‘Hey, gang! I’m Meriwether Lewis!'” Normal voice again: “‘Clark. Will Clark. How’s it hangin’?'”
The report also requires a hand-drawn sketch of the subject engaged in some activity . . .
“If William Clark was a stick figure, I could do it,” he says. “I’m the best at drawing stick figures. I can draw a stick figure doing any activity — you name it! A stick figure hitting a slap shot, a stick figure raising his hand in school, a stick dog, a stick figure dunking over other stick figures . . .”
“That sounds like a good one. Have a William Clark stick figure dunking over some Native American stick figures. ‘William Clark Posterizes the Indians.'”
“If Clark is not a stick figure, I can’t do it . . .”