From Wikipedia: List of people known as The Great Read more →
November 2004
Bird Teams
It’s getting hard to find a restaurant without a TV set anymore. Evidently, Americans don’t like to leave home if it means being away from television, even for an hour or so. Read more →
His Master’s Voice
My wife is making noises about getting rid of the dog, because we just moved into a new house and he’s making a mess of it. He’s not doing anything bad, it’s just that normal canine activity puts some wear and tear on a place, which is why I said don’t get a dog in the first place. Read more →
The Meaning of Golf
But what do I get from existence? If it is full I have only distress, if empty only boredom. How can you offer me so poor a reward for so much labor . . . — Arthur Schopenhauer Another weekend approaches, bringing leisure hours that we don’t know what to do with. As the busy work week winds to a close, we have a couple of days in which to ponder the emptiness of our lives. How dreary! How much more pleasant if we could fill up the time with other activities. Hence: Golf! Intoxication is another option. Or both at the same time! Read more →
Ancient History as Told by a 6th Grader Who Watches Too Much SportsCenter
Hammerin’ Hank Hammurabi here, bringing you today’s Peloponnesian League matchup between the Akkadians and the Assyrians. Sargon the Great gives the Assyrians some much-needed leadership . . . Read more →
Redefining Race
MILWAUKEE — A radio talk show host drew criticism Thursday after calling Condoleezza Rice an “Aunt Jemima” and saying she isn’t competent to be secretary of state. — Radio Host Calls Rice ‘Aunt Jemima’ The host, who is white, also called Colin Powell an “Uncle Tom.” He added that he has a long history of commitment to civil rights and support of the black community. Read more →
The Greatest Legend of All Was Real
And his hair was perfect! Read more →
Worse Than it Looks
I noticed a few days ago that a map of the recent election results shows Democratic voters relegated to the fringes of the country. It turns out that if you look at an election map by county rather than by state, the situation becomes even more extreme, and even the blue (Democratic) states turn mostly red. A coworker of mine refers to Republicans, somewhat derisively, as “Bible Belt” voters. If that’s true, then — as you can see from the map — the Bible Belt now runs from the Hudson River to the Hollywood Freeway. Read more →
Who Wants Chili?
I’m making chili for dinner . . . “I don’t like chili,” the boy says. “Good. That means there’ll be more for me and Lightning.” “You’re giving chili to the dog?!” “And since I’m not giving any to Lightning, that means there’ll be more for me . . .” Read more →
Homework Follies
My son takes a break from his social studies worksheet to explain his new system for organizing homework assignments. “I write everything down in my organizer, then I draw a happy face next to the easy assignments, a sad face next to the hard ones, and a sad face with tears next to the ridiculous ones.” “What kind of a face did you put next to that social studies assignment?” I ask. “Sad face. I should have put one tear. I gave reading comprehension two tears.” “Have you ever had an assignment where you put a sad face with tears showering from both eyes?” “I just started the system today.” Read more →
My Fantasy Football League Fantasy
My workplace is teeming with idiots who know more about some steroid-amped freak and how many yards he ran with a ball in his hands than they do about their own family members and whatever babysitter is raising their kids for them. Kee-rist! I wish I could go back in time and strangle them all in their cradles . . . Read more →
Le Hamster est Mort
Bowser died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can’t be sure. (French literature buffs are screaming with laughter right now. Trust me.) I feel bad that we didn’t pay as much attention to him after we got the dog, but I guess that’s why pugs cost $1,000 and hamsters cost six bucks. Read more →
Election Wrapup
It might have been fun watching a talking tree lead the country for a few years, were it not for the small matter of the war for civilization, and the fact that you don’t want a president who’s determined to lose it. It’s interesting, in looking at a map of the results, to see that there’s a huge block of red (Republican) states starting from Florida, going most of the way up the eastern seaboard, and then sweeping west all the way to Nevada, leaving a few pockets of confused people on the fringes — geographically and otherwise — who are completely out of touch with the rest of the country. Unfortunately, this includes my home state of California . . . Read more →