He said he heard about a couple living in the USA He said they traded in their baby for a Chevrolet — Elvis Costello, “Less Than Zero” PUEBLO — Three people were arrested on charges of swapping a 5-month-old boy for a downpayment on a used Dodge Intrepid and cash, police said Tuesday. — Vail Daily Read more →
February 2007
Competitively Compelling
Ken Schwaber on software quality: I think what will happen is some places will really get it and will be so competitively compelling that others will have to rapidly change or go out of business. As an offset to that, consider that Ford has known for 40 years how Toyota builds cars. Read more →
Roseville
We have a company directory, including photos, on the intranet, so when I do a project with people in a different office, I like to go to the directory and look at the photos to see who I’m dealing with. Today I started working with some folks in the Roseville office. “Where’s Roseville?” I asked anyone within earshot of my desk. “You know where Sacramento is?” someone responds. Do I know where Sacramento is? What a question! It’s the capital of the state I’ve lived in my entire life. “Duh, no. Hang on, let me get a map.” Geez, if I want to be insulted, I can get that at home. The reason I asked: After clicking on a few of the photos, the kindest thing I could think of to say was “Maybe people in Roseville don’t photograph particularly well.” Read more →
Stupid People and Their Stupid Dogs
A guy brought a laser pointer to the dog park tonight so his retarded dog could chase the beam around like a nitwit. He tried to get my dog to chase it, but the dog just looked back at him to see where the beam was coming from, which is the intelligent thing to do in that situation. “The pug doesn’t see it,” the guy said. “He sees it,” I explained, “but pugs are too smart to chase light beams.” “What does being smart have to do with it?” Laser Guy asked. “Would you run around the park chasing after a laser beam?” I asked. “You wouldn’t. You know why? Because it’s stupid. You can’t catch it. Chasing after a ball or a frisbee makes sense. I’ve done that myself. But running around after a light beam is just moronic.” Read more →
Santayana: “I Told You So”
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. — George Santayana “Is that a fact?” she said. “Well–I’ve got news for Mr. Santayana: we’re doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That’s what it is to be alive. It’s pretty dense kids who haven’t figured that out by the time they’re ten.” “Santayana was a famous philosopher at Harvard,” said Slazinger, a Harvard man. And Mrs. Berman said, “Most kids can’t afford to go to Harvard to be misinformed.” — Kurt Vonnegut, Bluebeard Read more →
I Think He Means Smart-Alecky in a Good Way
My son’s tennis teacher asks me where the boy gets his “smart-alecky” personality — from me or my wife? “Well,” I say, “if by ‘smart-alecky’ you mean ‘funny,’ he gets it from me. If you mean ‘argues for the sake of arguing,’ he gets that from his mom.” Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Rona Barrett – gossip columnist Gene Barry – actor Orson Bean – TV game show panelist Van Cliburn – pianist Richard Dawson – actor and game show host Bo Diddley – musician Patti Page – singer Jean Stapleton – actress Abigail Van Buren – advice columnist Updates Gene Barry – died 12/9/2009, age 90 Orson Bean – died 2/7/2020, age 91 Van Cliburn – died 2/27/2013, age 78 Richard Dawson – died 6/2/2012, age 79 Bo Diddley – died 6/2/2008, age 79 Patti Page – died 1/1/2013, age 85 Jean Stapleton – died 5/13/2013, age 90 Abigail Van Buren – died 1/16/2013, age 94 Read more →
My Neighbor the Fisherman
My neighbor across the street is a very serious fisherman. He’s got, like, 15 fishing rods in a rack in his garage, one for every occasion. Does he ever take any of his family members along on his fishing trips? No . . . on his list of priorities, they rank somewhere below fish. I suspect his wife has a fish-head mask she puts on when she wants to get his attention . . . Read more →
Valentine’s Day Tips for Girls
Make your man feel capable . . . Good: “You are so strong!” “You are so smart!” Bad: “Are you sure you know where you’re going?” These are just examples, but you get the idea . . . Read more →
Happy Valentine’s Day
We’re on a budget . . . maybe I’ll write my love a poem. Seriously though, some flowers for sure . . . I’ll take her for dinner if she wants to, but we really are trying to cut back on the spending a bit. Reality vs. romance . . . Read more →
Train in the Distance
What is the point of this story? What information pertains? The thought that life could be better Is woven indelibly Into our hearts And our brains. — Paul Simon, “Train in the Distance” Read more →
Going to the Temple
My wife makes an occasional visit to one of the local Buddhist temples, and sometimes she “encourages” the rest of the family to join her. “Thanks for coming along,” she says on the drive over. “You made us come,” our son says from the back seat. Then after a pause, “But you’re welcome.” Read more →
Super Bowl Ads
Forgettable . . . although this Doritos ad was notable for the fact that it was made on a budget of $12.97. As my son said after one particularly unmemorable spot (I can’t remember which one): “They paid a trillion dollars to put that on my TV?” Read more →
Adventures in Driving
We’ve just had another of the near-death experiences so common when my wife gets behind the wheel of a car. “Driving with you is a real adventure, honey,” I say. “Not in a good way,” our son adds. She wears multiple combinations of glasses and contact lenses, but her standard explanation — “I can’t see!” — is not as reassuring as she seems to think it is. Read more →