I hobbled into a job interview today like a man whose shoes were too small for his feet. No, wait, let me back up a little bit . . . I can never find anything around the house because people keep moving my stuff. Why everyone can’t keep their hands to themselves, I don’t know, but I don’t even try to keep track of things anymore. I just look for something in the last place I put it, and when it’s not there, I ask someone. “Don’t ask me. I didn’t touch it.” So I look some more and it always turns out that my camera is in my son’s room, or my keys are in my wife’s purse, or the important document is in the trash, and everyone still maintains that they have no idea how it got there. Living with people is a mixed blessing, I’ll tell you.… Read more →
August 2007
Marital Inequity
I’ve decided to start the day by addressing an inequitable situation . . . “Honey,” I say to my wife, “I’ve noticed that because you go to bed earlier than I do, you get to unmake the bed every night. Then because you get up before I do, I have to make the bed every morning, which is harder. It’s not fair.” “I also do everything else in the house, like cooking and cleaning,” she says, “so don’t bother me with that.” OK, she’s got me there . . . Read more →
Chicken Dinner
I picked up 8 pieces of fried chicken — 2 legs, 2 thighs, 2 breasts and 2 wings — at the Albertson’s deli today, which seemed like a pretty good deal for the family until my son decided to eat all 8 pieces himself. Wait, I take that back . . . “I’m going to eat this one,” I said, holding up one of the wings. “The whole piece?!” he shouted. “Are you kidding? You’ve got 8 pieces here.” “Not anymore!” he shouted. Read more →
Another Thing I Hate About Sports
Pitch counts and closers. Johan Santana had a 2-hit shutout going through 8 innings yesterday — with 17 strikeouts. The record for most strikeouts in a 9-inning game is 20. Santana threw 112 pitches, so instead of coming back out in the 9th inning with a chance to tie the record, he was replaced by closer Joe Nathan. Was he tired? Well, he struck out six of the last seven batters he faced, so it sounds like he was just warming up. Read more →
Naked People on a Glacier
In this image supplied by Greenpeace, U.S. artist Spencer Tunick and Greenpeace Switzerland present hundreds of naked people to symbolize the vulnerability of glaciers under climate change. Is that what it’s supposed to symbolize? What did it symbolize when he photographed hundreds of naked people in Venezuela, France, Britain, etc., etc., etc. Isn’t anyone else bored out of their minds with this idiot yet? He’s like that miscreant who dresses up Weimaraners, and everyone else who has one limited idea and keeps repeating it over and over and over. I don’t claim to be a great artist, but let me tell you how this glacier shoot should have been done: You put the hundreds of people on the glacier, at which time they discover to their dismay that they’re stuck there like a tongue on a lamppost. You leave them there to slowly starve to death and decompose. It reeks… Read more →
Conversations with a 14-Year-Old
I’m trying to say something to my kid in the back seat of the car . . . he’s got his iPod on but I’m pretty sure he can still hear me. Finally he says, “Are you trying to annoy me into a conversation?” Read more →
Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Just the Translator
My son’s working on the computer when Lightning the pug jumps in his lap and lays down on his arm. “How am I supposed to type with a dog laying on my arm?” the boy asks either me or the dog, I’m not sure which. Lightning looks at me and pants a few times. “He says you need to start thinking outside the bun,” I tell the boy. “Ummmm . . .” “Yeah, I know, it doesn’t make sense to me either, but that’s what he said.” Read more →
Pug Photos from Flickr
Originally uploaded by Rocktopotomus. This next one is part of a set: Originally uploaded by * katie. Read more →
My Dog Explains His Name
Sometimes when my owner takes me to the dog park, people ask him what my name is. When he says “Lightning,” they laugh, like it’s a joke, a bit of irony, like naming a Great Dane “Tiny.” Look, people, I’m almost 4 years old now, but when I was a puppy, I was really fast — for a pug. That’s why my owners named me Lightning. I’m still fast when I go full speed. I just don’t do it that much anymore. Don’t underestimate the pug. — Lightning Read more →
Life in the OC Photos
Originally uploaded by debaird. I’ve walked by this store dozens of times at the Irvine Spectrum and it never occurred to me that an extreme closeup of the sign would make an interesting photo. I guess that’s why some of us are photographers and some of us are sitting around saying, “Why didn’t I think of that?” More like this: The photo is from a Flickr set called .:life in “the oc”:. Read more →
Dara Torres: The Best Sports Story You Never Heard
In other sports news — “other” meaning something besides steroids, blood doping, dog fighting and point shaving — Dara Torres has won her 14th and 15th national swimming titles at the U.S. Nationals currently going on in Indianapolis. Why is that worth mentioning? Well, swimming is a young person’s sport and Torres is 40 years old. She won her first national title 25 years ago in 1982. She won Olympic medals in 1984 in Los Angeles, 1988 in Seoul and 1992 in Barcelona, then retired from competitive swimming at age 25. After a 7-year layoff, she started training again and qualified for the 2000 Olympic team. She was 33 years old, the oldest swimmer on the team. She won 5 more medals at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, then retired again. Four days ago, at age 40, and just 15 months after giving birth to her first child, she won… Read more →
Do You Remember Your First Movie?
Originally uploaded by debaird. Yes I do. The first movie I saw in a theater was Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. The first movie I took my son to was Space Jam. Read more →
Marcus Aurelius on Sean Penn
The dictator and the useful idiot Keep before you the swift onset of oblivion, and the abysses of eternity before us and behind; mark how hollow are the echoes of applause, how fickle and undiscerning the judgements of professed admirers, and how puny the arena of human fame. For the entire earth is but a point, and the place of our own habitation but a minute corner in it; and how many are therein who will praise you, and what sort of men are they? — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, IV.3 Read more →
Obviously Aurelius
I’m reading Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations when my son, referring to the cover photo above the author’s name, says, “Who’s that? Zeus?” “No,” I say. “Caesar?” “No. It’s Marcus Aurelius.” “Hmmm. That seemed too obvious.” Read more →
Harry Potter Spoiler?
POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. For some reason, the publisher chose to give away the climax of the story in the dust cover illustration, although it does leave a few questions unanswered so as not to make it too obvious: Is Voldemort falling backwards or just hovering mysteriously? Why doesn’t he have a wand? Potter appears about to catch something out of the air. What could it be? Read more →
EppsNet Hotel Review: Santa Maria Resort, Fort Myers, FL
I recently spent a week in Florida with my son for a roller hockey tournament. We stayed at the Santa Maria Resort on Fort Myers Beach. The place was great, like a furnished 2-bedroom apartment with a fully appointed kitchen: oven, stove, microwave, fridge, freezer, plates, bowls, pots, pans, silverware, etc. We went to the local Publix grocery the first day and stocked the place up with food and beverages. We got all this for about $50 a night less than we would have paid for a room at, say, the Embassy Suites. And when I say “room,” I mean that usually when I travel with the boy, the hotel room is in fact a room and we’re both in it together. That’s a problem because he likes to watch TV in hotel rooms and I’d rather read a book. But with the 2-bedroom setup — each bedroom on opposite… Read more →
UCLA Coach Makes a Home Visit
The Orange County Register has an update on last week’s arrest of UCLA assistant football coach Eric Scott on suspicion of felony burglary: UCLA officials said Monday that the background check on receivers coach Eric Scott was conducted by the university and not an outside agency, as previously stated. But, again, Athletic Director Dan Guerrero and Coach Karl Dorrell were unaware that Scott had been arrested four times between 1996 and 2005. The Bruins coach, who was arrested for a fifth time last week on a charge of residential burglary, previously had pleaded guilty or was convicted of misdemeanor carrying a concealed weapon in 2005 and misdemeanor disturbing the peace in 2002. OOPSIE! UCLA: University of Coaches Looting Apartments. Coach Scott is on administrative leave at this time. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions regarding his guilt or innocence based strictly on his extensive list of priors. Read more →