Noises Off


Fingernails on a chalkboard? Doesn’t bother me in the least. But I don’t like the sound of people chewing their food.

Sometimes I have to remind people in my family to please chew with their mouth closed.

Is that an unreasonable request? I wouldn’t think so . . .

“The dog makes all kinds of noises. Why don’t you complain about that?”

“The dog is an animal,” I explain very slowly. “I was thinking we could hold ourselves to a higher standard. Why don’t you take a crap on the parkway in front of someone’s house? The dog does it! It must be okay!”

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