A gentleman brings a basket of books to the checkout . . . “Do you have the 50 percent off deal?” he asks. The clerk looks genuinely confused. “No,” he says. “Nice try, though.” “I thought it was through the end of the year.” “Are you on the mailing list?” “Yes.” “That’s 25 percent off.” “Oh. Why am I thinking it was 50? Maybe I’m on a special mailing list that gets 50 percent off.” “Maybe you’re on the special list that pays 50 percent more.” Read more →
December 2011
Angry Illiterates Shouldn’t Work at Bookstores
There’s no one behind the customer service counter at Barnes and Noble but there is a woman doing something with the books in front of the counter . . . “Do you work here?” I ask. “Yes,” she says, but not in a friendly way . . . more like yes, I work here but I regret it. ‘I’m looking for The Book of Holiday Awesome,” I say. “I’ve never heard of that,” she says. I don’t care if she’s heard of it. I just want to know if they have a copy of it on hand. “Do you know the author?” she asks. “No.” She types a couple of things into the computer. “Nothing is coming up,” she says. It’s a popular book so something should be coming up, even if it’s just to say they don’t have it in stock. I lean over the counter to see what… Read more →
In What Then Does the Good Reside?
It is where you think not, and will not seek for it. For if you had wished you would have found it in yourselves and would not have wandered outside and would not have sought the things of others as your own. — Epictetus, Discourses, Book III, Ch. 22 Read more →
The World’s Fattest Vegetarian
I just met the world’s fattest vegetarian. He’s not a short man but there’s no human height for which his weight would be considered normal. He must be consuming entire orchards, uprooting trees and munching them like broccoli . . . Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Norman Lear – television producer Updates Norman Lear, died 12/5/2023, age 101 Read more →
Do Not Withhold the Truth
Did Laius obey Apollo? Did he not go away in his drunken stupor and dismiss the oracle from his mind? What then? Did Apollo withhold the truth from him for that reason? Indeed I do not know whether you will obey me or not, but Apollo knew most certainly that Laius would not obey, and yet he spoke. Why did he speak? Nay, why is he Apollo, why does he give oracles, why has he set himself in this position, to be a Prophet and a Fountain of truth, so that men from all the world come to him? Why is “Know thyself” written up over his shrine, though no one understands it? — Epictetus, Discourses, Book III, Ch. 1 Read more →
Aside
There is no suffering, no cause of suffering, no end to suffering, no path to follow. There is no attainment of wisdom, and no wisdom to attain. Byeeeeeeee
Top 5 Creepy and Sexist Christmas Songs
Maybe you can use them as a way to engage in a conversation about sexism with your friends and family over the holidays! For example, it is NOT okay to suggest that all a woman wants for Christmas is a man (I’m looking at you, Mariah Carey). Or that women are materialistic and shallow and want lots of accoutrements. Except earrings, obviously. Read more →
Two Things I Noticed
Our boy is home for winter break . . . he’s been driving the car that I usually drive. When I drove that car today, the second thing I noticed was that he’d run the gas tank down to empty. The first thing I noticed like a bomb detonation is that he’d left the radio turned on at full volume . . . Read more →
New Years Resolutions
To expose the false arts of life, to pull off the disguises of cunning, vanity and affectation, and to recommend a general simplicity in our dress, our discourse, and our behaviour . . . Read more →
A Little Castle Comedy
Someone asks one of the Hearst Castle tour guides, “What’s the difference between the evening tour and the regular tour?” “Oh, it’s night and day,” he replies. Read more →
Merry Christmas, Everybody!
We had a few friends over to celebrate. Nothing fancy . . . Read more →
Hearst Castle is Really a Lot Like Our House
As we’re touring the gardens at Hearst Castle, my wife points out a plant that’s just like one we have at home. “Yeah, this place a has a lot of similarities to our house,” I say. “We have a plant, we have a pool . . .” “We don’t have a pool,” the boy says. “Well, we have access to a pool.” Read more →
Overheard at Hearst Castle
“Here’s your wristband for the tour.” “What do I do with it?” Read more →
Turbinado Sugar = Crack Cocaine
Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men. — Proverbs 22:29
UCLA Hires Jim Mora
ROSE Bowl?! Are you kiddin’ me? ROSE Bowl? We’re just trying to win a GAME! Okay, I know it’s not that Jim Mora. First I want to say for the record that the firing of Rick Neuheisel was a bad move. Despite the naysayers, he had the program moving in the right direction. Pac-12 Southern Division champions. He closed the gap with USC. Yeah, I know they lost to USC 50-0 but just imagine what the score would have been if he hadn’t closed the gap. I heard Coach Mora on the radio this afternoon. I wasn’t impressed. I’m not as elated as I was about the Neuheisel or Karl Dorrell hirings, but I just don’t think UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero has any idea about how to hire a football coach. He’s tried to copy the Pete Carroll model, first by hiring Carroll assistants as coordinators, and now by… Read more →
Celebrity Breakups
Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard Have Separated — msn.com, Dec. 19, 2011 The story was posted this week but it turns out they actually separated two years ago. Normally, with celebrity breakups, the couple sends out a press release asking for privacy “in this difficult time.” That always seemed to me like one of the stupidest ideas in a world full of stupid ideas: sending out a press release requesting privacy. It turns out if you just keep your mouth shut about it, you can split up and no one will know or care. You can have all the privacy you want . . . P.S. Why do people split up in their late 60s after 30 years together? DO THEY WANT TO DIE ALONE?! Read more →
Aside
If something is worth doing, it’s worth taking to an extreme . . .
Velvety
Why is it good for chocolate to be “velvety”? Do you really want a mouth full of velvet? Read more →