My fellow Americans –
Now that the dimwits in Congress have decided to run an impeachment trial on a president who is no longer in office, I suppose they could decide to impeach me, even though I am not only no longer in office but dead.
The charges would likely relate to the fact that I was a slave owner.
I don’t think it will happen though, given my approval rating vs. theirs. I actually have a monument in Washington, D.C., which certainly none of the current congressional fatheads will receive.