Scorching Hot Cuisine


This pack of chips caught my eye at the Circle K today so I bought one. The clerk pointed out on the back of the package that the chips were classified as “FREAKIN’ HOT,” accompanied by a temperature gauge with the needle pegged in the far-right, bright red FREAKIN’ HOT sector.

To no one’s surprise, except the Circle K clerk, the chips weren’t any hotter than a bag of Doritos.

Have you ever gone to a fast food place where they sell a product like a jalapeno burger advertised as SCORCHING HOT? Then you take a bite and you’re like, “That’s it?”

No company can produce a mass market food product that can only be tolerated by maybe one percent of the population because they can’t sell it, which is the opposite of what they want to do. They want to sell a lot of them.

If you want to eat something really freakin’ hot, go to a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant and tell them you like your food really spicy. If you’re in the Southern California area, I recommend Jitlada in Hollywood for this experiment.

If every cell in your body is not crying out for death, send me the receipt, I’ll pay for it myself.

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