I can still remember so clearly when I was a puppy with all my brothers and sisters.

I can’t believe 35 dog years have gone by so fast!

Good thing I can still keep in touch with them through my blog!

— Lightning

I read this weekend that the Obamas are trying to decide what kind of dog to get when they move into the White House.

I recommend a pug puppy. Pugs possess the heart of a giant. They are brave, intelligent, loving, and excellent with kids!

The AKC took a vote and people said the Obamas should get a poodle.

I hate to say it, but poodles are not very smart. Or brave. But even a poodle is better than a cat.

Cats appeal to single women with low self-esteem, but real Americans like the Obamas should have a dog.

— Lightning

“So do cats,” she said.

“Would your cat save you if you were drowning?” he asked.

“No, but your dog wouldn’t save you either.”

“He sure would.”

“He’s not any bigger than your head.”

“He would try to do something.”

“Exactly. He’d make things worse.”

That’s not very nice and if I ever meet this woman I’m going to growl at her.

I’m not a big dog like Lassie or Rin Tin Tin, but I’m not a cat either, so I would definitely try to save him.

It’s a roll of the dice. I might save him or I might kill both of us, but he was going to drown anyway and I don’t want to be alive without him.

If you want to see how dogs and cats think differently under pressure, read this story about a family with two dogs and one cat. One of the dogs died trying (successfully) to save the family and (unsuccessfully) to save the other dog. The cat escaped unharmed.

Dogs will risk their lives trying to save humans and other dogs. If you’re a cat owner, you’re on your own.

— Lightning

A simple rule dictates my buying: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful.

— Warren Buffett

BIG DEAL! I said the same thing last week!

Who needs Warren Buffett when you have a good dog?

Talking about Warren Buffett is making me hungry because his name looks like “buffet.” I wish someone would open an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant for dogs.

I would invest in that . . .

— Lightning

I saw this headline today on an Associated Press story:

As a dog investor myself, I just wanted to assure you that I am not worried. In fact, I’m sleeping like a puppy . . .

The key to investing is taking a long-term view of the market. Stocks are down? It’s a buying opportunity!

Among the stocks I’m currently recommending are

• PetSmart (PETM) - Woof woof!
• Volcom (VLCM), Under Armour (UA) - I see lots of young humans wearing these brands.
• BJ’s Restaurants (BJRI) - I’ve never been but my owner says it’s really good and always crowded!
• Sonic Corporation (SONC) - I love the commercials with the two people talking in the car! So funny!

— Lightning

I read this morning that gay wolves have been put on the endangered species list. Well, of course they’re endangered. They’re gay!

Wait, what — gray wolves? Gray wolves are endangered? I myself am a descendant of the gray wolf. I’m very sad to hear this.

I need to lie down for a while . . .

— Lightning

Video shows workers abusing pigs

— MSNBC.com

WHAT THAT IS OUTRAFEOUS WHO WOULSD DO SUCH A THING TO APUGS

IM SO MAD I CANT EVEN TYPE

Wait, what — pigs?! Well that’s not good either but on the other hand pigs are not man’s best friend and they are also delicious . . .

— Lightning

Nothing is inevitable here. We’re pugs, and we never give up! We never quit! Pugs never hide from history. Pugs make history!

Sarah Palin OMG hottest governor ever.

Woof Woof!

— Lightning

I just want to say to the American people: I am not a vicious dog, but I don’t put up with a lot of nonsense either.

— Lightning

My owner’s wife and son were gone for a week, so he and I got to spend a lot of quality time together. We are closer than ever!

I even got to sleep on the bed at night, which is usually not allowed.

Don’t tell anyone!

— Lightning

Sometimes when my owner takes me to the dog park, people ask him what my name is. When he says “Lightning,” they laugh, like it’s a joke, a bit of irony, like naming a Great Dane “Tiny.”

Look, people, I’m almost 4 years old now, but when I was a puppy, I was really fast — for a pug. That’s why my owners named me Lightning.

I’m still fast when I go full speed. I just don’t do it that much anymore.

Don’t underestimate the pug.

— Lightning

Cypress man rescued by pet pug

— Orange County Register, July 26, 2007

I’m not surprised by this. Pugs are smart, brave, loving and loyal. Do not underestimate the pug.

Your canine correspondent,

Lightning Epps

Hi everybody! That’s me, Lightning Epps, subduing an over-aggressive puggle at the Irvine dog park. I am like the sheriff of the dog park; I don’t start trouble but I don’t mind finishing it.

Last week, I was chasing a pug named Blossom around and having a great time when a male husky ran up and started harassing Blossom. These big dogs think they can get away with anything where pugs are concerned.

I snarled and charged at the husky. They never expect that. He got confused, ran straight into another husky and knocked it over.

Everyone laughed.

Then I went back to find Blossom and hump her but she wouldn’t let me. That’s gratitude for you . . .

— Lightning

I fell in love with a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel at the Irvine dog park last night. I kept showing off, trying to get her to play with me, but she just wanted to sit by her owner. When they left, I sat and stared out at the parking lot for a while . . .

P.S. I’m over it now though.

— Lightning

This is a picture of me, Lightning Epps, at the Irvine dog park. I love the dog park! Even though I’m not a puppy anymore — I’m almost 3 years old — I still like to chase and play a little bit.

The bigger dogs try to dominate me sometimes. Usually I can stop them with just a look, but not always.

The puggle in this picture, for example, kept blindsiding me and trying to climb on top of me. I chalked that up to youthful exuberance for a few moments, but when he kept doing it, I had to knock him down, leap on top of him, and sink my fangs into his neck. Not hard, just enough to reestablish the natural order of things.

I don’t instigate this stuff, but I don’t put up with a lot of nonsense either. You know what they say — it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, etc. . . .

— Lightning

Hi Mom!

Happy Mothers Day!

I can’t believe another whole year has gone by already! Seven dog years! LOL!

My owners take really good care of me. They take me to the dog park here in Irvine almost every day. I am very loving, but when some dog at the park runs up on me and tries to get all dominant, I use my illegal ninja moves on him, especially if it’s a big dog, like a Great Dane.

You would be proud of me! Thanks for teaching me to always stand up for myself.

Miss you . . .

Love, Lightning

P.S. I wrote this post myself, but my owner helped me with the HTML.

P.P.S. Say hi to Dad.

— Lightning

He is not any cuter than me, Lightning Epps. Several people have told me this.

This is the dog that won Best in Show: Rufus, a colored bull terrier.

Hey, haven’t I seen you in a Target ad? Look at his scary, egg-shaped head! What were the judges thinking? Now I know how Seahawk fans felt after the Super Bowl . . .

— Lightning

Hi Mom!

Happy Mothers Day!

I know you were sad when I left, but I live with a loving family now, so you don’t have to worry about me.

Say hi to Dad.

Love, Lightning

P.S. Here is a picture of me with my owner.

— Lightning

The Grinch is very mean to his dog, Max, not because he doesn’t like dogs, but he is very mean to everyone. You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

Later, when he is nice to everyone, he give Max a big piece of roast beast.

My favorite scene is when the Grinch whistles for Max to pull his sleigh and Max thinks he is going for a ride, so he jumps in the sleigh and starts panting excitedly.

That is so realistic! I love to go for a ride and stick my head out the window.

Rating: Two paws up!

— Lightning