Pregnant Transgender Man Gets Backlash Over Glamour UK Pride Issue: “I’m A Pregnant Man, And I’m Trans” — msn.com He’s going to have a hard time pushing the baby out his dick. Is an OB/GYN involved in the process? Why would a man go to an OB/GYN? “My dog identifies as a cat. You know what that means?” “No, what?” “A cat can have puppies.” It’s just a silly word game . . . Abraham Lincoln used to ask “How many legs does a dog have if you call a tail a leg?” The answer is four. As Abe would point out, calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. And calling a woman a man doesn’t make her a man. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Abraham Lincoln
Bernie Sanders is Wrong About Everything But He’s Raised the Intellectual Climate
Socialism has been discredited about as thoroughly as possible, but one thing I greatly admire about Bernie Sanders is this: He’s never made a political issue of the fact that he’s Jewish. He doesn’t say “It’s high time we had a Jewish president.” He doesn’t say “If you’re Jewish, you should vote for me because I’m Jewish.” And most importantly, he doesn’t dismiss criticism or critics as anti-Semitic. And because he doesn’t do any of the above, I don’t see his supporters or the media doing it either. It would be easy for him to do those things because it’s what people expect. Political discourse in America consists mainly of people calling each other racists, sexists, homophobes and bigots. It’s hard to complete a sentence without someone taking offense to a trigger word, a microaggression or a dog whistle. Abraham Lincoln once said this: If you have ever studied geometry,… Read more →
Teaching Computer Science: Ski Week
Corona del Mar High School doesn’t just take Presidents Day off . . . they take the whole week off and call it Ski Week. It’s a total non sequitur in terms of paying tribute to our nation’s greatest leaders. George Washington didn’t ski. Abraham Lincoln didn’t ski. “How do you know Abraham Lincoln didn’t ski?” a student asks. “He was too busy writing the Gettysburg Address.” “He wrote that in 20 minutes.” “There was the whole Civil War thing going on. He didn’t have time for ski trips with his buddies.” It’s hard to think of a notable historical figure who also a skier. If you want to accomplish great deeds, you have to give things up. You can’t get bogged down in nonsense. Read more →
More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of: “He Was Even Better as a Person”
A person named Will Arnett was taping the Conan O’Brien show yesterday when they found out about Robin Williams’ untimely demise. Arnett said this: “As funny as he was — he’s truly one of the all-time greats — he was even better as a person.” That’s a reliable formulation: As great as he was as a [thing the person was known to be great at], he was even better as a person. Of course because the person was known to be an outlier at the one thing, he (or she) was almost certainly NOT even better as a person. How great was Robin Williams as a comedian? Top 10? I don’t know, that’s pretty competitive . . . I’m thinking of Groucho, Cosby, Charlie Chaplin, Steve Martin, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Leno, Letterman . . . But I’d say Top 20, definitely. So according to Will Arnett, Robin Williams was… Read more →
Twitter: 2010-09-17
RT @SteveMartinToGo: OMG. President Lincoln has been shot! Wait, whoa, my internet connection is SUH-LOW. # Read more →
Show Me the Canadian Money
I handed the girl at the McDonalds drive-thru a Canadian 5-dollar bill and asked her, “Who is that guy?” “I don’t know,” she said. “I only came here three years ago and I’m not really into money.” When we got back to the hotel, I asked the guy at the front desk the same question. He had no idea. I was dumbfounded to discover that Canadians don’t know the people on their money! By googling “canadian 5-dollar bill,” I learned that the gentleman is Sir Wilfrid Laurier, the seventh Prime Minister of Canada. The prime minister is like the president in the United States, isn’t he? Wouldn’t this be like an American not recognizing Abraham Lincoln? Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-04
RT @diablocody: I ordered a bunch of Yankee Candles while drunk. Now the house smells of pie and remorse. # RT @darthvader: I love national holidays where blowing up a rebel stronghold can easily be considered a spectacular “finale.” # Weinerschnitzel: 2 chili dogs plus chili cheese fries for $3. Ain’t that America! # RT @diablocody: Ah, the patriotic “flag bikini.” There’s nothing like having a nation’s pride wadded up in your labia. # RT @ericmusselman: Abraham Lincoln: “I will prepare, and someday my chance will come.” # Read more →
Thomas Jefferson: A Birthday Gift
My fellow Americans — Did you know that I was born on this date in 1743? Probably you didn’t because nobody makes a big deal about it like Washington’s birthday or Lincoln’s. That used to really bother me but I’m okay with it now. Anyway — it’s MY birthday but YOU get the gift. Point your browser at the Guess Her Muff website. GADZOOKS! You will not be disappointed! Sadly, ladies styling their pubes had not entered into the marketplace of ideas in the 18th century. I can’t help thinking what Sally Hemings would have looked like with a Brazilian. Read more →
Great Orators of the 7th Grade
I can’t really hear what my son is holding forth on downstairs — just snippets about tyranny, racism, slavery, Abraham Lincoln, Harriet Tubman, civil rights and child abuse — which means his mom must have asked him to turn off the TV and get started on homework . . . Read more →