EppsNet Archive: Basketball

See You in Hell

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Congratulations, Americans! Your lives have become so trivialized that you think the most important issue facing your country is how many Magic Johnson photos get posted to Instagram. See you in Hell . . . Read more →

I’m Done With the NBA

 

I’m choking to death on all the pious platitudes re Donald Sterling. I hope that TMZ will make a recurring feature out of providing glimpses into the private lives of NBA executives, coaches and players. The level of sanctimony amongst these juvenile moralizers will drop off a cliff. To cite an obvious example: The Clippers are currently in a playoff series against the Golden State Warriors. The coach of the Warriors, Mark Jackson, describes himself as “an African-American man that’s a fan of the game of basketball and knows its history and knows what’s right and what’s wrong.” He goes on to encourage people to boycott Clippers games and says, “We cannot allow someone with these feelings to profit.” Jackson is an ordained minister. He and his wife run the True Love Worship Center in Reseda, Ca. Jackson was also, a couple of years ago, the victim of an extortion… Read more →

Which Experts Predicted a UConn-Kentucky Title Game?

 

PunditTracker tracked March Madness 2014 brackets for 26 “experts” from ESPN, Yahoo, Sports Illustrated and CBS Sports, plus President Obama. Number of pundits who picked UConn to win the tournament: Zero. Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the final game: Zero. Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the Final Four: Zero. Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the Elite Eight: Zero. Read more →

Jerry Buss, 1933-2013

 

I’m sad. As a lifelong Laker fan, I kind of feel like I knew the guy. He bought the Lakers in 1979, which means he was younger than I am today, and now he’s dead at the age of 80. I feel old. Dr. Buss was a USC alum. Fight on. R.I.P. Jerry Buss Read more →

USC 75, UCLA 71 (OT)

 

Sorry to spoil Reggie Miller Jersey Retirement Night at the new Pauley Pavilion, but you should know better than to schedule these things against the Men of Troy. FIGHT ON! Read more →

Why Kyrie Irving is a Better Basketball Player Than Anyone in My Family

 

My son (age 19) and I are driving to Staples Center to see the Lakers take on the Cleveland Cavaliers, listening to the pre-game show on the radio. Because the Cavs are basically a one-man roster, and that one man is Kyrie Irving, there’s a lot of talk about Irving on the pre-game. One of the analysts offers up his opinion that Irving is as good as he is at such a young age (he’s 20) because Irving’s dad was hard on him as a kid and pushed him and didn’t let him take breaks. As always, when the topic of someone’s dad bullying him to greatness comes up, the boy gives me a melancholy look to say that my lack of abusiveness as a parent is the reason he’s not a professional athlete. “You let me take breaks,” he says. “You know,” I say, “I think for every guy… Read more →

I Have Kids Older Than NBA Players

 

My boy, a college sophomore, and I are watching the Lakers play the Charlotte Bobcats on the TV . . . “Did you know,” he says, “that I’m a full two months older than [Bobcats forward] Michael Kidd-Gilchrist?” “Hmmm . . . really?” “He grew more than me.” Kidd-Gilchrist is 6’7″, 232 lbs. He turned 19 in September. Read more →

Dee-FENSE

 

107-2 — Bloomington South girls basketball team beats Arlington — ESPN They gave up two points?! Who’s coaching the defense, Mike D’Antoni? Read more →

The Game Blame Game

 

My boy is playing NBA 2K12 and points out that my Where’s Waldo shirt looks like the Washington Wizards (nee Bullets) throwback uniforms. “Where’s John Wall-do?” he says. Ha ha. I get my comeback opportunity a few minutes later when his game player passes to a teammate, who scores, but his player doesn’t get credit for an ssist. “HOW CAN THAT BE ANYTHING BUT AN ASSIST FOR ME?!” he shouts in disbelief. “That’s bad programming.” “Oh I doubt that,” I say. “The people who program video games are a lot smarter than the people who play them.” Read more →

Derrick Williams

 

My boy saw Derrick Williams out and about the other night . . . Williams is from La Mirada (like me!), so it wouldn’t be unusual to spot him in the SoCal area. “You’re Derrick Williams, right?” the boy said. “No, that’s not me,” Williams replied. Williams was cleverly disguised in an Arizona basketball hoodie and Minnesota Timberwolves sweatpants. Oh, and he’s 6-foot-8. Read more →

Things You Can and Can’t Do

 

Things You Can Do Discriminate against Asians in college admissions. Things You Can’t Do Use “Chink in the Armor” as the headline for an article on the New York Knicks. Read more →

Jeremy Lin’s Mom

 

“My son shot 64% last night?! THAT IS A GRADE OF D! I AM ASHAMED!” — Jeremy Lin‘s mom Read more →

UCLA 66, USC 47

 

After this debacle of a basketball game, my son, a college freshman, says to me, “I should have gone to USC. I could probably walk on to basketball and make the team.” “Are you kidding? You could probably walk on and start,” I said. Read more →

Thank God for Coach K

 

Without whom Duke would be known for nothing more than educating the idiot offspring of our nation’s tobacco barons. Now that he’s broken the record, are there any grand jury reports waiting to be released? Related articles Duke Basketball Coach Krzyzewski On Joe Paterno: ‘I Think He’s A Great Man And It’s A Horrific Situation’ (huffingtonpost.com) Read more →

Is it Good Etiquette to Call Someone a Cocksucker?

 

The rivalry between the Flyers and Rangers turned ugly in a penalty-filled preseason game that also appeared to include a homophobic slur from Philadelphia’s Wayne Simmonds to noted New York agitator Sean Avery. — FOX Sports on MSN I suppose that means he called him a faggot. The writer should probably look up the word “homophobic.” I don’t know exactly when it became out of bounds to call someone a faggot, but I know Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for the same thing last season. Is it okay to call a guy a cocksucker? I think that’s okay. It’s essentially the same thing as calling him a faggot, but I think it’s still okay to call someone a cocksucker. Or to say “Suck my dick, motherfucker.” In fact, I think you could say “Suck my dick, you motherfucking cunt-lipped cocksucker” and still be within the bounds of decorum. Just don’t… Read more →

What Are the Laker Girls Going to Do?

 

The Laker Girls 2011 squad has been selected. (You can watch the auditions.) But with no Laker games, what are they going to do? Idea: Come over to the office, stand behind me all day and dance around every time I school someone. “Bob, let me be direct. Your idea has one problem. It’s stupid.” OHHHHHHH! Loud music! Dancing! Cheering! Read more →

Just Like the Pros

 

The boy comes home from somewhere this afternoon . . . “Where have you been?” I ask him. “Playing basketball,” he says, as he heads into the kitchen for a beverage. “I’ve been trying to call you. Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” “Does Kobe pick up his phone during a game? Neither do I.” Read more →

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