EppsNet Archive: Commercials

Commercials That Don’t Fit the NFL Audience

These Verizon and Sprint commercials I see on NFL telecasts, where beta male milquetoasts dispense advice on cell phones, seem misdirected toward what I imagine to be the pro football-watching demographic. Also off target: the Dove for Men commercials where metrosexuals meet up to lament the demoisturizing effects of their skin care products. Read more →

Yes, I’m Ready for the Big Game!

People keep asking me, “Lightning, are you ready for the Big Game?” OF COURSE I’M READY FOR THE BIG GAME! Look at me … how could I be any more ready than I already am?! P.S. Wake me up if there are any pug commercials this year. — Lightning Read more →

The College Football Playoff is Working

Under the old two-team BCS format, the teams that lost the semifinal games — Alabama and Florida State — would likely have played each other in the championship game, while the two winners — Oregon and Ohio State — would likely have been voted out. Florida State, as the defending champs and only undefeated team, would have been in for sure, while Ohio State would have just as certainly been out. That leaves Alabama and Oregon. One would have had to be dropped and it probably would have been Oregon. Four teams is still not enough (see TCU’s 42-3 blowout of Mississippi State) to be able to say that none of the teams voted out was good enough to win it. Also: I am sick unto death of the goddamn Larry Culpepper commercials. Enough of that already. Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

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Rearview Cameras in Cars

Gov’t delays requiring rearview cameras in cars — Associated Press Rearview cameras in cars seem like a good idea. Who wants to accidentally back over a child or a pet, right? It’s upsetting, not to mention whoever the child or pet belonged to is probably going to hold it against you forever. Let’s make rearview cameras required by law. In fact, let’s make rearview and frontview cameras required, because kids and pets can get under the front of your car too, and running over them is bad, no matter what direction you’re going. I’ve seen TV commercials where cars can detect obstacles in their path and stop automatically to avoid a collision. That’s great. Let’s make that required too. In fact, let’s make so many features required by law that you can’t even buy a car anymore for less than $50,000. You know what else is a good idea? Freedom,… Read more →

We Know What You Like: Cox

A commercial for Cox Communications comes on the TV, the gist of which is that no one knows what the young woman in the ad likes. A sushi chef, for example, serves her an oddball concoction that she doesn’t like, and I forget the rest, but you get the idea. “But here at Cox,” the ad goes on to say, “we know what you like.” I say, “She likes Cox.” My kid gives me a look. “C-O-X. Cox. Come on, man.” Read more →

Doritos Pug Attack

Let this be a lesson to all of you regarding pugs and food . . . — Lightning Read more →

Love and Money

My son and I are watching a TV commercial for Love Happens, which seems to be about a man forced to choose between financial gain and the love of a woman. This is one of those “teachable moments,” because the boy, who’s 15 now, may someday find himself facing the same choice as the guy in the movie, so I look at him with love and hard-earned wisdom and with a voice of great sincerity, I say: “Take the money.” Read more →

Separated at Birth?

Prime Minister of Zimbabwe Morgan Tsvangirai and that guy from the Miller High Life commercials . . . Read more →

The Alfa Romeo Sloth

This is an Italian Alfa Romeo commercial. To look at it, you wouldn’t know it’s a car commercial because there’s no car in it, but in Italy there’s a series of these Alfa Romeo sloth commercials. The running gag is that the sloth is a lethargic, slow-moving creature — until he gets in his Alfa Romeo — but this one’s a little different, in a mesmerizing WTF kind of way . . . Read more →