EppsNet Archive: Disney World

I Pledge Allegiance to [Omitted]

House Speaker Paul Ryan called on the Obama administration Monday to “release the full, unredacted transcript” of the Orlando massacre gunman’s 911 calls, slamming the Justice Department’s censoring of all references to Islam as “preposterous.” — Fox News Here’s what Omar Mateen, the Orlando shooter, sounds like in the redacted transcript: I pledge allegiance to [omitted] may God protect him [in Arabic], on behalf of [omitted]. No references to Islam, ISIS or Allah, who becomes “God [in Arabic].” In other news, 911 calls from the Disney World alligator attack are being released after redacting all references to alligators. It’s similar to 2012, when a terror attack (in Benghazi) was whitewashed in the months leading up to a presidential election, the thinking being that vulnerability to terrorism reflects poorly on the incumbent administration. This time they’re is not even bothering to lie about it (the Benghazi attack was supposedly a spontaneous… Read more →

Whitewater Adventures are for Pussies, or: A Rube in a Tube

A man from West Plains, Mo., has been found dead floating in the Meramec River after he disappeared from a tubing trip. Gregory L. Spurling, 55, was pronounced dead at about 12:50 a.m. Monday in Crawford County. — stltoday.com Kudos to Gregory L. Spurling, formerly of West Plains, Mo. — a real American! Frankly, I’m sick of these soft yuppie bastards who pay big money for “whitewater adventures” and pass themselves off as thrillseekers. Those trips are no more dangerous than a raft ride at Disney World. Riding down a river in an inner tube — now that’s excitement! You might die! Especially if your judgment’s been impaired by the consumption of alcohol. Don’t forget the sunscreen! Read more →

Vignettes from Disney World

On a bus ride from the hotel to one of the parks, we were seated behind a short, fat hayseed with an enormous head . . . we passed a number of landmarks and attractions, none of which seemed to capture his interest. Then, just as we arrived at the Magic Kingdom, he jumped halfway out of his seat, pointed to a clearing in the woods and shouted, “Turkeys! Wild turkeys, right there!” Read more →