EppsNet Archive: Environmentalists

The Democratic Party

The Democratic Party is really a synthesis of environmentalists and peace advocates with a few gay rights activists and public employee unions thrown in. — Dick Morris Read more →

Divorce is Bad for the Planet

Al, Tipper Gore Shock Friends With Divorce Announcement — ABC News As if the burden of divorce weren’t bad enough, people with failed marriages can be blamed for global warming, according to a study by Michigan State University. Divorced couples use up more space in their respective homes, which amounts to to 38 million more rooms worldwide to light, heat and cool, noted the report. And people who divorced used 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water than they would otherwise in 2005. Dissolving a marriage also means doubling possessions, from the lowly can opener to the SUV. The report, however, did not estimate how many more natural resources the children of shared-custody parents consume by getting birthday and holiday gifts twice. Nor did it count the greenhouse gases spent to shuttle kids between their pair of energy-hogging households. — CNET News Read more →

I Think Trees are Overrated

My son and I are watching Monday Night Football when an ad comes on in which every somber, sallow-faced environmentalist in the state is telling me to vote No on Proposition 7. I say to the boy, “You know, I don’t even know what Proposition 7 is, but if all of these sanctimonious pricks are against it, then I’m for it. GO HUMP A TREE, YOU PUSSIES!” The dog, who, unlike other members of the family, loves to hear the sound of my voice, jumps up on the sofa and starts licking my face. “That’s right, pup. Lightning says he doesn’t care about trees either, except that he likes to pee on them.” My son sighs and says, “We need trees” — very slowly, like he’s talking to an idiot. “Oh . . . well in that case, put me down as Undecided.” Read more →