EppsNet Archive: Haircuts

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

Men who schedule haircut appointments, especially men who schedule haircut appointments for weekday afternoons. Men who use the word “diva” in reference to their cat. Read more →

My Son Gets a Haircut

That’s my son getting a haircut to start the new year. I told the stylist to make him look like the boy in the photo. He doesn’t know it yet. Shhhhhhh! Read more →

A Gay Mexican Guy with a Mohawk

I went to get my hair cut at lunch. There was one guy waiting ahead of me and two stylists — a woman, and a gay Mexican guy with a Mohawk. Am I a bad person for praying that Mohawk would finish first (he did) and take the other guy? My son says when he was in Washington, D.C., he saw shops where all the hair cutters were men. “That’s different,” I explain. “Those are barbers. Barbers don’t mess around with you like stylists. I don’t want a gay guy with a Mohawk running his fingers through my hair. Note the fact that he’s a Mexican doesn’t matter at all. I mean, I’m not a racist or anything.” Read more →

What I Learned Today at Hair Masters

If you look like Larry Fine with one day to live, do not get your hair colored. You’re wasting your time and money and holding up the other patrons. Read more →

My Hair is Too Short

The girl at Fantastic Sam’s cut my hair too short. She was telling me about a car accident she had yesterday and I asked her, “Were you drunk at the time?” “In the morning?!” she yelled. “Hel-lo!? I was drinking coffee!” O-kay, like, overreaction! Probably in major denial mode, and does in fact have a serious drinking problem. And like I said, she took it out on my hair. Read more →

Conversations With a 9-Year-Old

“That’s a good haircut. You look very handsome.” “Did you say ‘handsome’?” “Yeah.” “I don’t want to be handsome.” “What do you want to be?” “Cooool.” Read more →