EppsNet Archive: Marriage

If You Love It So Much, Why Don’t You Marry It?

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Men and women can marry each other, men can marry men, women can marry women . . . someday it will be legal to marry the sound of your own voice because some people are really in love with the sound of their own voice. Read more →

Do We Still Have to Lean In?

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Sheryl [Sandberg] has made her husband, Dave, the role model for the perfect husband. She has said many times that the most important factor in her success was the husband she chose. And as late a week ago, she was saying that men need to do more, they are not doing enough, they need to take more responsibility. And, again, she held up her husband as an example. . . . So then, I would like to know why was he on vacation in Mexico without Sheryl and without the kids? What was it a vacation from? Who was he with? Why was Sheryl in DC instead of going to get the body? Why was Sheryl in DC instead of home with her kids? Why does Dave take a vacation when Sheryl is scheduled to be gone? I wouldn’t ask so many questions except that Sheryl keeps telling me to… Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

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People who post love letters to their spouse on Facebook: I’m a fairly smart guy. I’ve done smart things and dumb things. But by far, the smartest thing I ever did was 32 years ago today: I married [wife’s name]. I knew she was beautiful, smart, fun, and kind. And pregnant. You left out “pregnant.” And that she has a father with a Sicilian code of ethics who was not going to let his daughter give birth out of wedlock. What I’ve learned over the years is that she is all those and so much more. My wife is loyal, strong, persistent, faithful, courageous, generous . . . Congratulations, you married a Boy Scout! . . . and a person of great integrity. Additionally, she’s a gifted musician. Oh come on, everyone knows that’s not true. She’s not even as good as me and I’m a complete phony. At 24,… Read more →

Learn How to Get a Man From a Woman With 14 Husbands

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My first thought was that this woman should write a book. There are a lot of books out there about how to get a man, how to get a husband . . . how does one assess the credibility of the advice? Normally a woman who’s markedly overweight and doesn’t have a single attractive feature can’t even get a date, let alone alone a husband, and yet this woman’s had 14 of them! How does she do it?! Who wouldn’t like to know her secret? I would! Paste her grinning mug on the cover — the woman with 14 husbands! — and the book sells itself. Her upcoming jail term should give her plenty of time to write it. Read more →

The Last Straw

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It’s never just one thing. Incidents accumulate over time. We’d all murder our spouses if we lived long enough . . . Read more →

Still Right on the Black Family After All These Years

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Next month marks the 50th anniversary of Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s report on the black family, the controversial document issued while he served as an assistant secretary in President Lyndon Johnson’s Labor Department. Moynihan highlighted troubling cultural trends among inner-city blacks, with a special focus on the increasing number of fatherless homes. For his troubles, Moynihan was denounced as a victim-blaming racist bent on undermining the civil-rights movement. . . . Later this year the nation also will mark the 50th anniversary of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, which some consider the most significant achievement of the modern-day civil-rights movement. . . . Since 1970 the number of black elected officials in the U.S. has grown to more than 9,000 from fewer than 1,500 and has included big-city mayors, governors, senators and of course a president. But even as we note this progress, the political gains have not redounded to the… Read more →

Civil Rights Symmetry

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Why does a Civil Rights Bill forbid me to apply racial criteria when I choose an employee but allow me to apply racial criteria when I choose an employer? If I turn down a job offer, should I be required to prove that my motives were not discriminatory? … Why am I permitted to apply racial criteria when I select a spouse but not when I select a personal assistant? — Steven Landsburg, The Armchair Economist Read more →

We Save Things Around Here

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What do I mean by “save things”? My wife was tidying up the garage and found this checkbook. The date (Dec. 19, 1991, the month after we got married) and the check number (101) tells me that it’s the first check we ever wrote on the first joint checking account we ever had. Read more →

Martial Artist, Self-Taught

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“I’m taking a self-defense workshop for women this weekend.” “My wife knows martial arts.” “What kind of martial arts does she know?” “I’m not sure. She’s self-taught. She’s Asian, she thinks she’s good at everything Asians are supposed to be good at: martial arts, badminton . . . some people might say she doesn’t know martial arts at all, she’s just violent and crazy.” Read more →

How I Identified the Impostor

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Capgras Syndrome – The patient believes that a friend, spouse, parent, or other close family member has been replaced by an identical-looking impostor. We’re going on an overnight trip out of town. Whenever we do that, my wife packs a bag the size of a steamer trunk full of clothes and god-knows-what for all eventualities. This morning, when I went to carry the giant bag downstairs, I realized it was only half full. It was too light. And that is how I identified the impostor. Read more →

Small Obstinacies and a Few Proverbs

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They have dragged out their life in stupor and semi-sleep, they have married hastily, they have made children at random. They have met other men in cafes, at weddings and funerals. Sometimes, caught in the tide, they have struggled against it without understanding what was happening to them. All that has happened around them has eluded them; long, obscure shapes, events from afar, brushed by them rapidly and when they turned to look all had vanished. And then, around forty, they christen their small obstinacies and a few proverbs with the name of experience, they begin to simulate slot machines: put a coin in the left hand slot and you get tales wrapped in silver paper, put a coin in the slot on the right and you get precious bits of advice that stick to your teeth like caramels. — Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea Read more →

EppsNet Book Reviews: Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

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Richard Yates poses the question of how much reality people can stand, and the answer he comes up with is “not very much.” Alternatives to facing reality head-on are explored in Revolutionary Road: avoidance, denial, alcoholism, insanity and death. Some excerpts: “You want to play house you got to have a job. You want to play very nice house, very sweet house, you got to have a job you don’t like. Great. This is the way ninety-eight-point-nine per cent of the people work things out, so believe me buddy you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Anybody comes along and says ‘Whaddya do it for?’ you can be pretty sure he’s on a four-hour pass from the State funny-farm; all agreed.”   And all because, in a sentimentally lonely time long ago, she had found it easy and agreeable to believe whatever this one particular boy felt like saying, and to… Read more →

I Am the Bath Day Messenger

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My wife is preparing to give the dog a bath in the kitchen sink . . . I say, “Lightning says be sure to warm up the water before you start spraying him with it.” “I always do that.” “He says that in his experience, the water is sometimes too cold . . . I’m just telling you what he said. Don’t shoot the messenger.” Read more →

What is Love?

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My wife tells me that LACMA has free admission today for Presidents’ Day, and if I want to go, she’ll come along as my arm candy. I enjoy art museums; my wife doesn’t. If she had clammed up about the free admission, I would never have known about it. That’s what love is . . . Read more →

Japan, Day 1: Osaka Castle, Todai-ji Temple, Kiyomizu Temple

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Osaka Castle The main tower of Osaka Castle is situated on a plot of land roughly one square kilometer. It is built on two raised platforms of landfill supported by sheer walls of cut rock, using a technique called Burdock piling, each overlooking a moat. The central castle building is five stories on the outside and eight stories on the inside, and built atop a tall stone foundation to protect its occupants from attackers. The Castle grounds, which cover approximately 60,000 square meters (15 acres) contain thirteen structures which have been designated as Important Cultural Assets by the Japanese government. In 1583 Toyotomi Hideyoshi commenced construction on the site of the Ikko-ikki temple of Ishiyama Hongan-ji. The basic plan was modeled after Azuchi Castle, the headquarters of Oda Nobunaga. Toyotomi wanted to build a castle that mirrored Oda’s, but surpassed it in every way: the plan featured a five-story main… Read more →

A Display of Interest, However Shallow

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He himself did not care what happened at the house during the day. There was no more reason for her to be curious about his work than for him to be concerned with the groceries, laundry, getting the children to school, and whatever else she did. Yet it would seem rude, almost brutal, to drop the pretense and admit that neither particularly cared what the other was doing. A display of interest, however shallow, made life easier. — Evan Connell, Mr. Bridge Read more →

Lightning’s 6 Keys to Marital Bliss

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Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! What does a dog know about marriage is what you are probably asking yourself. Well, I know about lighthearted enjoyment of life and overcoming negativity, and negativity is a big problem in human relationships. That is what I see. So here are my tips: Be positive and not negative. Remove all negativity. I have done this every day now for 10 years. You should start out and try for at least 30 days in a row. Show your partner every day that you love them and appreciate them. If your partner says or does something that you don’t understand, be curious about it and not judgmental. Make your partner feel completely safe around you. Have fun together. Be a predictable source of pleasure. — Lightning Read more →

Gay Divorcee Wants $94,000 a Month

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Jane Lynch’s ex wants $94,000 in monthly spousal support — MSN TV News You’ve gotta be careful what you wish for. We want to be able to marry our same-sex partners. We want to enjoy the blessings and sacraments of love just like straight people. O-kay . . . do you also want to pay $94,000 a month to your same-sex partner when things don’t work out? Back in the pre-gay-marriage era, Jane Lynch could have ended the relationship with a handshake and perhaps a modest gratuity if she felt like it. People don’t know when they’re well-off. Group A feels put upon in comparison to Group B, wants to be more like Group B, and doesn’t think about having to give up the advantages of NOT being like Group B. As Bobby Fischer used to say, “To get squares, you’ve got to give squares.” Everything’s a tradeoff. Read more →

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