EppsNet Archive: Names

Fernando and Barbara Ann

24 Jan 2018 /

I got an email today from a guy named Fernando and I can’t get the song out of my mind . . .

Can you hear the drums, Fernando?
There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando.

I would not want to have a name that reminds people of a song that they immediately start singing to me my whole life.

Like Jude. Or Barbara Ann. Barbara Ann would be a bad name to have . . .


19 Jan 2018 /

You call me a Christian, to make me angry and to make yourself feel happy. Others call themselves Christians, to make themselves feel other emotions. Very well, if we are dealing in exciting words, I will call you a devil-worshipper. That should give you an agitation which will please you for some time.

— Zabardast Khan

This Morning at Starbucks

9 Sep 2016 /
starbucks name tag

The girl at Starbucks greeted me by name this morning, which surprised me because she’s still pretty new.

“How do you remember people’s names so fast?” I asked.

She kind of shrugged it off . . . “If I see someone enough times, I remember.”

“I know your name, of course. Sophia. But it’s easier for me because they’re are only a few employees to remember.”

“And we wear these name tags.”

“Yeah, that too.”

Chuck and Chip

11 Mar 2016 /

I’d like to work with a guy named Chuck because I like the word “upchuck,” as in “What’s up Chuck?” That’s something I would say a lot.

It’s also a dream of mine to work with someone named Chip so every day when one of us went home I could say “Goodbye Mr. Chip.”

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Park Slope Kids’ Names

25 Jan 2015 /

FYI — Park Slope is a neighborhood in northwest Brooklyn, considered one of New York City’s most desirable neighborhoods.

4 Links

20 Mar 2014 /

Little Known Facts About Famous Bluesmen

4 Jul 2012 /
Blind Willie McTell

Blind Willie McTell originally considered the name Spicy Chicken McBites.

Adolf Hitler in New Jersey

23 Nov 2011 /

Adolf Hitler in Yugoslavia.

Image via Wikipedia

The New Jersey parents who named their boy Adolf Hitler seem like fruitcakes but if being a fruitcake is now a justification for taking your kids away, you could walk through any mall in America confiscating kids left and right . . .

Help Me

13 Jun 2011 /

I’m glad I don’t have a name that immediately makes people want to sing a well-known song at me. For example, I was just introduced to a woman named Rhonda . . .

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More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

8 May 2011 /

People who name their daughter Khloe. Or any other name starting with a K that really should start with a C. But especially Khloe.


20 Mar 2011 /

Did You Know? Shelvin Mack has brothers named Floorin, Roofin and Drywall.

An African-American Name

9 Dec 2008 /
NFL Street

My son needs an African-American name for a character he created in NFL Street.

“How about Kareem of Wheat?” I suggest.

He decides to go with Delondre McWreck . . .