EppsNet Archive: Names

Maiden Name


Marrying left your maiden name disused. Its five light sounds no longer mean your face, Your voice, and all your variants of grace; For since you were so thankfully confused By law with someone else, you cannot be Semantically the same as that young beauty: It was of her that these two words were used. Now it’s a phrase applicable to no one, Lying just where you left it, scattered through Old lists, old programmes, a school prize or two Packets of letters tied with tartan ribbon – Then is it scentless, weightless, strengthless, wholly Untruthful? Try whispering it slowly. No, it means you. Or, since you’re past and gone, It means what we feel now about you then: How beautiful you were, and near, and young, So vivid, you might still be there among Those first few days, unfingermarked again. So your old name shelters our faithfulness, Instead of… Read more →

Fernando and Barbara Ann


I got an email today from a guy named Fernando and I can’t get the song out of my mind . . . Can you hear the drums, Fernando? There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando. I would not want to have a name that reminds people of a song that they immediately start singing to me my whole life. Like Jude. Or Barbara Ann. Barbara Ann would be a bad name to have . . . Read more →



You call me a Christian, to make me angry and to make yourself feel happy. Others call themselves Christians, to make themselves feel other emotions. Very well, if we are dealing in exciting words, I will call you a devil-worshipper. That should give you an agitation which will please you for some time. — Zabardast Khan Read more →

This Morning at Starbucks


The girl at Starbucks greeted me by name this morning, which surprised me because she’s still pretty new. “How do you remember people’s names so fast?” I asked. She kind of shrugged it off . . . “If I see someone enough times, I remember.” “I know your name, of course. Sophia. But it’s easier for me because they’re are only a few employees to remember.” “And we wear these name tags.” “Yeah, that too.” Read more →

Chuck and Chip


I’d like to work with a guy named Chuck because I like the word “upchuck,” as in “What’s up Chuck?” That’s something I would say a lot. It’s also a dream of mine to work with someone named Chip so every day when one of us went home I could say “Goodbye Mr. Chip.” Read more →

Park Slope Kids’ Names


Park Slope kids' names. pic.twitter.com/moytVBIaIz — Jeff Chu (@jeffchu) January 25, 2015 FYI — Park Slope is a neighborhood in northwest Brooklyn, considered one of New York City’s most desirable neighborhoods. Read more →

4 Links


5 Design Techniques to Incite User Emotion (UX Movement) 5 Modern WordPress Alternatives to Keep an Eye On (Six Revisions) Kafka’s Joke Book (McSweeney’s) Yoonique Baby Names: 2014 Edition (STFU, Parents) Read more →

Little Known Facts About Famous Bluesmen


Blind Willie McTell originally considered the name Spicy Chicken McBites. Read more →

Adolf Hitler in New Jersey


The New Jersey parents who named their boy Adolf Hitler seem like fruitcakes but if being a fruitcake is now a justification for taking your kids away, you could walk through any mall in America confiscating kids left and right . . . Read more →

Help Me


I’m glad I don’t have a name that immediately makes people want to sing a well-known song at me. For example, I was just introduced to a woman named Rhonda . . . Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of


People who name their daughter Khloe. Or any other name starting with a K that really should start with a C. But especially Khloe. Read more →



Did You Know? Shelvin Mack has brothers named Floorin, Roofin and Drywall. Read more →

An African-American Name


My son needs an African-American name for a character he created in NFL Street. “How about Kareem of Wheat?” I suggest. He decides to go with Delondre McWreck . . . Read more →