EppsNet Archive: New Jersey

The Last Straw

7 Apr 2015 /

http://www.nj.com/bergen/index.ssf/2015/04/100-year-old_man_killed_sleeping_wife_with_axe_fat.html

It’s never just one thing. Incidents accumulate over time.

We’d all murder our spouses if we lived long enough . . .


James Gandolfini Will See You in Hell

21 Jun 2013 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

James Gandolfini is in Hell now. He says hi, and thanks for all the kind words.

I’ve been at this gig a long time now but it still amazes me the hyperbole that surrounds the death of actors. Every one of them who dies is one of the great thespians of all time, if you buy into the post-mortem hype.

Most lines of work have objective standards. When Joe Shlabotnik bites the dust, you can’t eulogize him as one of the great ballplayers of all time. But acting is something anyone can do well. You learn the script, say your lines and pick up your check.

“He died too soon,” people say. When was he supposed to die? Like we can’t find another fat Italian guy to learn a script, say his lines and pick up his check?

As George Burns used to say, “Good acting is when Walter Matthau says to me, ‘How are you?’ and I answer, ‘Fine.’ That’s good acting. If Walter Matthau asks me, ‘How are you?’ and I answer, ‘I think it fell on the floor,’ then that’s bad acting.”

George is in heaven now.

Gandolfini’s in Hell for a couple of reasons. He was married — not when he died, but a long time ago — to a woman named Marcy Wudarski. He divorced her in December 2002, after he got famous from being on the television. They had a young son together.

Listen up, big shots. And this goes for the ladies too. You wake up one day and realize that you’re famous and you’re married to a Polack from New Jersey. You took what you could get at the time but you could do a lot better now. (Gandolfini’s widow is an Asian ex-model.) Do you have kids? No? Fine! Do whatever you want!

But God likes for married couples with kids to stick together. He says that all the evidence points to kids with intact families doing a lot better in life. Yeah, I know you’re bored with your relationship but your kids aren’t bored with it so quit being selfish.

Reason number two: God gets angry when people pretend to kill and be killed for entertainment purposes. Heads up: A lot of folks are going to Hell over this one. Death is the main source of entertainment in the U.S. at this time. Death and karaoke shows. And God doesn’t like karaoke shows either.

Gandolfini is famous for being on a TV show that entertained people with violence and death. Who’s laughing now, fat boy?

See you in Hell . . .


Adolf Hitler in New Jersey

23 Nov 2011 /

Adolf Hitler in Yugoslavia.

Image via Wikipedia


The New Jersey parents who named their boy Adolf Hitler seem like fruitcakes but if being a fruitcake is now a justification for taking your kids away, you could walk through any mall in America confiscating kids left and right . . .


NARCh 2011 – Day 2

21 Jul 2011 /

Two more round-robin games today, morning and evening . . .

Devil Dogs 6, Detroit Mission Stars 2

Devil Dogs played a great game, best I’ve seen them play this season.

ISCA Grizzlies (NJ) 5, Devil Dogs 3

The Grizzlies are a good, fast team. That said, the Devil Dogs played a subpar game.

Tomorrow is a critical day. Final round-robin games in the morning, after which the top teams start the single-elimination playoff rounds.

By the end of the day, only four teams will be left standing.

If the Devil Dogs win their last round-robin game, they’ll be in the playoffs at 3-1. If they lose, they’ll be 2-2 and could still get a low playoff seed, but it will be a close call . . .


New Jersey is the Worst Place to Die

22 Feb 2011 /

The worst place to die is New Jersey with a combined effective estate and inheritance tax rate of 54.1%. Congrats to the Garden State! In second place is Maryland at 50.9%. Good try!