EppsNet Archive: Orange County

Microblog: 2009-04-05


RT @Ben373: Being responsible is below my pay grade. 🙂 (The New Yorker) # Temperatures soared into the 80s in Orange County this weekend. Thank god I stockpiled enough rum, Coke and ice to ride it out… # @Ben373 My wife is Asian. Your post gave her the idea of putting birthday candles in wonton soup. I can’t see how that’s going to work… in reply to Ben373 # Read more →

Emergency Preparedness


Temperatures soared into the 80s in Orange County this weekend. Thank god I stockpiled enough rum, Coke and ice to ride it out . . . Read more →

Signs of the Times


The house two doors down from us is for sale. The house across the street is empty and for sale. The woman behind us and the woman next door, who was recently laid off, have asked my wife if she knows anything about loan modification . . . Read more →

Be on the Lookout for a Hardened Criminal


Man arrested may be linked to Viagra theft — OCRegister.com Read more →

Don’t Tase Me, Bro


Physicist who invented the Taser gun dies — OCRegister.com Come to find out, the guy who invented the Taser lived right here in Orange County, in Mission Viejo! I’m shocked! Read more →

To Live and Die in Irvine


IRVINE – A group of solemn people sat around tables at a fast-food Chinese restaurant off Jeffrey Road on Wednesday night after a man was shot and killed while sitting in a white Lexus parked behind the eatery. — OCRegister.com At least he died in a nice car. It’s Irvine, Jake! This happened a stone’s throw from my house. Well, more than a stone’s throw but let’s say a hard 5-iron with a good bounce off Trabuco Road. I’ve been to that Chinese restaurant many times. (It’s a dine-in restaurant, not a fast-food place, despite what the Register says.) Don’t worry about me though. Irvine is still the safest city in the country. That guy must have gotten himself mixed up in some kind of trouble . . . Read more →

A Lack of Foresight


It’s chilly tonight in Orange County — temperatures in the low 40s — but the dog still needs to go out for a walk so I ask my son to please take care of it. “It’s kinda cold,” he says. “It’s okay,” I reply. “He’s got fur.” “I don’t have fur.” “You should have thought of that when you asked for a dog.” Read more →

Aloha, Gary


My wife tells me the Gary’s Island store in Newport Beach is going out of business. I hope it’s not true. It’s a great store, but I suppose in a down economy, high-end Hawaiian shirts are even more of a luxury item than usual . . . Read more →

Santa Ana Winds


There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot dry Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight. Meek little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands’ necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of beer at a cocktail lounge. — Raymond Chandler, “Red Wind” Read more →

Fun with Charts


I use charts like this one to track open project tickets, color-coded by priority. At a meeting last week, I pointed out that the number of open tickets on this particular project had peaked out at 70 and was now dropping faster than the value of my house, at which one of the attendees laughed more enthusiastically than I thought was necessary. “Why is that funny?” I asked. I mean, it was supposed to be a little funny, but not laugh-out-loud funny. “I’ve been there,” she said. Read more →

Chick’s vs. Dick’s


Last year, Dick’s Sporting Goods bought Chick’s Sporting Goods. According to the Orange County Register, the four Chick’s locations in Orange County, including the one in Tustin that I shop at, will all be replaced by Dick’s by the second half of 2009. I’m not happy about this. Oh, I know there are people who like Dick’s, and there are people who are 50-50 on the matter and can go either way, but there are also a lot of people like me who really prefer Chick’s. In fact, I’ve been doing Chick’s for so long that I don’t see how I’m ever going to get used to Dick’s. Read more →

Peter Pan, Snow White Arrested at Disneyland


They’re having a labor dispute over at the Magic Kingdom — complete with costumed protestors — which resulted in Peter Pan, Snow White, Cinderella, Tinkerbell and others being handcuffed, frisked and stuffed into the paddy wagon yesterday . . . Read more →

The Most Famous Person I Ever Met


I was at Juice It Up again today and the same girl was at the register. “That was Sugar Ray Leonard yesterday,” she said. “How do you know,” I asked. “He came back in later. I asked him, ‘Are you famous?’ and he said, ‘I was.’ I said, ‘Do you mind if I ask your name?’ and he said ‘Sugar Ray Leonard.’” So Olympic gold medalist and American icon Sugar Ray Leonard is now officially the most famous person I ever “met” — even if college girls and suburban hausfraus have no idea who he is. (I saw Rod Stewart having dinner once at the Hotel Bel-Air but he’s not even a real American . . .) Read more →

Brush With Greatness


You’ll never guess who I saw at the Juice It Up in Aliso Viejo: Sugar Ray Leonard, the famous boxer! He was in line in front of me with a couple of his kids. I wasn’t sure it was him at first, so I discreetly asked the college-age girl at the register, “Was that somebody famous?” “Who?” she asked. “The guy in front of me. That was Sugar Ray Leonard, right?” The name meant nothing to her, but another gentleman in the shop assured me that it was really him. Interesting fact: Leonard’s wife, who was waiting outside the shop, is not very attractive. You might think that the great Sugar Ray Leonard’s wife would be much hotter than, say, my wife, but such is not the case. Not even close. Is it possible that Roberto Duran had just caught a glimpse of Mrs. Leonard ringside when he uttered his… Read more →

Some Things I Did This Weekend


Experimented with the Hockneyizer. Added FancyZoom to the 99 Most Interesting Photos of Orange County. Read more →

Our Kids Are Smarter Than Your Kids


A new set of California Academic Performance Index (API) scores are out . . . In Irvine, where I live, education is king, and the school district posted a very nice score: 888 out of 1000. Breaking it down demographically, the Asian kids led the way with a 933. African-American and Hispanic kids were both more than 100 points below the average, but there are so few of them in the district that they don’t affect the overall score very much. Even the special ed kids scored a respectable 705, higher than the 668 scored by the neighboring Santa Ana district, where education takes a back seat to gang-related slayings. Irvine: Our special ed kids are smarter than your honor students. Read more →

Asian Gang Activities


A co-worker informs me that a Santa Ana elementary school teacher has been charged with child endangerment for keeping a gun in her classroom. “Well, that’s Santa Ana,” I say. “What do you expect from people? Not a day goes by that you can’t pick up the Orange County Register and read about a gang-related slaying in Santa Ana. If I were a teacher in Santa Ana, you best believe I’d be packing heat too. Thank god this kind of thing doesn’t happen in Irvine where I live.” “There are Asian gangs in Irvine.” “Asian gangs in Irvine?! What a racist you are. I’ve lived in Irvine for seven years and I’ve never seen or heard of any Asian gang activity. Unless studying for AP exams counts as a gang activity. Blowing their brains out with mathematical formulas . . .” Read more →

That’s What You Think


My son’s on spring break this week. Today he spent the day with a friend volunteering at the local Boys and Girls Club. “I was watching kids for seven-and-a-half hours!” he says. I say, “I’ve been watching a kid for 15 years.” “Yeah, well, I’m a lot easier.” Read more →

Honor Roll


My son made the honor roll his first semester in high school. I’m very proud of him. He’s in a competitive (translation: high percentage of Asian kids) high school and he’s taking honors classes, where every kid thinks they should get an A but there aren’t enough A’s to go around. An email went out to parents listing the Honor Roll kids. There are a lot of kids on the Honor Roll at this school. They should send out a list of the kids who didn’t make the Honor Roll. It wouldn’t be much longer and it would teach the kids a good lesson: Work hard or be humiliated. Another idea: Only kids taking honors classes would be eligible for the Honor Roll. All other kids would be eligible for the “Honor” (insert finger-quotes here) Roll. Read more →

Early Shift at Starbucks


I walked into Starbucks at 5:30 this morning, ordered a drink . . . the Starbucks guy asked my name and wrote it on the cup, despite the fact that I was the only customer in the store. Whether that would be considered a training success or failure depends on whether Starbucks trains its people to always ask for the customer’s name, or to use situational judgment. I was hoping the barista would call my name when the drink was ready so I could do a comical “who, me?” take, but she just set it on the counter . . . Read more →

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