Recruiters who write job descriptions with requirements like this: Great Communication – must be able to speak very clear Read more →
EppsNet Archive: People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Parents who let their kids grow up stupid and blame the schools People who yawn or sneeze a LOT louder than necessary People who use the expression “we tip our hat [or cap] to those guys,” especially if they’re wearing a hat and they don’t physically tip it Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
I’m going to savagely murder the next person I hear use the word “spend” as a noun, as in “leveraging our spend.” Spend is a verb. Spending is a noun, e.g., “leveraging our spending.” I would still have to maim you for saying “leveraging” though, so try “getting the most for our money.” You can also avoid death by saying “How much does it cost?” instead of “What is our spend?” You have been warned. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Anyone who uses the word “surface” to mean “put forward for consideration,” e.g., “I’d like to surface a topic.” If you must use “surface” as a verb, I’m okay with you surfacing a driveway or surfacing a submarine, but if you’re going around surfacing topics, then you really need to leave the world immediately . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People Who “Rescued” Their Dog How did you rescue it? Run into a burning warehouse? Punch a bear in the face? No — you got the dog at the pound because you’re too cheap to buy one. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who say “myself” instead of “me,” as in “It’s a failure for myself losing to the Mavericks.” Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who name their daughter Khloe. Or any other name starting with a K that really should start with a C. But especially Khloe. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Blue Man Group
Hey fellas — mime died out with Red Skelton. It doesn’t become entertaining again because you paint your head blue. I say to my kid, “You know what I would do if I owned the Blue Man Group concept is have multiple shows all over the world so I can make more money.” “You can’t do that,” he says. (It turns out they actually do do this, BTW.) “Why not? It’s not like going to see the Beatles, where people actually care who’s in the group. It’s more like going to see Lion King. Why would there be only one Lion King show?” “If you’re making more money, then I’d want you to pay me more money.” “Well, that’s the beauty of my idea, Clem Kadiddlehopper, because as I said, nobody cares about you. You want more money, you can take a hike. I’ll get another guy in here and… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Guys at the gym who blow-dry their ass . . . Read more →
Here Come the Brides
We went to a wedding over the weekend, although it won’t be recognized as such by the state of California because both people involved were women. One of the women is Asian, the other Mexican. Both are in their late 20s, both pretty, and they seem to be very happy together. The reception was held at The Reef restaurant, affording a beautiful view of Long Beach harbor and the downtown lights beyond. The bride wore white. The other bride also wore white. We couldn’t find a “bride and bride” wedding card at the Hallmark store. We asked an employee about it, an older woman. “You want what?” she said. “A bride and bride card. All the wedding cards are bride and groom, a man holding a woman’s hand. What we want is a bride and bride card.” “We don’t have anything like that,” she said. “You should get some.”… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Pregnant women I’ve never heard of General rule: If you’re pregnant and I’m not the father, I don’t need to be informed. Couldn’t care less. Melissa Rycroft? Lily Allen? Who the hell are these people? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who use the word “signage,” e.g., “We’ve got to put up some signage so people can find the right conference rooms.” Look — like most words, the plural of “sign” is formed by adding “-s” at the end, not “-age.” This kind of language abuse just makes everyone stupider. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Adventurers Jonny Copp, a well-known mountain climber and adventurer who grew up in Fullerton, has been found dead on the side of Mount Edgar, China, the apparent victim of an avalanche, according to a variety of websites, including his own. — Orange County Register Three words that come to mind when I hear someone introduced as an “adventurer”: Die, die, die . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed–who never would be missed! — W.S. Gilbert, The Mikado People who use the word “bandwidth” to mean “time,” as in “I’ll see if Sally has the bandwidth to handle that.” Analog signals have bandwidth, communication channels have bandwidth . . . people don’t have bandwidth. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People “complaining” about their busy lives. Cancel some activities and shut the hell up. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who run a family business and call it, for example, Dawson & Dawson. That’s stupid. Call it The Dawson Company. Or Dawson, Inc. What if another family member joins the business? Do you rename it Dawson, Dawson & Dawson? The only acceptable reason for doing this is if the people involved are completely unrelated but both happen to be named Dawson. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who refer to their favorite sports team in the first person So instead of “The Lakers didn’t play very well last night but they still won the game,” they’ll say “We didn’t play very well last night but we still won the game.” We?! What position do you play? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Diagonal Jaywalkers I don’t mind if you want to cut across the middle of the road. I do that myself. But when I do it, I take a straight line perpendicular to the street and I walk briskly, maybe even jog a little bit. I don’t take a diagonal path into oncoming traffic and refuse to speed up when I see a car coming. Why do I not do it that way, you ask? Two reasons: The person driving the car may not be paying attention and may run me over and kill me. The person driving the car may be a crazy person looking to run over anybody who gets in his way. YOU DON’T THINK SO?! There’s a lot of nuts out there! Read the news! I swear to god, some days I feel like I’m just hanging on by a thread myself. Think about that the next… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed–who never would be missed! — W.S. Gilbert, The Mikado People who say “pitcher” when they mean “picture” . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who back into parking spaces Look, toolbox — you can either back into the spot when you arrive or back out of the spot when you leave. Backing in is harder because you’ve got less room to work with and you don’t want to bang into a neighboring vehicle. If you back out, you’re backing into open space. But the worst thing is that by backing in, you put your driver’s side door right next to my driver’s side door, so we have to wait for each other to get in and out of the cars . . . Read more →