EppsNet Archive: Pit Bulls

What Kind of Dogs Were They?


The dogs were pit bulls. I haven't been so shocked since Claude Rains discovered gambling at Rick's Café. https://t.co/eBN7UuKLPy — Paul Epps (@paulepps) October 8, 2022 Read more →

Parenting Blunders Ranked


In other pit bull news, our neighbors across the street, who have a 5-year-old son, just brought home a 1-year-old pit bull from the animal shelter. This is a terrible idea because they don’t know the background of the dog, what is its history with people, adults, children, with other dogs, etc. Of course that’s true of rescue dogs of any breed, but the worst-case scenarios with most breeds don’t include maiming or killing a family member, probably your 5-year-old. Even the most poorly socialized pug, golden retriever, chihuahua, etc., is not going to kill anyone. By the way, I think pit bulls are great dogs but they need to be socialized and trained. I wouldn’t get one from an animal shelter because I don’t know the background of the dog. As parenting blunders go, this is not quite up there with letting your child fall into a gorilla enclosure,… Read more →

Don’t Put a Sweater on a Pit Bull


Police in Florida say a dog named Scarface attacked a family who tried to put a sweater on it. Tampa police say the pit bull mix bit a 52-year-old woman who was trying to dress it Friday and her husband was attacked while trying to pull the dog off her. Police say the couple’s 22-year-old son was attacked while trying to stop the dog by stabbing it in the neck and head. The three people escaped the house and left the dog in the backyard. They ended up in the hospital. — Miami Herald Woman attacked when she tries to put a sweater on the dog, husband attacked when he tries to pull the dog off his wife, son attacked while trying to stab the dog in the neck and head . . . meet your average, run-of-the-mill pit bull owners. Folks, if you feel like you really must put… Read more →

Affinities Can Kill You


Boy, 9, mauled to death by dogs in Yuba County — The Sacramento Bee Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! This article says that a 9-year-old (in human years) boy was killed by 3 pit bulls that belonged to his older sister. It says that his sister has an affinity for pit bulls because she thinks that pit bulls are not dangerous even though a lot of people say they are dangerous and that is not fair to pit bulls. I don’t what an affinity is but it must be something that can kill you or your little brother. Wait — my owner says “affinity” means something you like, like he has an affinity for pugs and because he has an affinity for pugs, all of his family members are still alive. If you own a pit bull, you also need to have a pug to keep the pit bull in… Read more →

Separating the Sheep From the Goats


Three pit bulls that slaughtered 42 goats captured — latimes.com Oh dear, this is going to fuel more paranoia and irrational fear of pit bulls. I call on other dog breeds to slaughter more goats! Read more →

Pregnant Woman Mauled to Death by Pug


Ha ha, just kidding . . . it was a pit bull — again. Reports: Pet pit bull mauls pregnant Calif. woman to death — msnbc.com Her dad said, “She lived her own life, no matter what anyone else said.” Probably everyone said that pit bulls are dangerous so she decided to get one. How’s that working out for you? If you own a pit bull, you also need to have a pug to keep the pit bull in line. — Lightning Read more →

Dog Problems


I got an email today from a confused person who says that “any dog of any breed can have bad temperament, poor training and poor socialization, and can therefore be a problem.” Fair enough, but there are “problems” and then there are problems, and if you don’t account for the size and strength of the breed, you’ve got a pretty silly argument on your hands. In our neighborhood, we have an angry Chihuahua with a crazy owner. The owner is crazy and the dog is crazy. We see them sometimes when I’m out walking Lightning. The dog yaps and yaps and strains at the leash and Lightning just looks at him like, “You’ve got to be kidding.” A poorly socialized Chihuahua doesn’t create the kind of problem that anyone really cares about. On the other hand, there’s another aggressive dog — a pit bull mix, much bigger than a Chihuahua.… Read more →

We Had Some Trouble Here Last Night


He is a bad dog . . . a pit bull mix. Last night he attacked Kumba the Shih Tzu, who is my neighbor across the street, and Kumba’s owner. My owner heard screaming and ran outside. The pit bull owner was holding his dog back and Kumba’s owner was down on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming. She was very scared. She held her hand up to my owner like a drowning person. Kumba was hiding in some bushes behind a tree so my owner went in and carried him out. Then the police came and the firemen came. Kumba had a bite on his back and one of his back legs was hurt but he’s going to be okay and his owner is going to be okay. I told Kumba he was very brave, even though he wasn’t. But it made him feel better and there was no harm… Read more →

A Time to Worry


It was a weird day for dog walking. Just after Lightning had a run-in with a rottweiler, who fortunately turned out to be docile, we came upon a young man and what looked like his mom walking a pit bull. The woman said “Hold ‘im, Cody” to the kid in a chain-smoker voice and I veered Lightning in another direction. I wasn’t taking any chances because they looked exactly like the kind of people who’d own a violent pit bull. You’ve got Ma, the chain-smoking meth addict, and her boy Cody, the kid with the white trash name. Whenever I hear someone say “Hold ‘im, Cody” to a guy with a pit bull, I am outta there . . . Read more →

I Get All the Holidays — And Then Some!


Here’s how I spent the MLK holiday: My son went over to a friend’s house and I stayed home and read a book. When the boy came home, we threw a football around for a while, and then I took Lightning to the dog park, where he fended off an inappropriate advance from a giant black pit bull. So all in all, a jam-packed day of doing nothing . . . A friend of mine tells me he doesn’t get a day off for the King holiday. In fact, he doesn’t get another paid holiday until Memorial Day! HA HA HA! I work for a company in the banking industry. If you work for a bank, you get all the holidays off! In fact, between now and Memorial Day, we get Lincoln’s Birthday, Washington’s Birthday, Groundhog Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Earth Day, Cinco de Mayo and spring break. Plus a… Read more →

Choosing the Right Breed


I saw this headline in the Orange County Register: Man fleeing burning Dana Point condo bitten by his dog My first thought was, “What kind of a dog turns on its owner in a crisis? It’s got to be a pit bull.” Sure enough . . . A pit bull spooked by the flames and smoke turned on his owner as the man tried to escape the flames with the dog in his arms. The man, who lived in the condo where the fire started, was badly bitten on both arms. The man left a trail of blood down the stairs. The dog was not hurt in the blaze. The dog wasn’t hurt, although an officer on the scene did offer to shoot the animal to keep the owner from being mangled any worse than he already was, an offer the owner declined. “Please don’t shoot my dog!” he pleaded.… Read more →