EppsNet Archive: Sex

See You in Hell

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Modesto police are investigating if there’s a criminal case against a former high school teacher who resigned his job to move into an apartment with an 18-year-old girl he met while teaching. James Hooker, 41, was placed on administrative leave Feb. 3 by Modesto City Schools and resigned less than three weeks later, according to a report at the Modesto Bee. The newspaper reports that the man, who had taught business and computer classes, left his wife and children, to move in with Jordan Powers, an Enochs High School senior whom he met when she was a freshman at the school. One of Hooker’s children also attends the same high school. “In making our choice, we’ve hurt a lot of people,” Hooker told the Bee. “We keep asking ourselves, ‘Do we make everyone else happy or… Read more →

Keeping Up With the Kennedys

 

Why doesn’t this guy have a reality show: The son of Robert F. Kennedy has been charged with harassment and endangering the welfare of a child for allegedly clashing with two nurses who tried to stop him from taking his 2-day-old baby boy from a Westchester maternity unit, NBC New York has learned. According to a Mount Kisco, N.Y. police report obtained by NBC New York, Douglas Kennedy, 44, took his baby from the newborn unit of Northern Westchester Hospital on Jan. 7, against the instructions of hospital staff who told him the infant needed to stay there. He faces misdemeanor charges. . . . While holding the child in his right arm, Kennedy kicked [a nurse] in the pelvis with his right foot, knocking her backward onto the floor, police said. As he did this, Kennedy fell onto the floor with the baby in his arms. Kennedy then got… Read more →

Elf Girls

 

I wonder what elf girls taste like? Peppermint? Gingerbread? Read more →

Who Pays for Dinner?

 

I’m listening to a couple of women talking about their new beaus and who should pay for the dinner dates in a budding relationship. Man pays? Take turns? 50/50? For what it’s worth, ladies, back when I was dating, I paid for the food, but depending on how the rest of the evening played out, I might have to say, “In that case, pay me back for the sandwiches.” Read more →

How to Make a Living as a Porn Actor

 

Marc Randazza, First Amendment lawyer who represents porn companies, said about porn: “Honestly, the gay side’s where all the money is. There might be 30 straight guys who can make a living at it, but if you’re willing to get f*cked in the ass, I can get you five grand right now.” — New York Magazine Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on Weinergate

 

Rep. Weiner of New York — one of the 13 original colonies — has been sending photos of his penis to women in Texas, Washington and other points west. When I was president, Texas and Washington weren’t even part of the country, and if I wanted to show a woman my dick, she had to be right there in the room with me.1 And still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress. Yes, I could have made a sketch and sent it through the mail but that could take weeks. Read more →

Advice for the College Bound

 

HER: My son is going to be going off to college soon. It’s a big step for him. I hope he’s ready to make good decisions. HIM: When my daughter left for college, I gave her these simple words of advice: “Don’t get photographed sucking a dick.” HER: That sounds like excellent advice for your daughter, but it wouldn’t be of any help to my son. HIM: That’s not what I’ve heard. Read more →

The Most Promiscuous Women

 

The most promiscuous women are those who have been punched, believe homosexuality is not wrong, and spend time in bars. The least promiscuous women are those who are patriotic and spend time in church. — Steven Landsburg Read more →

Twitter: 2010-11-04

 

RT @fakerahmemanuel: Got a text from @speakerpelosi. She said she hasn't been fucked from this many angles since her freshman yr at Trinity. # Read more →

Bad Dad’s College Advice

 

HIM: You look sad this morning. What’s the matter? HER: Oh, my son left for college yesterday, and I just really miss him. HIM: Let me share something with you. When my daughter went off to school, I gave her one very important piece of advice. HER: Really? What was that? HIM: Don’t get photographed sucking a dick. HER: Hmmm. That sounds like great advice for your daughter, but it wouldn’t have any value for my son. HIM: That’s not what I’ve heard. Read more →

Twitter: 2010-10-05

 

RT @BetteMidler: There is no big picture anymore. Just lots of little pictures of sex and violence and product placement. # RT @capricecrane: The thing about reality stars is they don’t get that we’re not laughing *with* them. # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-09-14

 

RT @NikkiGlaser: Is he some rapper I’ve never heard of? // RT @KimKardashian Jet lag is hitting me hard # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-09-08

 

Man sought for sex act in store | The Augusta Chronicle http://goo.gl/PJPD SEND YOUR RESUMES! # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-08-24

 

RT @Jesus_M_Christ: How do I know Adam and Eve were white? When’s the last time you seen a black man give up a rib? # RT @eddiepepitone: Tweets of Nietzche’s wife- God isn’t as dead as our sex life! # RT @pattonoswalt: In the future, everyone will be obscure for fifteen minutes. # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-08-04

 

RT @WhitneyCummings: Read that NyQuil lessens the effectiveness of birth control pills. The 2 pills I need to have sex don't work together?! # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-07-22

 

RT @joshcomers: Everyone who's better than me is overrated. # RT @serafinowicz: Recently divorced robot: 'Nervous about being single and having sex again. I'm a little rusty.' # Read more →

My Idea of a Good Time

 

Raising intelligent, loving, sturdy children! Protecting some good woman! Dignity! Health! Love! Industry! Intelligence! Trust! Decency! High Spirits! Compassion! What the hell do I care about sensational sex? — Philip Roth, Portnoy’s Complaint Read more →

Twitter: 2010-07-01

 

RT @capricecrane: MSNBC: "Up to 80 percent of women admit faking it." That is a good headline. So good. SOOO GOOOD. YES! # RT @eddiepepitone: Small town america is nice- a lot of obesity but everybody waves. # Read more →

The Star of the Phillipines

 

Via Steven Landsburg | The Big Questions: One year ago today, somewhere in the Phillipines, a reporter checked his web logs and wondered where all the new readers were coming from. Today we celebrate the first anniversary of one of the most unfortunately worded headlines in the history of journalism. Read more →

Ouch!

 

Cops: Porn actor kills 1, hurts 2 in L.A. — msnbc.com This guy must be incredibly well-built — wait, what? Read more →

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