From xkcd: Read more →
January 2009
Art and Technology
We have artists with no scientific knowledge and scientists with no artistic knowledge and both with no spiritual sense of gravity at all, and the result is not just bad, it is ghastly. The time for a real reunification of art and technology is really long overdue. — Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance Read more →
Ninja Cat
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My Son Gets a Haircut
That’s my son getting a haircut to start the new year. I told the stylist to make him look like the boy in the photo. He doesn’t know it yet. Shhhhhhh! Read more →
Danica’s Speeding Ticket
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Danica Patrick paid a $196 fine to settle a speeding ticket after the star racecar driver was caught going 54 mph in a 35-mph zone last month. — ESPN.com Was she in a hurry to obtain oral sex? Because that would be hot . . . Read more →
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
My son sees a book I’m reading lying on a table . . . “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance,” he says. “What kind of a title is that?” I say, “It’s hard to explain.” “Life,” he says in a mystical voice, “is like a motorcycle. You must maintain your motorcyle.” He makes a gong sound . . . I am in an enormous vault, dead, and they are paying their last respects. It’s kind of them to come and do this. They didn’t have to do this. I feel grateful. Now [my son] motions for me to open the glass door of the vault. I see he wants to talk to me. He wants me to tell him, perhaps, what death is like. I feel a desire to do this, to tell him. It was so good of him to come and wave I will tell him… Read more →
These Are My Kids
We’re getting snacks and sodas at AM/PM — me, my son and two of his friends. I know the girl at the register because I stop here for a soda most days on my way to work and she’s always here. “Hi,” I say to her. “These are my kids.” She looks at the kids, who are all the same age and look nothing like each other — a tall Wasian kid, a stocky Asian and an Indian boy. “Different moms,” I explain. Afterward, the group was evenly divided on whether or not she believed me . . . Read more →
One Mint Julep
After we struck out at Black Angus, we wound up at Lucille’s Smokehouse Bar-B-Que on my son’s recommendation. Not only does it turn out to be better than Black Angus, they’ve got — mint juleps! Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have an alcoholic beverage at a family lunch, but I love mint juleps and it’s rare to find a place that advertises their ability to make one. “What kind would you like?” the waiter asks. “There are kinds of mint juleps?” I ask. “We have seven different brands of bourbon.” “Oh. Let’s go with the Wild Turkey.” Ahhh, I’m in heaven . . . [audio:one-mint-julep] Read more →
The Lunch Coupon
We’re on our way to Black Angus for a family lunch. My wife is driving . . . she pulls a huge stack of coupons out of the glove compartment and hands them to our son in the back seat. “Find the Black Angus coupon in there,” she says. After a while, he says, “Why do we have ten 20% off coupons for Bed, Bath and Beyond?” “Your job is to find the Black Angus coupon,” she says, “not to criticize people.” I say, “If you combine all those coupons, they actually wind up paying you to take the merchandise out of the store.” A while later, he says, “I can’t find a Black Angus coupon.” I say, “Let me take a look.” He hands me the coupon stack, which I look through and find it. “Pwned,” I say. “Why couldn’t you find it?” “It looks just like the Bed,… Read more →
Owen 16
You can go to the NFL Shop and buy a custom Detroit Lions jersey like the one shown here for $99.99. Well, not exactly like the one shown here, which I Photoshopped, because the NFL anticipated the joke. If you try to order an Owen 16 jersey, you get this message: Your current entry cannot be processed. Some entries are prohibited due to guidelines for past and present player names. Please create a new entry. Read more →
A Box of Pears
We’re having an extended family holiday get-together today, including a gift exchange. My wife did the gift shopping. She’s passive-aggressive about it because she really believes that other family members, especially my mom, use the holidays to clean unwanted items out of their closets, wrap them up and give them to us as Christmas presents. I’ve explained to her that these people simply don’t have any style or taste, so even those these are items that you would stuff in the back of a closet, they actually see them as pretty nice gifts. Here’s a rundown on what she bought this year: My ex-sister-in-law is getting a box of Harry & David pears, normally $40 but obtained at a deep discount. My great uncle is getting a box of pears. My parents and my sister’s family — a box of pears. “And the best thing,” she says, “is it says… Read more →
Happy New Year
And now let us welcome the new year, full of things that have never been. — Rainer Maria Rilke Best wishes to everyone who’s taken the time to read this site over the past year. Read more →