My wife asks how my job is going . . . “I’m hittin’ home runs like Willie Mays!” I reply. “You know Willie Mays?” “No.” “I’m hittin’ home runs like Mark McGwire!” “I know Jackie Robinson.” “Jackie Robinson didn’t hit a lot of home runs.” Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
If I Am Out of My Mind …
… it’s okay with me. Read more →
EppsNet Book Club
Welcome to the EppsNet Book Club! Here’s what we’ve been reading lately . . . Gilead by Marilynne Robinson Gilead is the journal of an old man — a pastor in a small town in Iowa — writing to his young son, whom he intends to read it after his death. He doesn’t know how to get to the point, he complains about his health despite an absence of physical symptoms, he sees everything as a blessing . . . He has no strong convictions — I think this but other people think that and they may have a point. The one strong conviction that he does have, he recants by the end of the book. It’s not a bad book but since the author, Marilynne Robinson, was awarded a Pulitzer Prize for it, I feel like I have to say that it’s not a very good book either. Imagine… Read more →
Poetry Madness
Powell’s Books has a Poetry Madness bracket online to determine the Best Poet of All Time. Unfortunately, along with some really obvious omissions, they don’t understand the concept of seeding, so while minor poets face off in a number of first round matchups, there are inexplicable heavyweight pairings like T.S. Eliot vs. Emily Dickinson . . . Read more →
Give a man a mask, and he will tell you the truth. — Oscar Wilde
Celebrity Photos
We went to a comedy show at the Irvine Improv on Friday night. Gilbert Gottfried was the headliner. I happened to recognize one of the comedians, David Angelo, sitting in the back of the room before the show — I’m a fan of his work on Twitter and YouTube — and he was gracious enough to pose for a photo taken by my wife: Now you might say that’s not a very good photo, but it is recognizable as two human beings, which is more than you could say before I spent an hour working it over in Photoshop . . . Read more →
Willpower
I bought this book on willpower but I haven’t been able to make myself read it . . . Read more →
Manager
I’ve noticed a new trend in spam is to put the word “Manager” in front of the sender’s name, e.g., Manager Joe Schmuck instead of just plain Joe Schmuck. Are people really this stupid? Does anyone think to themselves, “I don’t know any Joe Schmuck, but if he’s come up through the ranks to the level of Manager, then I think I owe it to myself to see what he has to say”? Read more →
Thanks Anyway
A guy in front of me trying to pull out of a driveway and on to the street gives me a hand signal like “Go ahead, I’ll pull out behind you.” I give him a friendly wave of acknowledgement, even though I had no intention of letting him out anyway . . . Read more →
Ocean’s Trilogy
My wife and I rented Ocean’s Eleven and enjoyed it, so we rented Ocean’s Twelve and enjoyed that too. After we watch Ocean’s Thirteen, we’re planning to rob a bank. Read more →
Intellectual Giftedness is Not Necessarily Hereditary
I get an email from the UCI-Gifted-Students mailing list. Shortly thereafter, a parent clicks Reply All to send out this response: Please remove my name from your mailing list. Wait, there’s more. A second parent then responds to the first parent, also via Reply All: I’m one of receipents [sic] of the UCI-Gifted-Students emails, therefore not responsible and able to remove you. I wish I knew who to direct you to. Good luck. Read more →
Overheard at NASA
“This is not rocket science . . . wait, yes it is!” Read more →
Overheard at the Walmart Jewelry Counter
An elderly gentleman is talking with the store manager . . . “Melissa,” he says, referring to the woman working the jewelry counter, “was so friendly and helpful to me. Any jewelry store would be happy to have her — even Zales.” Read more →
Our Children Can Drink Water From Broken Bowls
We must make do with today’s Happenings, and stoop and somehow glue together The silly little shards of our lives, so that Our children can drink water from broken bowls, Not from cupped hands — Nuala Ní Dhomhnaill, “Aubade” Read more →
Socrates’ Apology
When my sons are grown up, I would ask you, O my friends, to punish them; and I would have you trouble them, as I have troubled you, if they seem to care about riches, or anything, more than about virtue; or if they pretend to be something when they are really nothing . . . And if you do this, I and my sons will have received justice at your hands. The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our ways — I to die, and you to live. Which is better God only knows. — Apology Read more →
Aside
Ron Jeffries: Estimation is Evil
The Epps Ratio
There should be some way to measure a person’s need to be heard against the value of what they have to say. This measure should be calculated automatically and be available online, like a Klout score. If anyone figures out a way to do this, please call it the Epps Ratio, because it was my idea. Value should be the numerator, so an Epps Ratio greater than or equal to 1.0 would be considered good, and obviously the higher the better. There should be an API so a person’s Epps Ratio can be accessed and displayed along with any online content they create . . . Read more →
EppsNet Book Reviews: The Black Echo by Michael Connelly
“Did you ever hear what J. Edgar Hoover said about justice?” she asked. “He probably said a lot, but I don’t recall any of it offhand.” “He said that justice is incidental to law and order.” — Michael Connelly, The Black Echo I love detective fiction — especially L.A. detective fiction — but like every other kind of niche fiction, it’s almost all rubbish. The Black Echo is an exception to the rule. I have just a couple of things to take exception to: Detectives should NEVER have a love interest. They should always be loners (cf. Sherlock Holmes, Philip Marlowe). [SPOILER ALERT] It is absolutely impossible that Rourke wouldn’t know who Eleanor Wish is. He works for the FBI. The Federal Bureau of INVESTIGATION. He’s an INVESTIGATOR. And he knows nothing about this woman? Not even her maiden name? P.S. Don’t tell me about Linda Loring in the last two… Read more →
Engineering Humor
An engineer walks into a bar and orders 1.0E20 root beers. Bartender: “That’s a root beer float.” Engineer: “Make it a double.” [HT: Scott Hanselman] Read more →
Two Kinds of People
There are two kinds of people in the world: People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to give a thoughtful response that helps the situation. People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to do or say something that makes the situation worse. Read more →