Author Archive: Paul Epps
Ass Kissers, Flag Wavers and Team Players
I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, “Maybe not. But there is an ‘I’ in independence, individuality and integrity.” Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, “We’re the So-and-Sos,” take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it’s unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don’t participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you’re not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. — George Carlin Read more →
Presidential Endorsements
Ross Perot endorses Mitt Romney. Honey Boo Boo endorses Obama. Read more →
Following the Debate on Twitter
Typical Romney supporter: “Five million jobs doesn’t even keep up woth [sic] our population growth.”–Romney. Obama’s solution: free contraceptives! #2012 Typical Obama supporter: IF ROMNEY GETS ELECTED AND TAKES AWAY MY FOOD STAMPS IMA SEND SOMEONE TO MURDER HIS ASS Read more →
The Chevron Guy
My boy and I are buying sodas at the Chevron station . . . I notice they’ve got the place plastered with breast cancer donation stickers . . . donate a buck to breast cancer research and you can put your name on a 3×5 sticker with a pink car and a Chevron logo and they’ll stick it up on the wall. I object to that. Let Chevron donate their own damn money instead of shaking down the customers. “Would you like to donate a dollar to breast cancer research?” the attendant asks. “No,” I reply. “Shouldn’t Chevron make their own donations? They’ve got more money than I do.” It takes the guy a few moments to pick up on my theme, but as we’re wrapping up the transaction, he grabs the ball and runs with it. “Yeah,” he says, “and the price of gas keeps going up.” “It does,… Read more →
IT Recruiters
I’ve worked with some great IT recruiters but they’re the exception, not the rule. I spent a lot of time on LinkedIn recently as part of a job search, and it doesn’t make you feel good about IT as a serious profession when you see how many IT recruiters are former waitresses, bartenders, shoe salesmen . . . honorable professions, but not likely to give a person a good understanding of technology and the people who work with it. Here’s a sample phone conversation I had with a recruiter: “First question,” the recruiter says. “Do you have any experience with software development? Because that’s key for this position.” “Uh, that’s all I’ve done for 25 years. Are you looking at my résumé?” “Yes, but I don’t see anything about software development.” “Are you sure it’s my résumé?” “Yeah . . . I don’t see anything that specifically says software development.”… Read more →
Time to Worry?
A colleague says, “Are you talkin’ to ME?” Oh, and he showed up at work this morning with a shaved head. Read more →
Jerry Kill, (Minnesota) Gopher
We’re watching SportsCenter when a picture of Jerry Kill, coach of the Minnesota Golden Gophers football team, comes on the screen, accompanied by the unfortunate news that Kill suffered a seizure following the team’s 21-13 loss to Northwestern. “He’s still alive?” my son asks. “He didn’t die?” “He had a seizure,” I say. “So he’s still alive, right?” “Yeah.” “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and say that he looks like a gopher.” Read more →
Pug Walker
Aside
Joshua Kerievsky: Stop Using Story Points
Lodi
We stopped for gas in Lodi a couple of days ago on the way back from Berkeley and I can’t get the damn song out of my head . . . If I only had a dollar for every song I’ve sung For every tiiiime I had to plaaaay while people sat there drunk . . . Read more →
Card Stunts
We’re in Berkeley for Parents Weekend, watching Cal and UCLA battle it out on the gridiron. One of the halftime highlights at Cal football games is card stunts. I know, welcome to the 1920s, right? Everyone held up their cards, which were either blue or gold. The cards on the opposite side of the stadium from us spelled out “Memorial Stadium” but we couldn’t see what our own cards spelled. “I hope they say ‘UCLA Sucks,’” I said to my wife standing next to me, but unfortunately loud enough for a nearby husband-and-wife team of Bruin fans to hear me. “Did you really just say that?” the woman asked. “We’re helping.” Meaning that they were holding up their cards to support the card stunt and didn’t deserve to be insulted. When you venture into enemy territory, you have to expect some derision. Read more →
Cal 43, UCLA 17
We’re up here in Berkeley for Parents Weekend. I was saying since we arrived that this looks like a winnable game for Cal and couldn’t find one person — student or parent — to agree with me. Cal was 1-4, UCLA was 4-1. Cal fans are conditioned for disappointment. I’m a USC guy and USC fans were the same way in the pre-Pete Carroll era. Fans showed up for games not to cheer on the team but to bemoan another disappointing performance. This is a nice wakeup call for the Bruins. Despite their record and ranking coming into the game, they’re not very good. Read more →
The Real Obama
What we saw last night was the real Obama–a bright but incurious and inexperienced man who four years ago was promoted well beyond his level of competency. The Obama that guys like [Chris] Matthews and [Andrew] Sullivan expected instead was a character in a fairy tale–a fairy tale written by guys like Matthews and Sullivan. — James Taranto Read more →
Western Motel in Pink
Have a Nice Day
. . . and the dance ends, the joke is forgotten; and strength vanishes, and youth is past. — Kierkegaard Read more →
Overheard
Self-Reliance: Another Idea That Never Caught On
One of the TVs at the gym this morning was tuned to a political panel discussion . . . someone named Roland Martin, a black man with an enormous forehead, said that voters are asking themselves which candidate will help them have a better life. Yes — that’s the 47 Percent. Someone once said, “Ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.” It’s a shame that never caught on. Read more →
Never be afraid to tell the world who you are. — Anonymous