Author Archive: Paul Epps
How Are Things Going?
You go up to a man, and you say, “How are things going, Joe?” and he says, “Oh fine, fine — couldn’t be better.” And you look into his eyes, and you see things really couldn’t be much worse. When you get right down to it, everybody’s having a perfectly lousy time of it, and I mean everybody. And the hell of it is, nothing seems to help much. — Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan Read more →
In Praise of the Fighters
Those who are weak don’t fight. Those who are stronger might fight for an hour. Those who are stronger still might fight for many years. The strongest fight their whole life. They are the indispensable ones. — Bertolt Brecht Read more →
Craftsmanship over Crap. — Uncle Bob
Who Pays for Dinner?
I’m listening to a couple of women talking about their new beaus and who should pay for the dinner dates in a budding relationship. Man pays? Take turns? 50/50? For what it’s worth, ladies, back when I was dating, I paid for the food, but depending on how the rest of the evening played out, I might have to say, “In that case, pay me back for the sandwiches.” Read more →
Catchiest Song Ever?
“Sunny Side of the Street,” right? I’ve had it in my head for three hours and now I need to be lobotomized . . . Read more →
INVEST in Good Stories
What are the characteristics of a good user story? Bill Wake developed the INVEST acronym: I – Independent N – Negotiable V – Valuable E – Estimable S – Small T – Testable For a short description of each attribute, see Wake’s excellent article. Read more →
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Why are dead people always described as “looking down and smiling”? Surely some of them must be looking up and screaming.
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Anyone who uses the word “surface” to mean “put forward for consideration,” e.g., “I’d like to surface a topic.” If you must use “surface” as a verb, I’m okay with you surfacing a driveway or surfacing a submarine, but if you’re going around surfacing topics, then you really need to leave the world immediately . . . Read more →
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Drew Magary: “I do what I fucking want, which should be the first and last stupid retarded ‘man law’ ever.”
Diversity Bake Sale Sparks Controversy
Despite massive outcries of protest from campus organizations, the Berkeley College Republicans are adamant in going ahead with their controversial bake sale. The sale — intended as a satirical response to the affirmative action-like SB 185 currently awaiting Gov. Jerry Brown’s signature — will involve baked goods that are priced by race and sex. Under the pricing structure, white students would have to pay $2.00 for a pastry, for example, while Latinos would pay $1.00 and Native Americans would pay $0.25. Women would receive a blanket 25 cent discount. — The Daily Californian I love it! “Massive outcries of protest”! “Controversial bake sale”! The lack of perspective is staggering. It’s okay to favor kids of one race over another in college admissions, just don’t try it with something truly important like the price of a cupcake . . . Read more →
The Father of the Year Competition is Heating Up
NEWPORT BEACH A man accused of becoming angered at his 7-year-old son and tossing him off a boat during a harbor cruise pleaded not guilty Monday to felony child endangerment. Sloane Steven Briles, 35, of Irvine, is accused of being under the influence of alcohol and poking his son in the chest and repeatedly slapping him in the face before tossing him about 10 feet off the boat and into the path of oncoming boat traffic. Prosecutors say he made no attempt to save his son and jumped off the boat only to avoid angry passengers on the Queen. A boat had to maneuver to avoid striking the boy, who treaded water before a captain on another boat tossed him a life ring, according to prosecutors. In interviews with television reporters following his arrest, Briles said he and his son were just playing around and that they both decided to… Read more →
A Labyrinth of Illusion and Doubt
Indeed, you will see that the whole history of the spirit of religion is only the history of the errors of the human mind, which, placed in a world that it does not comprehend, endeavors nevertheless to solve the enigma; and which, beholding with astonishment this mysterious and visible prodigy, imagines causes, supposes reasons, builds systems; then, finding one defective, destroys it for another not less so; hates the error that it abandons, misconceives the one that it embraces, rejects the truth that it is seeking, composes chimeras of discordant beings; and thus, while always dreaming of wisdom and happiness, wanders blindly in a labyrinth of illusion and doubt. — C.F. Volney, The Ruins, or, Meditation on the Revolutions of Empires and the Law of Nature Read more →
The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Overheard
Monkeys on Typewriters
If one puts an infinite number of monkeys in front of (strongly built) typewriters, and lets them clap away, there is a certainty that one of them would come out with an exact version of the Iliad. Upon examination, this may be less interesting a concept than it appears at first: Such probability is ridiculously low. But let us carry the reasoning one step beyond. Now that we have found that hero among monkeys, would any reader invest his life’s savings on a bet that the monkey would write the Odyssey next? — Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Fooled by Randomness Read more →
Donald Bren Can Kiss My Ass
Look at this picture. Donald Bren is almost 80 and yet his face looks like a snare drum with eyes. Forbes has an interview with Bren — the billionaire chairman of the Irvine Company — on how to fix up K-12 education: When state funding for Irvine public schools began to diminish some time ago, my Irvine Company colleagues helped me to provide private funding support . . . Additionally, we have developed annual teacher recognition and reward programs that provide financial awards for teachers who demonstrate outstanding results in educating our students. By making capital available for unfunded programs and providing a balanced curriculum and financial incentives to teachers based on results, Irvine Unified School District continues to rank among the finest educational systems in the nation . . . The interview goes on in this vein: I, I, I. Me, me, me. Donald Bren is kidding himself, along with… Read more →
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Craig Jones: Simplicity Appreciation 101