Author Archive: Paul Epps

Pizza and Pessimism

by  on 
 

“There’s a slice of pizza missing,” my son announces. When I got home from work, there were two slices left over from last night. I ate one and left one for him. “I calibrated my appetite for two slices,” he says. “The pessimist,” I say, “sees that there’s one slice missing. The optimist sees that there’s one slice left.” Read more →

Lasts

by  on 
 

Last day of high school. Can’t believe it’s all over. No more “what’s due tomorrow?” The boy has a clock radio but he never sets it because he likes to sleep with the radio on. Yes, we probably should have made him get an alarm clock to encourage responsibility and self-reliance, but we didn’t. His mom and I have been waking him up for school for 13 years and this morning was the last time we’ll do that. Read more →

Shooting Hoops

by  on 
 

I was thinking about my overall dad performance over the last 18 years. Did I do enough activities with the boy? My memory is playing tricks on me. I did do a lot of activities with him when he was younger, but as he got older, he did more things on his own and with his friends. MY GOD, WHAT IF I DIDN’T DO ENOUGH ACTIVITIES WITH HIM? “Hey, you wanna shoot some hoops?” I ask. “Okay,” he says. Read more →

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

Where Are You?

by  on 
 

My wife wanted to send a text message — “Where are you?” — to our kid but sent it to one of his friends by mistake. The friend texted back, “Where am I supposed to be?” Read more →

Good Lesson for Mac Snobs

by  on 
 

Just hours after Apple issued a security update to protect Mac users against a rash of scareware attacks, a new variant began circulating that completely bypasses the malware-blocking measure. — “Mac trojan evades Apple’s brand new security fix,” The Register It’s no harder to write malware for Macs than PCs but it’s no easier either. Given the commensurate level of effort, most malware authors elect to target the platform that most people use. Good lesson for Mac snobs and everyone else who thinks Macs are inherently more secure than PCs. Read more →

Education Dollars at Work

by  on 
 

My son, a high school senior, says, “Guess what I’m doing in school tomorrow?” I venture a guess: “Learning things.” “No. It’s actually a trick question. I’ve got a free period, then another free period, then a movie.” “I hope I’m getting a tax refund for this nonsense.” Read more →

Dog Problems

by  on 
 

I got an email today from a confused person who says that “any dog of any breed can have bad temperament, poor training and poor socialization, and can therefore be a problem.” Fair enough, but there are “problems” and then there are problems, and if you don’t account for the size and strength of the breed, you’ve got a pretty silly argument on your hands. In our neighborhood, we have an angry Chihuahua with a crazy owner. The owner is crazy and the dog is crazy. We see them sometimes when I’m out walking Lightning. The dog yaps and yaps and strains at the leash and Lightning just looks at him like, “You’ve got to be kidding.” A poorly socialized Chihuahua doesn’t create the kind of problem that anyone really cares about. On the other hand, there’s another aggressive dog — a pit bull mix, much bigger than a Chihuahua.… Read more →

Boring

by  on 
 

Of course, what I think is boring must not be the same as what other people think is, since I could never stand to watch all the most popular action shows on TV, because they’re essentially the same plots and the same shots and the same cuts over and over again. Apparently, most people love watching the same basic thing, as long as the details are different. — Andy Warhol Read more →

Prom Night

by  on 
 

The Irvine high schools — Northwood and University — have prom tonight. Our boy goes to Northwood but he’s attending the Uni prom with a girl from that fine institution. I met her. She seems nice. She’s going to Stanford in the fall. Our boy is going to Cal. Opposites attract. Today is also the girl’s birthday, so the boy is paying for dinner. “Did you see a birth certificate or a drivers license verifying that today is really her birthday?” I ask him. “Not to suggest that women are looking to take advantage of a man if he lets his guard down, but did you see the birth certificate or drivers license?” Woodbridge and Irvine High — the weak links in the Irvine chain of education — may have prom tonight too, I don’t know. Nobody cares about those schools. Read more →

Do That Which is Assigned You

by  on 
 

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. — Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance Read more →

“Birthdays are just a consumerist plot perpetuated by Big Cake.” — Shelby Fero

Lasts

by  on 
 

My kid played his last high school concert last night. The last piece was a mambo number that showcased the percussion section. People got a chance to see their musicianship, that they’re not just kids who hit things because they can’t play a real instrument. There were four Northwood groups performing, followed by an orchestra from Mt. SAC. It was a long program and we decided to leave after the last high school group. In the parking lot, a bus driver standing next to his vehicle asked us in an Eastern European accent, “Is the concert over?” “No,” I said. “There’s one more group.” “The college!” he said. “Right.” “I brought them!” he said proudly. “You not going to listen to them? They good!” He was almost beside himself with disbelief. “Yeah, no,” I said, “but thanks for making us feel bad about ourselves.” Read more →

« Previous Page — Next Page »