Author Archive: Paul Epps

Etiquette Tip of the Day

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It’s considered poor form to borrow someone’s car and then bring it back with an empty gas tank, even if you’re members of the same family. It’s like borrowing a pen and giving it back with no ink . . . Read more →

Why We Need a Big-Screen TV

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“This TV cuts off the bottom of the scrolling bar,” my son says as we’re watching a football game. “I can’t tell if it says SCORE ALERT or SCORF ALERT. I assume it says SCORE ALERT but I don’t really know.” “That’s a really good point,” I say. “And I don’t care about scorfs. I only care about scores.” Read more →

Not in My Backyard

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James Taranto on press coverage of President Obama’s Backyard chats: What’s most telling about these encounters is the absence of fear on the part of the citizens challenging Obama. In October 2008, in his own Ohio neighborhood, “Joe the Plumber” confronted the future president and objected to his tax-hike plans. Obama revealingly replied that he was eager to “spread the wealth around,” and the media pounced–on Joe. He’s not really a plumber! Joe is his middle name! Who knows how history might have been changed if the media had been as aggressive in investigating Obama’s background? But now, it seems, the lesson of Joe the Plumber has been lost. Citizens feel free to criticize Obama with impunity. The reporters who wrote these stories don’t even mention the names of the critics, much less conduct opposition research against them on Obama’s behalf. Read more →

First They Came . . .

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I can make a firm pledge. Under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes. — Barack Obama, Sept. 12, 2008 There must be some mistake then because I just got an email from our accounting department stating that effective January 1, 2011, over-the-counter drugs will require a doctor’s prescription when an FSA claim for reimbursement is submitted. That doesn’t even make sense. Of course I don’t have a prescription for OTC drugs. Why would I pay a doctor to write me a prescription for something that I can just walk into Walgreen’s and buy it? Hi Doc, I’ve got a terrible cold so I just stopped by to drop a $30 co-pay and get a prescription for some Nyquil. And if I… Read more →

Crime and Showbiz

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I do think that crime and show business have never been more closely aligned. I don’t know if there has ever been a time where criminal arrests are worth as much in terms of $$ as going on a publicity tour or being in a movie. — Merrill Markoe Read more →

History Lesson

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A little explanation is in order here: In the olden days, when computers were less powerful than they are now, people used to read newspaper websites in the form of massive printouts. On Sundays, the newspaper website printouts (which were sometimes called “newspapers” for short) would come wrapped in a “comics section,” which contained still-life color cartoons that told a “story” in a series of panels or “drawings.” — James Taranto Read more →

All of Them?

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Bill Clinton: “Do you know how many political and economic decisions are made in this world by people who dont know what in the living daylights they are talking about?” Read more →

God in America

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Americans are by all measures a deeply religious people, but they are also deeply ignorant about religion. — Atheists Outdo Some Believers in Survey on Religion – NYTimes.com The article describes a study in which researchers phoned up 3,400 Americans and asked them 32 questions about religion. On average, respondents got half the questions wrong. Breaking down the results by faith (or lack thereof), the highest scores were registered by atheists and agnostics, closely followed by Jews and Mormons. Some of the knowledge gaps are amazing: Fifty-three percent of Protestants could not identify Martin Luther as the man who started the Protestant Reformation. Forty-five percent of Catholics did not know that their church teaches that the consecrated bread and wine in holy communion are not merely symbols, but actually become the body and blood of Christ. As Nietzsche used to say: If you want happiness and peace of mind, believe.… Read more →

EppsNet at the Movies: Wait Until Dark

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“Did you know they wanted to kill me? I did. I knew even before they did. They were awful amateurs, and that’s why you saw through them.” “I saw through you too. ” “No, not all the way, Suzy. Even now, not all the way. The lovely thing was the way I let them set it all up. All that silliness of meeting in the parking lot, the whole thing, they had comic book minds. So, I let them do it their way, right up to the very end. And then, topsy-turvy. Me topsy and them turvy.” Haha . . . what a fun movie! Read more →

I’m Worried About My Boy

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He’s killing himself with schoolwork and college applications. He doesn’t sleep anymore, just keeps himself going with 5-hour energy drinks. All of the college apps are due by Nov. 1 so if he makes it that far maybe he’ll be okay . . . Read more →

3 Rules of Politics

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When you control Congress but not the White House, blame the White House. When you control the White House but not Congress, blame Congress. When you control the White House and Congress, blame your predecessor. Read more →

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