Author Archive: Paul Epps

I Love This Joke

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A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and THROWS it as far as he can. Three years later — the same guy hears a knock at the door. He opens it and the snail says, “What was that all about?” I love this joke because, if you’re like me, you identify with the snail’s perseverance in the face of inexplicable setbacks . . . Read more →

Out of the Turmoil

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Which, I wonder, brother reader, is the better lot, to die prosperous and famous, or poor and disappointed? To have, and to be forced to yield; or to sink out of life, having played and lost the game? That must be a strange feeling, when a day of our life comes and we say, “To-morrow, success or failure won’t matter much, and the sun will rise, and all the myriads of mankind go to their work or their pleasure as usual, but I shall be out of the turmoil.” — William Makepeace Thackeray, Vanity Fair Read more →

The Consequences of Obama

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Under Obama, the hunters have become the hunted as America inverted her priorities. Those who have been working to keep us safe have, themselves, come under scrutiny for profiling, harsh interrogation techniques, and a failure to give terrorists constitutional rights they don’t have. . . . Now Nigerian terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutall sits, lawyered up, in a federal prison. His interrogation will proceed, if at all, under the watchful eye of his counsel. He will not finger other operatives nor warn us of other impending attacks. He will receive the full panoply of constitutional rights, none of which he is entitled to. . . . Abdulmutall should be interrogated by the military, without benefit of counsel. The evidence we obtain should not be admissible in a court of law nor used as the basis for his sentencing. But it must be used to ward off future threats and attacks. —… Read more →

Has Anyone Seen Harry’s Book?

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Reporting from Searchlight, Nev. – A commotion unfolds in the tiny public library here as the staff searches for a copy of the memoir written by Harry Reid, Senate Democratic leader and Searchlight native. “Has anyone seen Harry’s book?” a librarian calls out. A local patron grabs a trash can and peers inside: “It’s not where it’s supposed to be,” he says. In his hometown at least, there seems to be little affection for Reid, whom some residents describe as a distant figure out of touch with local concerns. — Swing states may be on the move – latimes.com Read more →

Alumni News

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NEW YORK (AP) — From the first practice in training camp until the last game, Brian Cushing was a tackling machine for the Houston Texans. That’s exactly what the team sought when it chose the linebacker from Southern Cal 15th overall in the draft last April. What the Texans also got is The Associated Press 2009 NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year. Cushing was a runaway winner in balloting by a nationwide panel of 50 sports writers and broadcasters who cover the league. Cushing received 39 votes Tuesday, easily beating Buffalo safety Jairus Byrd, who had six, and became the second Texans linebacker in four seasons to win the award. DeMeco Ryans took it in 2006. — Texans LB Cushing named top rookie – NFL News – FOX Sports on MSN Read more →

People and Their Silly Principles

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If every person is to be banished from society who runs into debt and cannot pay–if we are to be peering into everybody’s private life, speculating upon their income, and cutting them if we don’t approve of their expenditure–why, what a howling wilderness and intolerable dwelling Vanity Fair would be! Every man’s hand would be against his neighbour in this case, my dear sir, and the benefits of civilization would be done away with. We should be quarrelling, abusing, avoiding one another. Our houses would become caverns, and we should go in rags because we cared for nobody. Rents would go down. Parties wouldn’t be given any more. All the tradesmen of the town would be bankrupt. Wine, wax-lights, comestibles, rouge, crinoline-petticoats, diamonds, wigs, Louis-Quatorze gimcracks, and old china, park hacks, and splendid high-stepping carriage horses–all the delights of life, I say,–would go to the deuce, if people did but… Read more →

Heiress Casey Johnson Dead at 30

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Heiress Casey Johnson dead at 30 — Los Angeles Times I myself have an heir named Casey, the main differences being that he’s a boy and he’s still alive. This is definitely another blow to the idea that being fabulously well-to-do is a guarantee of any sort of happiness in life . . . Read more →

Twitter: 2009-12-31

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RT @OCWeekly: OC Sheriff To Morons: Don't Fire Guns To Celebrate New Year – http://bit.ly/5SOwld # RT @capricecrane: I had that dream again where I was in school giving a report in class, naked. We really should've reported that teacher. # RT @KathySierra: Puppy pics enjoy a lifetime exemption from any and all so-called "rules" about stock photos and cliches. # Read more →

A Basic Fact of Team Sports

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Revision Devil Dogs, my kid’s roller hockey team, won the AAU West Coast Winternationals 16U AA championship yesterday. The Top Scorer award went to a boy from the second-place team who had 11 goals and one assist in the four round-robin games. Eleven goals and one assist?! Pass the puck, Gretzky! A basic fact of team sports is that a concern with individual stats interferes with winning. Read more →

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