An ad comes on the radio for a lawyer offering to sue the Boy Scouts on behalf of anyone molested by a scout leader . . . “I was in the scouts. I wasn’t molested though. Or maybe I was molested so traumatically that I’ve blocked it out of my mind. What was that guy’s number again?” “What are you talking about?” “I like to ‘Be Prepared’ for financial opportunities.” Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
Weekend at Biden’s
I have a sense that Joe Biden is already dead and the Dems are trying to pull off a Weekend at Bernie’s scenario . . . just keep moving him around from place to place and propping him up . . . Read more →
Why Are You Crying So Sadly?
One late autumn night, the disciple awoke crying. So the master asked the disciple, “Did you have a nightmare?” “No.” “Did you have a sad dream?” “No,” said the disciple. “I had a sweet dream.” “Then why are you crying so sadly?” The disciple wiped his tears away and quietly answered, “Because the dream I had can’t come true.” Read more →
I Am in the Herd, and a Coward
And he who is not sufficiently courageous even to defend his soul — don’t let him be proud of his ‘progressive’ views, don’t let him boast that he is an academician or a people’s artist, merited figure, or a general — let him say to himself: I am in the herd, and a coward. It’s all the same to me as long as I’m fed and warm. — Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago Read more →
Closer to Fine
And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains There’s more than one answer to these questions Pointing me in a crooked line And the less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine — Indigo Girls, “Closer to fine” Read more →
Dilbert: Reasonable Assumptions
Biden Is Not Available
Fox’s Chris Wallace: "In our interview last week with President Trump, he questioned whether his opponent Joe Biden could handle a similar encounter. Well, we asked the Biden campaign for an interview and they said the former VP was not available. We'll keep asking every week.” pic.twitter.com/5BIbp6dQ02 — TV News HQ (@TVNewsHQ) July 26, 2020 Read more →
Four Existential Questions
Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Can it kill me? Can I buy it at a discount? Read more →
Playlists for Pandemics
Come take a walk on the wild side Come kiss me hard in the pouring rain You like your girls insane So, choose your last words, this is the last time ‘Cause you and I, we were born to die — Lana Del Rey, “Born to Die” Read more →
What Young People Did Not Know
What young people did not know. They did not know that lumpy, aged, and wrinkled bodies were as needy as their own young, firm ones, that love was not to be tossed away carelessly, as if it were a tart on a platter. — Elizabeth Strout, Olive Kitteridge Read more →
Playlists for Pandemics
But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell I know right now you can’t tell But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see A different side of me I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired I know right now you don’t care But soon enough you’re gonna think of me And how I used to be — Matchbox Twenty, “Unwell” Read more →
On This Date: Settling Clergy Sex-Abuse Cases
On this date, July 15, in 2007, the Roman Catholic archdiocese of Los Angeles announced it was settling clergy sex-abuse cases for $660 million. Some people, including some in my own family, will tell you that America started going down the drain when we took God out of schools, whatever that means. Call me a skeptic but we haven’t taken God out of churches and yet we still have $660 million worth of child rape. In one archdiocese! Pass the collection plate, Padre! Read more →
Purpose in the Workplace
There was a Harris Poll survey years ago that asked employees how connected they were to the purpose and core values of their company. 37 percent of these US workforce employees clearly knew their company’s purpose. 20 percent were enthusiastic about the purpose of the company. 20 percent could see how they as an employee could support the purpose of the company. 15 percent felt enabled to work toward the purpose 20 percent fully trusted the company that employed them. Is that a good set of statistics or not? It’s not unexpected when you look at the US workforce right now. What if that were a football team? So what if you’re the quarterback on this football team and on this football team, on the offensive side, there are 11 players and you find among all 11 players that only four of them know which goal they’re going to. That… Read more →
TMB: Sound Up on Tusk
A New Purpose in Life
I’m taking an online course on Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life . . . when my son was growing up, I felt like my purpose in life was to be a good father and to take care of my family. After the boy grew up and moved out on his own, I struggled for many years to find a reason for being alive anymore. I thought maybe raising the boy was my destiny and I had fulfilled it. Now I’m happy to say that with a lot of guidance, I’ve figured out my new purpose in life, a new way to help and serve people: taking out the trash. Read more →
My Boyhood Sports Icons Are Dying: Jim Kiick
Jim Kiick was a running back, primarily with the Miami Dolphins, from 1968 to 1977. He played in three Super Bowls, winning two, and scored the decisive touchdown in Super Bowl VII, a 14-7 victory over the Washington Redskins that capped off an undefeated 17-0 swason. He is the Dolphins’ fourth all-time leading rusher. Kiick had been suffering from dementia and living in an assisted care center for several years prior to his death. RIP Jim Kiick Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Mario Andretti, auto racer Leslie Caron, actress Mitzi Gaynor, actress/singer/dancer Marla Gibbs, actress Bobby Goldsboro, singer Mikhail Gorbachev, General Secretary of the USSR Howard Hesseman, actor Sally Kellerman, actress Peter Lupus, actor Gavin MacLeod, actor Robert MacNeil, TV journalist Jackie Mason, comedian Lee Meriweather, actress, former Miss America George Mitchell, U.S. Senator Jaye P. Morgan, singer/game show panelist Bill Moyers, journalist Charley Pride, singer Dean Stockwell, actor Fred Williamson, athlete/actor Updates Mitzi Gaynor, died 10/17/2024, age 93 Mikhail Gorbachev, died 8/30/2022, age 91 Howard Hesseman, died 1/29/2022, age 81 Sally Kellerman, died 2/24/2022, age 84 Gavin MacLeod, died 5/29/2021, age 90 Jackie Mason, died 7/24/2021, age 93 Charley Pride, died 12/12/2020, age 86 Robert MacNeil, died 4/12/2024, age 93 Dean Stockwell, died 11/7/2021, age 85 Read more →
We Need a Better Coronavirus Metric
The U.S. reports a record day of cases: 36,880 new coronavirus cases were reported on Wednesday, which is the largest one-day total since the start of the pandemic. Florida, Oklahoma, South Carolina and Texas reported their highest single-day totals. — Medium This is misleading, isn’t it? We’re doing more testing. It’s a lot easier to get tested than it used to be. You don’t need to have symptoms. You don’t need a doctor’s order. Pharmacies are now doing drive-thru testing. The CVS in my neighborhood takes testing appointments at 10-minute intervals from 9am to 5pm. And they’re not easy to get. People are booking them up. I just got my test yesterday (results next week). It sounds like from that 36,880 number that more people are being infected. It sounds like that is what’s being implied. But there’s really no way to know that from the data provided. Obviously if… Read more →
We Giveth But We Also Taketh Away, Just Like God
“As driving behaviors evolve during the COVID-19 pandemic, XYZ Insurance Company is working to reduce auto rates in every state. The national average for those rate reductions is 11%, saving customers a total of approximately $2.2 billion. “‘Current driving data and claims experience show a considerable decline in miles driven and fewer accidents,’ said XYZ Senior Vice President Kristyn Cook-Turner. ‘As a result, we’re looking for ways to continue supporting our customers while we monitor and adjust to trends.’ “‘On the flip side, we’ve also noticed that a lot more of our customers are getting sick and dying,’ Cook-Turner continued, ‘so we’ll be correspondingly increasing premiums for health and life insurance.’ “‘You win a few, you lose a few.’” Read more →
You’re Not Gonna Like the Way You Look
I went for what I thought would be a quick stop at Men’s Wearhouse to buy a tie. The salesman informed me that they were selling ties on a “buy one, get one free” basis. The selection wasn’t very good in my opinion. I picked out one tie I liked and spent another 30 minutes trying to find a second tie that I wouldn’t feel bad being seen in. Several times I was on the verge of checking out with just the one tie but it just didn’t feel right to pass up a free tie. Read more →