CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton said Sunday that he plans to take his grievance with no-calls on late hits to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “It’s really taking the fun out of the game for me — honestly, it really is,” Newton said. “At times, I don’t even feel safe. Enough is enough. I plan on talking to commissioner Goodell about this. It’s not fun, and I don’t know what I have to do.” — ESPN I can’t imagine why this is happening to a fun guy like Cam Newton . . . No, wait — yes I can! Because he goes out of his way to show up opponents and it’s not surprising that the opponents have started to push the envelope as far as what constitutes a legal hit on this guy. Read more →
Author Archive: Paul Epps
PANO | LA
Aside
What am I kidding myself about today? A lot of things, probably . . .
Praying for Sleeping Bags
I was having a conversation with someone last night about the efficacy of prayer . . . “Prayers are always answered,” I was informed, “but sometimes the answer is no, or not right now.” If God issues his edicts with perfect foreknowledge of the future, then prayer is pointless. Some prayers would be granted and some wouldn’t, depending on whether you prayed for something that God has already ordained is going to happen. Has anyone done a study on this? A control group wants things but doesn’t pray for them, a second group prays to God for what they want, and a third group prays to a random entity — maybe a shopping cart. Would there be any difference in results between the groups? I’m going to say no. It’s also hard to assess the efficacy of prayer because people rarely pray for anything tangible. My son as a kid… Read more →
What Qualifies One to Teach Leadership?
My kid calls from San Francisco to see what’s going on . . . “Well, I watched the debate, practiced my piano lesson, and now I’m preparing to teach a class tomorrow.” “What’s the topic?” “Leadership.” “What qualifies you to teach that?” Good question. Because it’s more of a workshop, not a class where I let people in on the secrets of leadership. We exchange ideas based on our own experiences and leave more prepared for whatever happens to us in the future. I just saw a link to 4 Rules the Most Successful Leaders Live By. People love lists. The idea that there are rules of leadership — four of them to be exact — and someone has written them down?! Because I have to make decisions in a limited amount of time, with a limited amount of information, and I don’t know what to do! Now here’s a… Read more →
EppsNet at the Movies: The Accountant
The Ben Affleck character is at the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum, which means, among other things, that he has no social skills. I also have no social skills. It’s exhausting just to be polite to people most of the time, let alone trying to be fun and interesting. I’d like to be diagnosed with something that gives me a medical excuse for not having to do that. The Ben Affleck character also has some cool and useful skills that he learned from his dad, whereas my dad never taught me anything except how to hold a grudge (not always useful). Rating: Director: Cast: IMDb rating: ( votes) Read more →
My Answer to Creepy-Clown Hysteria
Target halts clown-mask sales amid creepy-clown hysteria — Chicago Tribune Anybody surprises me with a disguise, it’s shoot first, ask questions later. Except “Is it Halloween?” … I ask that question first. All other questions, later. Read more →
Clutching Your Pearls
Oh, little snowflakes, when did you all become grandmothers and society matrons, clutching your pearls in horror at someone who has an opinion about something, a way of expressing themselves that’s not the mirror image of yours, you snivelling little weak-ass narcissists? The high moral tone from social justice warriors is always out of scale with what they are indignant about. When did this hideous and probably nerve-wracking way of living begin transforming you into the authoritarian language police, with your strict set of little rules and manufactured outrage . . . — Bret Easton Ellis Read more →
God Bless Us, Every One
I saw a Facebook status update this weekend asking for prayers for anyone with family problems, health struggles, job issues or worries of any kind who just need to know that someone cares. The deal is that you have to copy and paste the status to your own Facebook page. Full disclosure: I don’t believe in God or prayer, although I do believe that a lot of people need to know that someone cares about them. That being said, depending on how lost I feel at any given time, I’m willing to try things even though I’m pretty certain that they’re not going to work. But I have not tried prayer. Why would I need to post something on Facebook to indicate that I prayed for you? Because prayer is not a real thing that’s going to produce a tangible result in the world. So you have to tell people… Read more →
Shut Up About Free Speech
Brahms Shooting Cats
Allegedly, Brahms would sit by a window with a bow-and-arrow-type weapon that Dvorák gave him, and shoot arrows at the cats in the street. — Schmopera Lullaby, and good night, in the skies stars are briiight . . . GODDAMN CATS!!! Read more →
Are You a Role Model for Today’s Youth?
The first question in tonight’s debate was “Are you a role model for today’s youth?” I suppose this was the leadoff question because we found out this week that Donald Trump said some bad things 11 years ago. I’ve been surprised by the amount of phony outrage about that given that Hillary Clinton’s husband set the bar for how crudely an American president can behave toward women. Or maybe JFK set the bar — he was a pimp and a degenerate but politicians were afforded a lot more privacy in those days so it’s hard to say for sure who was the bigger lout. As far as Clinton vs. Trump, we have actions vs. words. Big difference to me between saying (for example) “I’d like to fuck an intern with a cigar” and fucking an intern with a cigar. The spectacle of Hillary Clinton saying that a lack of reverence… Read more →
Shake it Off (aka Haters Gonna Hate)
A Chinese woman tells me that being around white guys inhibits her ability to make edgy (i.e., racist) comments about white guys . . . I reply, “White guys didn’t get to be what we are by peeing in our pants and crying for our mamas every time someone calls us a name. Haters gonna hate. That has been amply demonstrated. We’re just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake it off.” Some people are offended by absolutely everything, some people are offended by nothing, and everyone else is somewhere in between. The people at the easily offended end of the spectrum get most of the attention. People who hear a trigger word or a dog whistle that wouldn’t bother a normal person and they’re bleeding out all over the place like hemophiliacs. That’s where most of the focus is, it seems to me. It’s a distorted view of reality. My… Read more →
How Are You Doing?
I feel like I’m confronting the challenges of existence pretty effectively, with the following exceptions: the inevitability of death, freedom and its attendant responsibility, existential isolation, and meaninglessness. Read more →
Man Ray Chess Set
Really liked this Man Ray chess set at MOCA . . . white has played e4 and waits forever for a response that’s never coming . . . Read more →
Quantum Teleportation Breakthrough by DARPA-Funded Physicists
Two separate teams of scientists funded by the Pentagon’s research arm have revealed significant breakthroughs in the field of quantum teleportation which could have a major impact on cybersecurity and encryption. — RT America Forget security and encryption I want to disappear one place and appear someplace else. What’s the holdup on that?! Read more →
At the MOCA With a Rothko Fan
My niece and nephew were visiting from Texas . . . I asked her what she thought of the Rothko exhibit at MOCA (see photo above) . . . Keep in mind she’s a petroleum engineering major from Texas . . . “I love Rothko!” she said. “I used to have a Rothko calendar.” I admit that threw me off a little. I had expected a lukewarm and/or noncommittal response . . . “Did you find it had a certain ‘sameness’ about it?” “No, he used more figures in his earlier paintings.” “Oh . . . you know, I’ve never been to a museum with someone who actually knows about the art.” “Ha ha, I don’t know that much, I’m just a fan,” she said. Read more →
Vatican Splendors at the Reagan Library
[youtube https://youtu.be/4x4PYfNd4KY] They had a funny rule in the Vatican exhibit: photos were okay but no selfies. I could stand in front of an artifact and have someone take a picture of me, but I could not take a picture of myself. I asked one of the docents about the reason for that. “Does it detract from the holiness of the enterprise or what?” “No, people taking selfies tend to lose track of their surroundings and start banging into the art.” I bought a souvenir T-shirt for $32 in the gift shop. They made me sign the credit card slip, even though a lot of places trust me for amounts under $50. “Trust but verify” as President Reagan himself used to say. Read more →
Give Me a Flaming Russian
If you listen closely, you can hear “Great Balls of Fire” playing on the jukebox. (Kidding, there’s no sound.) Read more →
How to Tell If You’re Too Busy
A colleague shared this on Slack: It’s a slide from a presentation given by somebody somewhere . . . it’s hard to read but the gist of it is: In the past, I’ve worked every holiday, on my birthday, my spouse’s birthday, and even on the day my son was born. I asked the guy who shared it, “How do the birthdays fit in there? I don’t even remember when my spouse’s birthday is, but I certainly didn’t work on the day my son was born.” “I think he meant on the nights of the birthdays,” was the reply. “Was he working on the night his son was conceived? I bet he was. He seems like a very busy guy.” Read more →