Author Archive: Paul Epps
Cognitive Dissonance on Muslims
How are these two ideas about Islam and Muslims, seemingly held simultaneously by a lot of people, not completely incompatible with each other: Islam is a religion of peace and Muslims are peaceful folks (e.g., Hillary Clinton: “Muslims are peaceful and tolerant people, and have nothing whatsoever to do with terrorism.”) We must be careful not to offend Muslims because if we do, they will kill us (e.g., Hillary Clinton: “They are going out to people showing videos of Donald Trump insulting Islam and Muslims in order to recruit more radical jihadists.”) What am I missing? Read more →
Huckleberry Finn Banned Again
A Pennsylvania high school has removed Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn from its 11th-grade curriculum after complaints from students who said they were made “uncomfortable” by the novel. The school’s principal defended the decision to remove the book from the curriculum. “I do not believe that we’re censoring,” he said. “I really do believe that this is an opportunity for the school to step forward and listen to the students.” He went on to add, “War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.” Because if suppression of material you deem objectionable is not censoring, what is? As Kurt Vonnegut used to say, “Have somebody read the First Amendment to the United States Constitution out loud to you, you God damned fool!” Read more →
Those Performance Reviews Were Supposed to be Anonymous
A Coupon for a Nonexistent Product
There’s a guy in the Personal Care department at Target handing out coupons for women’s hair brushes . . . One woman takes the coupon and comes back a minute later to ask where that particular type of hair brush is located. “We’re out of them,” the guy says matter-of-factly. “Why don’t you just go home then?” she asks as she hands the coupon back to him and walks away. “I can’t. But we’ll have more in later this week,” he calls after her. “It’s not like the coupon is worthless.” Read more →
Parsnip Puree
I hope there’s a special place in Hell for anyone who serves an unlabeled bowl of parsnip puree at a buffet. Parsnip puree, which I’d never heard of before today’s lunch buffet, is indistinguishable from mashed potatoes, until you dish up a big spoonful, take a bite and say “What the hell is wrong with these potatoes?” Read more →
Christmastime in Irvine
Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Him?
Posted by a teacher on Facebook: You don’t look good, in my opinion, making other people’s tragedies all about you . . . Read more →
Fight On Vader!
Yale Students Sign Petition to Repeal the First Amendment
The video below shows documentary filmmaker Ami Horowitz asking Yale students to sign a petition aimed at repealing the First Amendment. Horowitz was able to collect more than 50 signatures in less than an hour in what he called an “unbelievable display of total stupidity.” Read more →
Proofread Your Own Work
FYI, if you meant to type “invest in education” but actually typed “incest in education,” which you might do because the ‘c’ and ‘v’ keys are right next to each other, a spell checker will not catch that as a mistake . . . Read more →
George Washington Died on this Day in 1799
On this date, Dec. 14, in 1799, George Washington, the American revolutionary leader and first president of the United States, died of acute laryngitis at his estate in Mount Vernon, Virginia. He was 67 years old. That is according to History.com. Acute laryngitis is not something that’s likely to kill you today but in 1799, medical “science” was still so medieval that doctors believed that diseases were caused by an imbalance of fluids in the body. In particular, they believed that fevers were caused by an excess of blood and they treated fevers by bleeding the patient. Not surprisingly, draining off almost half of Washington’s blood not only didn’t cure him, it probably killed him. The moral of that story is: When you don’t know what the heck you’re doing, just leave well enough alone. Read more →
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
My desk at the office. Note the festive poinsettia! Read more →
A New Use for Churches
Granting the existence of God, a house dedicated to Him naturally follows. He is all-important; it is fit that man should take some notice of Him. But why praise and flatter Him for His unspeakable cruelties? Why forget so supinely His failures to remedy the easily remediable? Why, indeed, devote the churches entirely to worship? Why not give them over, now and then, to justifiable indignation meetings? — H.L. Mencken Read more →
“And you make your nest as high as the eagles, and take the high ground, and from thence I’ll bring thee down . . .”
Moving Back
Our boy was home recently for a visit . . . he lives in San Francisco now . . . we were driving to dinner one night and his mom, from the back seat, said to him, “You can move back if you want to.” “I don’t think I would move back to Irvine,” the boy said matter-of-factly. “I meant you can move the seat back. I have plenty of room back here.” Read more →
Cashing In
When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don’t see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and every human tragedy. — Joseph Heller, Catch-22 Read more →
A Man’s a Man For A’ That
What though on hamely fare we dine, Wear hoddin grey, an’ a that; Gie fools their silks, and knaves their wine; A Man’s a Man for a’ that: For a’ that, and a’ that, Their tinsel show, an’ a’ that; The honest man, tho’ e’er sae poor, Is king o’ men for a’ that. — Robert Burns, “A Man’s a Man For A’ That” Read more →
In Spite of Ourselves
She don’t like her eggs all runny She thinks crossin’ her legs is funny She looks down her nose at money She gets it on like the Easter Bunny She’s my baby I’m her honey I’m never gonna let her go He ain’t got laid in a month of Sundays I caught him once and he was sniffin’ my undies He ain’t too sharp but he gets things done Drinks his beer like it’s oxygen He’s my baby And I’m his honey Never gonna let him go — John Prine, “In Spite of Ourselves” Read more →
Happy Birthday
I remember my youth and the feeling that will never come back any more–the feeling that I could last forever, outlast the seas, the earth, and all men. — Joseph Conrad Read more →