Author Archive: Paul Epps

Are There Any Intelligent People Currently Living?

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I was at LA Fitness this morning . . . one of the TVs was showing an interview with Jameis Winston on ESPN. Winston is borderline retarded but thinks he’s articulate — a deadly combination. He’s a very talented athlete. Just show clips of his athletic accomplishments. They’re impressive and fun to watch. Why would anyone want to talk to him or listen to him talk? The interviewer is paid to endure it, I get that, but why foist it on the viewing public? Maybe it’s the train wreck element. It was very painful to watch and yet I couldn’t look away! Rarely is one person gifted in multiple ways. Some people are great athletes, some people are intelligent and interesting . . . the overlap between the two groups is very small. Listening to Jameis Winston talk is like watching Milton Friedman take batting practice or Albert Einstein work… Read more →

Happy 21st Birthday, Casey

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On this date 21 years ago — July 28, 1993 — our son Casey was born. On his first birthday, we took him to Chuck E Cheese. On his 21st birthday, he’s in San Francisco having dinner with his girlfriend so we have to wish him a happy birthday over the phone. “I remember the day you were born like it was last week,” I say. “I was an integral part of it.” “Yeah, so was I,” he says. Right, but he doesn’t remember it like I do. And I don’t want to mention it on his special day, but he didn’t really do anything either. His mom and I did all the work and yet he gets all the glory and recognition. Think about that. “Happy birthday. I love you.” Read more →

I’d Like to Be Invited

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I want to be invited into other people’s lives. I’ve lived a life secluded and sequestered and now I guess what I’d like to do is be invited. This might not happen. This might not be my spirit. Maybe I was sent here to go at it alone, and maybe where I offer inspiration and have power is alone. But if you ask me, I’d like to be invited. — Rickie Lee Jones Read more →

Darth Vader for President

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People are so fed up with the gridlock and dysfunction in Washington. Congress is unfortunately unable to even agree on the most obvious kinds of things. I think Darth Vader looks pretty good to a lot of people. — Former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, on CNN, responding to poll results showing voters say they prefer Darth Vader, the fictional villain in the Star Wars films, for president over her and several other potential candidates. Are people fed up with gridlock? I’m not. I love gridlock. It’s when those meddling idiots actually do something that life gets worse for everyone. Jokes aside, I think Darth Vader would be an exceptionally good president in some respects. Imagine him, for example, in an Israel-Hamas negotiating session: “Whose trachea do I have to crush with my mind to get some peace around here?” Read more →

Books, Writers, Bookstores, Libraries

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World’s Coolest Bookstores – CNN Style 22 Most Spectacular Libraries in the World – Architecture and Design Writers at Work Erasing Infinite – Poet Jenni B. Baker creates erasure poetry from David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest, one page at a time. Incredible. Must be seen to be believed. Read more →

The Softball Waivers

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Our company’s having an in-house softball game tonight, hosted at a field across the street at UC Irvine . . . That’s not our actual team in the picture, the difference being that the players in the picture look like they may have been athletes at one time. I’m not playing because I have a piano lesson tonight. (Actually, I wouldn’t have played anyway because I can no longer do things like run and see that used to serve me so well on the diamond all those years ago. But the piano lesson is a convenient excuse.) Everyone who is playing had to sign a waiver provided by UCI. Good move. Company softball games are rife with injuries. I picture a scenario like this: Dear UCI Parents, We regret that your students are not able to graduate on time, but as you know, we’ve had to cut back drastically on… Read more →

How to Not Cry at Work

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The most read post on LinkedIn today is “How To Not Cry At Work” with (as I write this) 241,549 views. The second most read post — and a very distant second with 101,906 views — is “It’s time to stop using recruiting agencies.” That can’t be good. What does it say about the American workplace that the most pressing issue is how to avoid crying? Read more →

One Thing I Can’t Tolerate is Intolerance: Tony Dungy Edition

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“What’s your beef with Tony Dungy?” “He said he wouldn’t draft Michael Sam. He’s not showing the requisite level of tolerance and inclusiveness toward people who are different than he is.” “Isn’t Dungy himself entitled to tolerance and inclusiveness?” “Oh, no. No. Absolutely not. Because he’s being different in a way that’s totally unacceptable.” “So you’re not against intolerance as a matter of principle, so long as the ‘right’ people and groups get ostracized.” “Right.” “I don’t remember anyone until fairly recently saying that having openly gay players in the NFL is a good idea. Now that we’ve reached a point in history where everyone in America has a breezy indifference to homosexuality . . . everyone knows people, works with people, has people in their family who are openly gay . . . every single TV show and movie has at least one gay character — NOW people like… Read more →

Forgiveness

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“This article says that lovers are more willing to forgive a partner for infidelity than for leaving dirty dishes in the sink.” “Just so you know, I wouldn’t forgive you for either one.” Read more →

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