Lemme Ask You Something

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Do you have a side-by-side refrigerator-freezer like we do? You do? And have you ever been standing in front of it but not really looking at it because you’re talking to someone in the next room and you reach to open the refrigerator but you grab the freezer handle by mistake and instead of opening to the right like you expect, it opens to the left and throws you completely off balance? Me too! Read more →

Late Starts

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Every Wednesday, the Irvine high schools have a late start — 9 a.m. instead of 8. Also: a few times a year, like today, they have something called a Super Late Start day, where classes don’t start till 9:50. My wife brings up a good point: Why don’t they ever have Super Early Start, where we drop the kids off at 6 a.m.? Read more →

April Fools

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Every month, I present web site metrics to our Web Steering committee. Since this month’s meeting fell on April 1, I took the opportunity to mock up and present a set of fake charts showing all of our key metrics falling off a cliff. LOL! OK I know what you’re thinking — not as funny as cling wrap on a toilet seat. You’re right but chart pranks are more cerebral . . . Read more →

Hot Enough for You?

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All of us tend to think of our own circumstances in terms of a narrow range and to feel that other pastures are greener. . . . My suspicion is that in Heaven the Blessed are of the opinion that the advantages of that locale have been overrated by theologians who were never actually there. Perhaps even in Hell the damned are not always satisfied. — Jorge Luis Borges, “The Duel” Read more →

Don’t Underestimate Me

by  on Lightning
 

Now, each of us has his own special gift And you know this was meant to be true, And if you don’t underestimate me, I won’t underestimate you. — Bob Dylan, “Dear Landlord” My owner and I took a walk tonight and we saw a woman we’ve seen many times before. She is about 40 years old in human years and a little bit chubby. Tonight she was playing with a volleyball in front of her house with her kids and another girl. She was very good! She was bumping and setting with aplomb! “I underestimated her,” my owner said. “She looks like a chubby housewife but she’s also a good volleyball player.” That happens to me a lot too. As you can see in the photo, I’m not very big compared to some other dogs but I have the heart of a much larger animal. — Lightning Read more →

The Census is Unfair to Dogs

by  on Lightning
 

My owner filled out the census form for our whole family except me. He said he was sorry but there are no questions on the census about pets. I think that’s not fair because dogs bring a lot of love and joy to peoples’ lives. If they don’t count us, how will they make sure that we have adequate access to veterinary services and rawhide treats? — Lightning Read more →

The Erasers

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The Erasers is a combination detective story and Greek tragedy, about a murder investigation in which the victim, unbeknownst to (almost) anyone, is not really dead. It’s also about multiple perceptions of the same events, all of them perfectly reasonable and all of them wrong. And it’s about the inevitablility of fate, which despite your best efforts can lead you to an unimaginable deed (cf. Oedipus). Highly recommended! Read more →

No Bars at Home

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No bars at home? AT&T to offer $150 fix — USATODAY.com I’ve got a bottle of tequila and some ice. I don’t think that qualifies as a “bar” but it didn’t set me back $150 either. Read more →

Thomas Jefferson on the Health Care Bill

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Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny. — TJ My fellow Americans — This is a glorious day in our great nation! No, I’m not referring to that tragedy of a health care bill, which I’ll get to in a moment. I’m talking about Free Pastry Day at Starbucks! Who doesn’t enjoy a tasty scone with his morning coffee? Now, on a more somber note . . . Goodbye, representative democracy! Farewell, consent of the governed! President Obama today signed into law a far-reaching measure that will affect everyone living in these United States, now and in the future. It is opposed by most of the country and it is now law. I would never have believed that the government I helped to establish would one day engage in this kind… Read more →

Angered by Trivia

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people are strange: they are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice . . . — Charles Bukowski, “wandering in the cage” Read more →

I’m All About Safety

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The woman in the car next to me was talking on a cell phone while driving. I was so incensed, I ran her off the highway. Her car flew into a barranca and exploded in a giant fireball. I’m a stickler when it comes to traffic safety. Read more →

Don’t Touch My Stuff

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“Anyone who knows me as well as you do,” I say to my son, “knows that one thing I really hate is when I put something in one place and somebody moves it to a different place, so the next time I need that thing I can’t find it. Which brings me to the topic of the DVD remote . . .” “I put it to the left of the TV,” he says. “Are you sure you didn’t put it behind the TV where no one would be likely to find it?” “Did you find it?” he asks. “No — Mom found it, and when I asked her where she found it she pointed behind the TV.” “Hmmm . . . I would say it was to the left of the TV.” “Let me ask you this: Why did you move it at all?” “It was in my chair.” “That’s… Read more →

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