Congress doesn’t have its own stash [of money]. Every dollar it injects into the economy must first be taxed or borrowed out of the economy. No new spending power is created. It’s merely redistributed from one group of people to another. — Brian Reidl, The Wall Street Journal As you probably learned in school, we founded this country as a free-market economy and viewed government intervention in the market with the greatest skepticism. The above article is the clearest explanation I’ve seen for why bailouts and “stimulus plans” involving government spending never work. The latest failed companies hoping for a bailout are General Motors and Ford. I hope Henry Ford — a great American like myself, who is currently whirling like a lathe in his Detroit grave — will pardon me for saying so, but these companies are nothing but engines of mass financial destruction. According to the WSJ, GM… Read more →
Love in the Parking Lot
I stop the car to let a man and woman cross the parking lot in front of us. The man is fat and hairy. The woman is rubbing his neck affectionately. I say to my son, “That’s what I need is a woman who worships me, even if I’m a fat, hairy slob. Which I’m not, so I should get twice as much neck rubbing.” Read more →
Puppy Cam!
I can still remember so clearly when I was a puppy with all my brothers and sisters. I can’t believe 35 dog years have gone by so fast! Good thing I can still keep in touch with them through my blog! — Lightning Read more →
Sting Operation
What a humanitarian! And what did he do next? Set them free? Free, free, set them free . . . Read more →
With Friends Like That . . .
Ouch! What did he do to people he didn’t like? Read more →
I’ve Got an Idea for a TV Show
It would be like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, but the twist is that instead of fixing people’s homes, we’d sneak around under cover of darkness and give homes an extreme makeover by burning them down, blowing them up, felling large trees on top of them, etc. For added poignancy, the victims will be cripples, retards, members of minority groups, impoverished people with way too many kids, or some combination of the above. Now that’s great television! Read more →
The Obamas Should Get a Pug
I read this weekend that the Obamas are trying to decide what kind of dog to get when they move into the White House. I recommend a pug puppy. Pugs possess the heart of a giant. They are brave, intelligent, loving, and excellent with kids! The AKC took a vote and people said the Obamas should get a poodle. I hate to say it, but poodles are not very smart. Or brave. But even a poodle is better than a cat. Cats appeal to single women with low self-esteem, but real Americans like the Obamas should have a dog. — Lightning Read more →
Design Breakthrough of the Week
I saw one of these upside-down bottles at Black Angus the other night . . . The frustrated diner battling a ketchup bottle is part of our cultural vocabulary, and the solution turns out to be as simple as turning the problem upside down!? I couldn’t decide if this was a stroke of brilliance or whether we’re all fools for not thinking of it decades ago . . . Read more →
Clothing-Optional Voting
LAND O’ LAKES, Fla. (AP) – A nudist community on Florida’s west coast wants to establish the first clothing-optional polling site. The Caliente Resorts, located in Pasco County north of Tampa, has approached election officials about the idea. — Breitbart.com Overheard at Florida’s clothing-optional polling place: Hey, Chad! How’s it hanging? Read more →
Autumn Haikus
Originally uploaded by ahp_ibanez On a withered bough A crow alone is perching, Autumn evening now. — Basho The wild geese take flight Low along the railroad tracks In the moonlit night. — Shiki Read more →
You’re Blocking My View of the Band!
The Handsome Men in Our Family
We’ve got plenty of mirrors in the house, but for some reason, our son has come into our room to comb his hair in our mirror . . . “What a handsome boy!” his mom says. I say, “Like his pappy.” “He’s got me in him too,” she says. “My dad was handsome. And my uncles are very handsome. You haven’t seen them.” I can’t resist mentioning that her brother, who I have seen, is anything but handsome. “I don’t know what happened to him,” she says. Read more →
No Accountability Without Volition
There is no accountability without volition, you’ve noticed, right? You can’t go “You got to ship that by November 1st and I am holding you accountable.” It doesn’t work that way. You can’t hold someone else accountable, you’ve got to hold yourself accountable. It’s just like you can’t motivate someone else; you got to motivate yourself. And the more that you motivate people and hold them accountable, the more infantile they become. — Jim McCarthy Read more →
We Are Not (Just) Nerds
One thing that I resent about our computer culture is that they say we are nerds and that nerds don’t get along with people. I think that’s just insane. We are not just nerds — we are nerds, I mean, look at us! But we are not just nerds, we are like the priests or something in the Middle Ages, we are the Lords and Ladies of Logic. We are in charge of rationality for our era. We are bringing common sense and good practice and sound judgment and aggregated wisdom and glory to everyone. That’s our job. — Jim McCarthy I posted this quote on a blog at work and IT people were calling each other nerds all day. Good morning, nerd! How’s it going, nerd? Being a nerd felt like, like being a hero — just for one day. Read more →
Happy Halloween
Halloween memories . . . Read more →
The Lost Art of the Hickey
One of my co-workers came to the office today with an obvious hickey between her neck and shoulder, but she thought I was juvenile for noticing it. “How old are you again?” she asked. “Old enough to remember hickeys obviously.” “Don’t you mean ‘Not too old to have forgotten hickeys’? You think young people don’t know what hickeys are?” Maybe I should have said, “Old enough to remember when hickeys were a standard element of the teenage repertoire.” But actually, I don’t think kids know what hickeys are. I haven’t even heard the word “hickey” in years. I think hickeys, like plaid pants, are a relic of a bygone era. Girls are much more forward now, if the messages in my son’s yearbooks are any indication. If girls are offering oral sex in junior high school, what are you going to say? “Can I give you a hickey first”? P.S.… Read more →
Plaid Pants
In the process of rearranging things in the house last weekend, my wife found a box of pictures of me as a boy and showed them to our son. “Dude, those were funny,” he says. “There’s one of you sitting on a motorcycle –” He makes an angry face and pantomimes driving a motorcycle. “Vroom! Vroom! And you’re wearing — ha, ha — you’re wearing a pair of –” Now he’s laughing so hard he can hardly talk, but he manages to spit out “– plaid pants!” before collapsing in a coughing, sputtering fit. I explain to him that plaid pants were popular in the 1970s. “Mom!” he yells downstairs. “Where’s that box of pictures of Dad?” “Under the desk in the den,” she yells back. “I’ve seen those pictures,” I say, “so if you’re planning to show them to me and laugh about it, you’re wasting your time.” “I’ve… Read more →
Thomas Jefferson’s Election Blog
Firstly, I’d like to thank Paul Epps for giving me this space on his web site to express my humble views. He is a real American. What concerns me today is that a candidate for president, Barack Obama, has said that he wants to “spread the wealth around” in America. It was a long time ago, but let me remind those of you who didn’t pay attention in history class that we founded this country as a rebellion against a too-powerful government. We believed in — and fought for — self-reliance and freedom, including the economic freedom to earn a dollar and spend it any way you want to. When someone tells you that he is going to decide how much money you can earn before he starts taking it away from you and giving it to someone else, that man is a scoundrel. And when Americans — the descendants… Read more →
Father-Son Conversations
FATHER: Would you take out the trash please? SON: Are you KIDDING?! I’m doing homework! I’ll take out the trash if you read To Kill a Mockingbird and tell me what each chapter is about. FATHER: I’ve read To Kill a Mockingbird. You want to know what it’s about? ‘Racism is Bad.’ Now take out the garbage. SON: Mom said my dinner was going to be ready by now and she hasn’t even started cooking it yet. FATHER: You’re a big boy. Why don’t you make something yourself? SON: I’m really not happy with the service I’m receiving here. SON: So was Mom pretty horny when you first met her? FATHER: Oh Jesus . . . Read more →
Another Difference Between Dogs and Cats
My owner was telling me about a conversation he had with a co-worker, explaining to her that dogs have a special relationship with humans. “So do cats,” she said. “Would your cat save you if you were drowning?” he asked. “No, but your dog wouldn’t save you either.” “He sure would.” “He’s not any bigger than your head.” “He would try to do something.” “Exactly. He’d make things worse.” That’s not very nice and if I ever meet this woman I’m going to growl at her. I’m not a big dog like Lassie or Rin Tin Tin, but I’m not a cat either, so I would definitely try to save him. It’s a roll of the dice. I might save him or I might kill both of us, but he was going to drown anyway and I don’t want to be alive without him. If you want to see how… Read more →