Interpretation of Dreams
I was looking for something in my son’s room this morning when he woke up saying, “Please stop it!” He didn’t seem to be really talking to me, so I said, “Did you have a dream?” WIthout opening his eyes, he said, “Mom was shuffling her feet for an hour!” Read more →
Things That Might Have Been
I think about things that might have been and never were. The treatise on Saxon myths that Bede omitted to write. The inconceivable work that Dante may have glimpsed As soon as he corrected the Comedy’s last verse. History without two afternoons: that of the hemlock, that of the Cross. History without Helen’s face. Man without the eyes that have granted us the moon. Over three Gettysburg days, the victory of the South. The love we never shared. The vast empire the Vikings declined to found. The globe without the wheel, or without the rose. John Donne’s judgment of Shakespeare. The Unicorn’s other horn. The fabled Irish bird which alights in two places at once. The child I never had. — Jorge Luis Borges, “Things that might have been” Read more →
Instants
[Ed. Note: The unusual spellings are from the original source.] If I could live again my life, In the next – I’ll try, – to make more mistakes, I won’t try to be so perfect, I’ll be more relaxed, I’ll be more full – than I am now, In fact, I’ll take fewer things seriously, I’ll be less hygenic, I’ll take more risks, I’ll take more trips, I’ll watch more sunsets, I’ll climb more mountains, I’ll swim more rivers, I’ll go to more places – I’ve never been, I’ll eat more ice creams and less (lime) beans, I’ll have more real problems – and less imaginary ones, I was one of those people who live prudent and prolific lives – each minute of his life, Offcourse that I had moments of joy – but, if I could go back I’ll try to have only good moments, If you don’t know… Read more →
Look Homeward, Angel
. . . a stone, a leaf, an unfound door; of a stone, a leaf, a door. And of all the forgotten faces. Naked and alone we came into exile. In her dark womb we did not know our mother’s face; from the prison of her flesh have we come into the unspeakable and incommunicable prison of this earth. Which of us has known his brother? Which of us has looked into his father’s heart? Which of us has not remained forever prison-pent? Which of us is not forever a stranger and alone? O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly, we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When? O lost, and by the wind grieved ghost, come back again. — Thomas Wolfe, Look Homeward,… Read more →
Mom Learns to Play Chess
She doesn’t have the patience for a full explanation of the rules, the pieces and how they move . . . MOM: How do I win? I kill your king? BOY: Mmmm . . . yes. MOM: Which one is the king? Read more →
Man Plans, God Laughs
Man plans, God laughs. — Yiddish proverb A VP has asked me to review a Microsoft Project schedule printed out on 16 legal-size pages. The first thing that jumps out at me is that the level of detail in the schedule far exceeds the quality of information we have about the state of the world and the project at the future dates and times represented. I don’t see how you can break tasks down to this level of detail, add in dependencies, and state that Task XYZ is going to start at 2 o’clock in the afternoon on some date 14 months from now. And I would say that if the success of your project depends on your ability to forecast the future to that degree of precision, you are DOOMED from the outset . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →
Wasted Time
There was a profile of Jerry Buss, the owner of the Lakers, on TV the other night . . . Buss spent very little time with his family when his kids were growing up. When he and his wife separated, they didn’t tell the kids, and it was five years before any of them noticed the difference. True story! Clearly, I have not been nearly as ruthless as I could have been at disregarding my family in my pursuit of success. Read more →
At the Dog Park
This is a picture of 14 pugs in a hatchback, although you can only see five of them really well. Ours — Lightning — is the one in the middle. We tried taking pictures with the hatchback open so you could see the dogs better, but they all started jumping out, so we had to abandon that plan . . . Read more →
Good Game! (Bleccch)
My son’s hockey game got completely out of hand. I’ve never seen a game like that . . . they led 11-9 before losing 12-11. My boy had eight goals. Neither team could stop anything. Read more →
You’re as Old as You Feel
Sometimes I feel really old . . . I’m not getting any younger I’m not getting any smarter I’m not getting any healthier Sometimes I feel like 45 would be a pretty good age to die . . . Related Links “Men at Forty” by Donald Justice Read more →
Verbification
Reading an excerpt from the tray liner at KFC: We plate your food while it’s still hot, and serve it at the peak of flavor perfection. “Tell me something I don’t know,” my son says. Read more →
Ghosts of Christmas Past
I found an old Christmas card from my son this weekend, the kind of thing that’s looked upon wistfully by probably no one except the child’s parents. Here it is anyway . . . Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you an awesome Christmas and I would’ve bought you an expensive present but I couldn’t afford one. I still love you though. Love, Casey Read more →
Inspired Idiocy
It’s amazing how much havoc a person can wreak in the workplace by applying a certain kind of inspired idiocy to every situation: follow all procedures to the letter, do exactly what you’re told, and respond to all questions exactly as asked. One-word answers are ideal. The latter technique is especially effective via email. Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →
This Just In
I’m listening to a radio ad in which a man purporting to be a medical doctor is pitching an herbal rejuvenator: Call now and I’ll send you my free report on aging and its effect on energy and sex drive! Let me guess: they go down . . . Read more →
High-Visibility Management
A friend of mine asked me the other day, “Do you think an organization really values a good manager?” He asked me that because he’s moving from a position as lead developer on a high-visibility system (lots of job security) to a position managing the developers of that system. And I had to say that in general, I think the answer is no, which is why you see managers generating a lot of useless paperwork to make their work visible: project plans, Gantt charts, spreadsheets, flowcharts . . . Does this help? I haven’t found that it does, but it does provide an illusion of control and an acceptable way of failing: the manager can point to all the paperwork and say, “Well, I followed the accepted process right down the line, so the fact that we failed can’t be my fault!” An analogy Our local basketball team is coached… Read more →
I Sit By The Window
A loyal subject of these second-rate years, I proudly admit that my finest ideas are second-rate, and may the future take them as trophies of my struggle against suffocation. I sit in the dark. And it would be hard to figure out which is worse; the dark inside, or the darkness out. — Joseph Brodsky, “I Sit By The Window” Read more →
Obesity vs. Thought
Obesity Could Be More Widespread Than Thought — New York Sun I believe that. I run into a lot more fat people than thoughtful people . . . Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
James Arness – actor Doris Day – actress Yvonne DeCarlo – actress Lady Bird Johnson – U.S. first lady Art Linkletter – TV host Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – spiritual guru Fess Parker – actor Paul Winchell – voice of Tigger Updates James Arness – died 6/3/2011, age 88 Doris Day – died 5/13/2019, age 97 Yvonne DeCarlo – died 1/10/2007, age 84 Lady Bird Johnson – died 7/11/2007, age 94 Art Linkletter – died 5/26/2010, age 97 Maharishi Mahesh Yogi – died 2/5/2008, age 91 Fess Parker – died 3/18/2010, age 85 Paul Winchell – died 6/25/2005, age 82 Read more →
What I’m Reading
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in confederacy against him. — Jonathan Swift I’m reading a great, very funny book called A Confederacy of Dunces, written by John Kennedy Toole in 1963. Unfortunately, Toole could not find anyone willing to publish the book and subsequently killed himself in 1969 at the age of 31. Read more →