Non-Toxic Masculinity

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Amanda Eller, rescued from the jungles of Maui I’m hearing a lot about “toxic masculinity” recently . . . in fact I rarely hear anyone talk about masculinity without the word “toxic” in front of it. But I’ve noticed that when people get themselves into life-threatening situations — lost in the jungle, trapped in a cave, etc. — the volunteers who show up to attempt a rescue are always men. I remember one guy died in the Thailand cave rescue. A volunteer — he didn’t even have to be there. So I’d like to recognize non-toxic masculinity — bravery, strength, compassion — that gets things done in the world that women can’t or won’t do. Read more →

If I Were a Cardiologist

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I drove through Carl’s Jr. for lunch . . . “Would you like to try a Triple Bacon Cheeseburger?” the girl asked. Triple?! A triple bacon burger!? The burger itself is 1,300 calories. If you go with the combo, it’s well over 2,000 calories. If I were a cardiologist, I’d be sending a thank you note to whoever thought this up . . . Read more →

Fat Bike Riders

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There are a lot of cyclists in Irvine . . . if you visit the local coffee shops on the weekend, you’ll see a bunch of them after their ride, usually in groups, all togged out like Tour de France participants. While actual bike racers are very lean, these folks ironically are always among the fattest people in the establishment, a fact emphasized by their skin-tight attire. I’m tempted to ask, “Why don’t you ride in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, given that 1) your racing togs just emphasize what a physical mess you are, and 2) no amount of aerodynamic material is going to make you a bike racer because you’re too fat.” Read more →

SAT to Give Students ‘Adversity Score’

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SAT to Give Students ‘Adversity Score’ to Capture Social and Economic Background The Wall Street Journal We’re not even done reviling everyone involved in tilting the academic scales based on students’ social and economic background when the College Board announces a plan to . . . tilt the academic scales based on students’ social and economic background. Read more →

See You in Hell, Charlize Theron

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[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Warmest greetings from Hell! I was leading a hot yoga class when Access Hollywood came on one of the TVs . . . they were raving about Charlize Theron as Mother of the Year if not Mother of All Time because her 3-year-old son announced “I’m not a boy” and this dingbat decided to roll with it and raise him as her “daughter.” Even a crackpot celebrity trying to make noise and draw attention to herself must realize that a 3-year-old has no conception of what “I’m not a boy” means. Right? Maybe he means he’s a space alien. Maybe next week he’ll decide he’s a golden retriever — then what? Put him on a leash and go for a walk? See you in Hell . . . Read more →

Stop Screwing Around and Cure Something!

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A doctor asked me if I watch Game of Thrones . . . “No,” I said. “Shouldn’t you be spending your time reading medical journals instead of watching mindless entertainments?” I feel like this is what gives disease the upper hand, medical professionals wasting their time watching television shows. Stop screwing around and cure something! Read more →

Anderson Cooper Has Not Been Cleared of Russian Collusion

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Anderson Cooper is saying that CNN has never made any claims against President Trump . . . I’d put my research team to work on that if I had a research team, but since I don’t, I’ll just point out that 99 percent of CNN’s panel guests for the past two years made claims against President Trump, which I don’t think was accidental. There was a period of several months, for example, where Michael Avenatti was on CNN probably more often than Cooper himself, for no reason other than to make claims against President Trump.  (Whatever happened to Avenatti, by the way? CNN seems to have lost interest in him.) There’s a technical distinction between making claims against someone and providing two years of airtime to other people making claims, but it’s not a credible distinction. Cooper also likes to say that President Trump was not cleared of Russian collusion,… Read more →

Sometimes I Get My Product Names Mixed Up

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Driving through McDonald’s this morning . . . “Hi, I’d like a Big Mac and an iced coffee please.” “We don’t have Big Macs right now.” “You don’t have Big Macs?!“ “Not till 10:30.” “You won’t have Big Macs till 10:30?!“ “It’s breakfast right now.” “Wait . . . did I say Big Mac? I meant Egg McMuffin. Do you have those?” “Yes.” “Excellent!” Read more →

See You in Hell: Hot Yoga

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[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings everyone! We’re trying a new offering down here: Hot Yoga. Not 105 degrees hot. REALLY hot! NEXT-LEVEL hot! See you in Hell . . . Read more →

What Can USC Students Tell Us About Inequality?

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Well, according to the New York Times, some USC students jet to Bali for spring break, while some of their classmates work overnight shifts to pay for books! Instead of inequality, think of it as diversity. So now it’s a good thing! The Times for some reason writes USC as U.S.C., even though nobody does that. I’ve noticed the Times always measures life outcomes in terms of money, like that’s the only possible criterion. What ‘s so great about jetting to Bali anyway? What are you going to do, lay on a fucking beach? There are 50 beaches within two hours of USC. It’s the same sun up in the sky. You’re the same person with the same problems in Bali as you are here. You jet to Bali, you jet home, absolute waste of time. Read more →

Sanctuary Cities?

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Pelosi fumes over White House plan to release immigrant detainees in sanctuary cities Fox News Sanctuary cities: Immigrants, regardless of status, are safe in our city. Bring them here! They are welcome. This is the very point of a sanctuary city! President trump: Ok, we’ll send a few busloads over right now. Sanctuary cities: Wait — what? Read more →

Yanked Down to the Bottom

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In the old party of classic 20th-century Democratic liberalism, they wanted everyone to rise. . . . Now there’s a mood not of Everyone Can Rise but of Some Must Be Taken Down. It’s bitter, resentful, divisive. . . . America is not good guys in a foxhole to them, it’s crabs in a barrel with the one who gets to the top getting yanked down to the bottom — deservedly. — Peggy Noonan Read more →

Cyber Liability Insurance

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“Does your company have cyber liability insurance?” an insurance agent asks me. “It protects you against hacking.” “No one I work with is smart enough to hack into anything,” I reply. “Do we still need it?” Read more →

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