Voice-Activated Copiers

 
Copier

We just got new copiers at the office. They have 900 features, which makes it hard for people to figure out how to access the one feature they really want, i.e., making a copy.

My office is close to one of the copy rooms, so when I hear someone in there struggling with the new copier, I go in and tell them it’s voice-activated.

“Just say your name and the number of copies you want.”

“Jodi Smith. Two copies.”

Nothing happens.

“I don’t think you’re authorized to make copies. Get Debbie down here and have her try it.”

Update: We had training classes today on how to use the copiers. I’m dating myself here but I can actually remember when it was possible to operate a copier without a training class.

Loved or Feared

 

Most of what Machiavelli said made sense, but certain things stick out wrong — like when he offers the wisdom that it’s better to be feared than loved, it kind of makes you wonder if Machiavelli was thinking big. I know what he meant, but sometimes in life, someone who is loved can inspire more fear than Machiavelli ever dreamed of.

— Bob Dylan, Chronicles

Aside

I’m dating myself here, but I can actually remember when it was possible to operate a copier without taking a training class.

Aside

Just because a pot calls you black doesn’t mean you’re a kettle. Maybe you’re BOTH pots.

SharedVision

 
share your ideas

The principal effects of SharedVision derive from the group’s continuous validation that an object of compelling beauty and importance can be, and will be, achieved by its combined thinking and intense, concerted action. Attempting a goal like that typically found in a vision statement of this class of team requires substantial ambition.

The SharedVision object is something that each team member would most likely see as impossible to attain on an individual basis, were it not for the ongoing validation and sustained support of the other team members. The object itself is — or at least becomes — loaded with supreme meaning for the team. Nothing is more important.

The team’s commitment to attaining the SharedVision object is a passionate one. So animated is the team’s fervor that the only real difference between a shared delusion and a SharedVision is the rational, step-by-step behavior of those experiencing the vision, which contrasts with the irrational and often random behavior of those experiencing a delusion. When examining the team besotted with a SharedVision, a third-party observer might decide that, although the fulfillment of the team’s ambition is unlikely, it is just possible that members of this group could achieve it. “If anybody can do it,” the observer might well say, “this team can.”

— Jim and Michele McCarthy

HW’s Book Reviews: Go the Fuck to Sleep

 

If you think saying “fuck” to a toddler is the funniest thing ever, and evidently a lot of people do judging from the rave reviews on Facebook, then you’ll love this book.

SPOILER ALERT: The joke is that infants don’t have the same sleep patterns as grownups — ha ha — which is breaking news to this hapless unfit shithead of a parent, who spews page after page of rhymed obscenities at his child.

I didn’t say “fuck” to my kid until he was a teenager, and even then it wasn’t to be funny.

Seriously: Children are a gift from God and I don’t even believe in God. I love the time that my son and I were boys together more than I love anything.

If you think there’s anything clever or funny about this book, please stay away from me . . .

What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now. — Buddha

Aside

Keeping it real like a Happy Meal

Aside

Beginning this day my life shall run like sweet water . . .

Ask the Dust

 

You’ll eat hamburgers year after year and live in dusty, vermin-infested apartments and hotels, but every morning you’ll see the mighty sun, the eternal blue of the sky, and the streets will be full of sleek women you never will possess, and the hot semi-tropical nights will reek of romance you’ll never have, but you’ll still be in paradise, boys, in the land of sunshine.

— John Fante, Ask the Dust

Good book, set in the Bunker Hill area of Los Angeles in the 1930s. You’ll need to up the dosage on your Prozac prescription after you read it . . .

People Who Died Last Week

 
Kevin McCarthy and Dana Wynter

It was a busy week for the Grim Reaper . . .