In that strange separation of what man is from what man does we may have some clue as to what the hell has gone wrong in this twentieth century.
What We Are and What We Do
A Longstanding Absurdity
Is the bad-software problem really caused by bad requirements definition, which we could fix by doing a better job up front, if only we were more diligent and more professional in our work?
We have made this our primary excuse for bad software for decades. If this was really the problem, and if processes focusing on early lockdown of requirements provided the needed solution, wouldn’t we have solved this by now?
A process that requires us to lock down decisions early will maximize our risk, not manage it.
We’re in Such a Hurry
What I would like to do is use the time that is coming now to talk about some things that have come to mind. We’re in such a hurry most of the time we never get much chance to talk. The result is a kind of endless day-to-day shallowness, a monotony that leaves a person wondering years later where all the time went and sorry that it’s all gone.
Offer What You Have
Offer what you have, disclosing what you feel and think, connecting only with those who do likewise.
Truth Knocks
The truth knocks on the door and you say, “Go away, I’m looking for the truth,” and so it goes away.
Homeless Cat Problem
It’s a good thing women aren’t married off young by their fathers anymore, or else we’d have a real homeless cat problem on our hands.
A Can’t-Miss Situation
The Situation Leaving ‘Jersey Shore’ In One Year?
Leaving a successful TV show to become a movie star sounds like a can’t-miss idea, as I was just saying this morning to my cleaning woman, Shelley Long.
Pet Peeve of the Day
People who pronounce “both” as “boaf.”
Groundhog Day
Who came up with the stupid idea to once a year ask a GROUNDHOG his opinion about the WEATHER?! You should ask a PUG his opinion about the weather.
I HAVE NO OPINION ABOUT WEATHER! PUGS ARE DOMINANT IN ALL WEATHER CONDITIONS!
— Lightning 
Overheard at El Cholo
The woman at the next table says to the waiter, “I’ll have the number 6 combo with the chile . . .”
She’s struggling with the next word, so the waiter says, “Relleno.”
“Right,” she says.
The waiter asks if she wants the regular chile or the spicy chile.
“Spicy,” she says.
I love Mexican food but chile rellenos are a little bit different. I’m not crazy about them. So I can see where he’s coming from when the husband asks her, “Are you sure you know what you’re ordering?”
“Number 6,” she says.
“I mean, do you know what a chile relleno is?”
“Yes.”
When the food comes, she asks the waiter, “What am I eating again?”
I’ve Got a New Password
I’ve had the same password at work for three years. This morning, a new policy forced me to change it.
What’s the over/under on how many days before I stop typing the old one by mistake?
Twitter: 2011-02-01
- RT @ChelseaVPeretti: When people say "it is what it is" we all learn so much via this insight #
- RT @eddiepepitone: if your life involves long discussions about flax seed than you need to take more risks. #
- RT @eddiepepitone: I always tell children that lunatic clowns will kill them in their sleep. I want to see the cut of their jib. #
Twitter: 2011-01-30
- RT @eddiepepitone: When shit hits fan here people will be quoting American Idol contestants for inspiration. #
Twitter: 2011-01-28
- RT @eddiepepitone: Ancient U.S.A. saying- When mall is open and food court busy, a calm comes over all the uneducated minds. #
Hamlet Backwards
This semester’s AP English final is on Beloved, a depressing novel enjoyed by no one.
“I need an 87 on the final to get an A in the class,” my boy says.
“That sounds manageable,” I say.
“Not really. I knew Hamlet backward and forward and on that test I got an 86.”
“What is Hamlet backward? It’s Telmah, right?”
The Elevated Scrub
For most of the season, my boy’s been one of the kids who only plays in the last few minutes of blowouts.
He’d like to play more but he’s never been on a basketball team before.
To me, the fact that he tried out at all is a win, making the team is icing on the cake, and whatever happens after that is up to him and the coach.
He told me he’s had some of his best practices lately, and in last night’s game, he got in for a few minutes in the third quarter and then played the whole fourth quarter.
“I’ve elevated myself from scrub to super scrub,” he said.
Warming Up is Horseshit
Warming up is the biggest bunch of horseshit I’ve ever heard in my life. Fifteen minutes to warm up! Does a lion warm up when he’s hungry? ‘Uh-oh, here comes an antelope. Better warm up.’ No! He just goes out and eats the sucker.
Twitter: 2011-01-26
- RT @yoyoha: Every woman has a tiny ball of hatred in her heart that is fed by the actions of everyone around them. #
- RT @capricecrane: Is there a “Your Kid Looks The Same As Yesterday” button on Facebook? #
- RT @yoyoha: I’m currently eating graham crackers in the shape of little bunnies. This can’t be helping my street cred. #
The Best Years of Your Life
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.
Twitter: 2011-01-24
- I once killed an Italian man in a duel after he accused me of not understanding Dante. #