- RT @robdelaney: Just saw a cute little boy eating a HUGE cookie! I taught him a lesson about loss that I know he'll appreciate one day. #
Twitter: 2010-08-09
Yankee Stadium
Good seats! Be alert for bats and/or balls!
My wife sent this next one from her phone with a note: “May be last picture for tonight. Can you tell from casey face.” The game hadn’t started yet!
Hello from Times Square
Regrets of the Dying
- I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
- I wish I didn’t work so hard.
- I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
- I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Stat of the Day
Nearly 60% of the teenage readers of an online men’s magazine say they would punch a coworker in the face if they could get away with it, and nearly 40% would do the same to their bosses. The magazine, AskMen.com, says the number of positive responses to those statements declines steadily with respondents’ age, dropping to about 20% for readers 50 and older.
Twitter: 2010-08-08
- RT @serafinowicz: Jet Li has a Russian cousin, Jet Ski. #
- RT @Jesus_M_Christ: #liesitoldmyparents Sure, Mom. "Immaculate." I believe you. #
- Sun over yardarm. Switching from iced tea to Wild Turkey. #
Twitter: 2010-08-07
- RT @eddiepepitone: stay away from people who say- 1) I can do 5 years in the big house standing on my head. 2) Let's pray together. #
My Family Went to NYU
. . . and all I got was this photo of a T-shirt.
The Man With Two Hats
At the doctor’s office this afternoon, there was a man about 70 years old in the waiting room wearing a Peterbilt cap and holding a similar cap in his hands.
Later I asked the nurse why the guy needed two caps.
“He left his cap here on his last appointment,” she said. “We gave it back to him today so now he has two.”
“Oh that makes sense,” I said. “I was thinking it was maybe a symptom of whatever it is he’s being treated for.”
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Pregnant women I’ve never heard of
General rule: If you’re pregnant and I’m not the father, I don’t need to be informed. Couldn’t care less.
Melissa Rycroft? Lily Allen? Who the hell are these people?
Introductions
Twitter: 2010-08-06
- RT @Jesus_M_Christ: When you see my face on a tortilla or a grilled cheese sandwich that means it’s my lunch, leave it alone. #
Comparing Hands
My son comes home from playing basketball, holds his hand up in front of me and says, “Let me see your fingers.”
I don’t know what he’s up to here but I put my palm against his palm and we compare fingers. They’re about the same. Mine are maybe a little longer.
“HA!” he says. “It’s your fault I can’t dunk! Bad genetics! I can get over the rim but the ball comes out of my hand because I can’t palm it.”
“Hmmm,” I say. “I could palm a basketball easily when I was your age so your theory doesn’t really stand up to scrutiny.”
“Could you dunk?” he asks.
“I’m still working on that. I hate to admit it but I don’t think it’s going to happen for me.”
A Trip to the Vet
The vet asks my owner if my appetite is normal.
“He’s hungry every second,” he says. “Is that normal?”
For a pug it is!
Now the vet is telling him how much our visit today is going to cost.
“Whoa, sticker shock,” he says. “How much would it cost to just put him down?”
WHAT?!?!
“Kidding,” he says.
HEY THAT IS NOT FUNNY!!!
— Lightning 
Losing Pitchers
Twitter: 2010-08-05
- RT @eddiepepitone: If everyone would just relax about death, love, finances and their legacy maybe we could enjoy a day or two. #
- RT @eddiepepitone: I have a message for all the murderers, thieves and other scum on twitter: please follow me. #
- Spent 15 minutes looking for my car in a parking lot before remembering I've got a loaner car today 🙁 #
Happy Shark Week
Originally uploaded by wombatarama
Here’s a Strange Fact
Prop 8 was approved by a majority of California voters, it was overturned today, and yet I haven’t heard one person say that they’re anything but happy about it.
I think a lot of people are not comfortable with the idea of same-sex marriage but would rather not say so outside the privacy of the ballot box for fear of being labelled by loving, inclusive Prop 8 supporters as hateful, bigoted, hypocritical assholes who should all go burn in hell . . .
Twitter: 2010-08-04
- RT @WhitneyCummings: Read that NyQuil lessens the effectiveness of birth control pills. The 2 pills I need to have sex don't work together?! #
Driving Tests
My kid is taking his driving test today and he wants to take it in my car, so I’m driving my wife’s car to work.
Her car is more upscale than mine. It has features like Average Speed displayed on the dashboard.
What I can’t figure out is why the Average Speed is always 24 MPH.
It was 24 MPH when I left the house . . . I’m almost at work and it’s still 24 MPH.
I wonder if there’s some way to reset that. Maybe if I press this MODE button here on the steering wheel . . .
HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
Having your car radio suddenly come on full blast — which is what happened when I pressed the MODE button — is like someone jumping out of hiding and screaming at you. It’s alarming and you can’t recover from it right away.
Later, when I got home from work, I asked the boy, “How was the driving test?”
“Gotta go,” he said, as he brushed past me and out the door.
So I guess he passed it . . .