[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbnJo88kuP8]
Twitter: 2009-10-16
It’s Payday!
When the guy comes by my office with my pay envelope, I raise my hand and say, “No thanks. The work is its own reward.”
“You’ve said that before,” he says.
“Doesn’t it get funnier every time I say it?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
I Hate Notre Dame
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!
I’m excited because this week is USC vs. Notre Dame, the greatest intersectional rivalry in college football!
I love USC because my owner went to USC. Hooray! I hate Notre Dame. Grrrrrrrrr!
Do you know what I do when Notre Dame beats USC? Neither do I because I’m only six years old.
— Lightning 
Twitter: 2009-10-15
Somebody Stop Me!
I went to Subway for lunch and ordered my sandwich in an Australian accent: “LEH-us, to-MAH-to . . .”
Good times!
The Basics of Humor
My wife and my dog both have birthdays later this month . . .
“I was just thinking,” I say to my wife, “doesn’t Lightning have a birthday coming up?”
(Waiting for reaction . . . waiting . . . )
“That was very basic,” she says.
Passive-Aggressive Responses
I’ve got a manager’s meeting later this morning to address the question “What is the impact of passive-aggressive team members?”
Possible responses:
- “How should I know?”
- “Why am I always the first person called on? This is so unfair.”
- Roll eyes and sigh loudly.
- Show up late for the meeting and avoid eye contact with anyone.
Pug Photos on Flickr
Originally uploaded by pugphotos
Originally uploaded by wombatarama
Ups and Downs
Twitter: 2009-10-12
- Obama fails to win Nobel prize in economics – MarketWatch – http://bit.ly/ARd8m #
Just Trying to Learn
I’m not trying to have a career, I’m not trying to be rich, I’m just trying to learn.
Bottom Story of the Day
Director Polanski feels depressed in jail: lawyer
Obama Fails to Win Nobel Prize in Economics
LONDON (MarketWatch) — In a decision as shocking as Friday’s surprise peace prize win, President Obama failed to win the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences Monday.
While few observers think Obama has done anything for world peace in the nearly nine months he’s been in office, the same clearly can’t be said for economics.
The president has worked tirelessly since even before his inauguration to wrest control of the U.S. economy from failed free markets, and the evil CEOs who profit from them, and to turn it over to wise, fair and benevolent bureaucrats.
From his $787 billion stimulus package, to the cap-and-trade bill, to the seizures of General Motors and Chrysler, to the undead health-care “reform” act, Obama has dominated the U.S., and therefore the global, economy as few figures have in recent years.
Yet the Nobel panel chose instead to award the prize to two obscure academics . . .
My Advice
Learn all the tricks you can while you’re young . . .
— Lightning
Give Blood Play Hockey Charity Tournament
My son’s team won the tournament, my wife gave blood, and I bought 3 snickerdoodle cookies for $5 at the charity booth and ate them.
All in all, a triumphant day for the whole family . . .
Disease and Injury
The Backstreet Boys have been forced to cancel their New York City promotional tour because member Brian Littrell has been diagnosed with the swine flu. The other three members — Nick Carter, Howie Dorough and AJ McLean — have seen a doctor and are not showing any symptoms.
Disease and injury seem to be the only ways to put a stop to these played-out musical acts. Evidently no one ever wakes up one morning and realizes that they’re just too old for this shit . . .
Give a Man a Fish
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. And keep giving him fish until he’s used to the taste. Then he’ll have no excuse to not reciprocate.
I Have a New Motto
I just wanted to tell everyone that I have a new motto! Instead of “Nothing is Inevitable,” I changed it to “Nothing is Inedible.”
Bone appétit!
— Lightning
Twitter: 2009-10-08
- Bentham vs. Hume – http://bit.ly/1OxVQL #