So funny! — Lightning 
Getting Pissed Off
My son tells me that when he has a hockey game, he’s now going to start getting pissed off as soon as we leave the house so he’s in the right frame of mind for the game.
I can’t see how being pissed off is going to help anyone play better, but I think he’s sort of kidding.
Anyway, we’re leaving for the rink . . . his mom made him a bowl of beans and rice to eat on the drive over.
He takes one bite and says, “This meal SUCKS!”
“Is this part of your new ‘get pissed off’ strategy?” I ask him.
“The rice is SOGGY!”
His phone buzzes.
“Who is sending me a friggin’ TEXT message?”
Need a Boost?
We’re wordsmithing a confirmation email that we send out to new members of our association.
One problem I have with it is that we talk about our mission being to “enhance the quality of nursing care” and then in the next sentence we talk about members receiving “enhanced benefits.”
Do we need to use “enhance” in every sentence? What’s the difference between “benefits” and “enhanced benefits”? Maybe we could just say “benefits” and leave it at that.
No, our customer care analyst says we really do offer “enhanced benefits” above and beyond the usual benefits, so we need a synonym for “enhance” if we don’t want to use it twice.
I’m thinking we could say “improve the quality of nursing care” or we could say “boost the quality of nursing care.”
“Improve” is clearly better but I just love the sound of the word “boost.”
They’re not booing, they’re saying “boooooooooost the quality of nursing care.”
Dream On
Rated M for Mature
My son and I are watching a TV commercial for the Resident Evil 5 video game.
“Rated M for Mature,” the commercial says.
“Is anyone who plays video games really ‘mature,'” I ask, using finger quotes to emphasize “mature.”
No reaction from the boy, a video game player himself.
“You see what I mean?” I ask him.
“No,” he says.
Fight On!
USC Spring Football
I like this photo. USC spring football with the downtown L.A. skyline in the background.
NARCh Qualifier
My son’s roller hockey team is playing in the NARCh qualifier in Irvine this weekend: one round-robin game tonight @ 10:10, one round-robin game tomorrow night @ 11:40, then the teams get seeded for single-elimination play on Sunday . . .
Katie Couric Eating a Tuna Sandwich
Katie Couric talks about Twitter:
I don’t think anybody gives a rat’s ass whether I am about to eat a tuna sandwich. I don’t even care. Some of it is so inane and narcissistic and bizarre I don’t quite get it. I don’t know why anyone would want to read it, much less why I would want to write it.
Unless “tuna sandwich” is a code phrase for “vagina.” In that case, I’d be very interested to read about Katie Couric eating a tuna sandwich . . .
Microblog: 2009-04-23
- The cat doesn’t get fed until the dog goes outside: http://twurl.nl/fi6y33 #
The Bumstead Maneuver
On weekends, I’m the king of the sofa at my house. Let me tell you, there’s lazy, and then there’s Sofa King lazy, and I’m the latter.
I nap in one of two positions: facing the front of the sofa or on my back.
Lately I’ve been thinking about adding a new weapon to my arsenal — the Bumstead Maneuver, as popularized by Dagwood Bumstead.
You can see from the illustration that Bumstead is actually taking a nap facing the back of the sofa!
Blogging experts recommend posing a question in your posts, in order to artificially engage the readership, so here goes . . .
Does anyone have any thoughts, pro or con, on adding the Bumstead Maneuver to my repertoire?
Microblog: 2009-04-22
- Why does Obama smile at dictators? http://twurl.nl/rzqd10 #
- More people I’m sick unto death of: Users of the phrase “spot on” #
The Giving Tree
From the weekly Northwood High School bulletin:
Do you like reading? Do you like children? Do you like children but not reading? Or reading but not children?
Come to the Giving Tree meetings every Monday in Mr. Emery’s room 1103.
Overheard
Microblog: 2009-04-21
- RT @diablocody: Specifically, porny ’70s-inspired one-pieces are in. Or “maillots,” if you will: http://store.americanapparel.net/rnt44.html #
- USC Song Girls Swim with Mike: http://www.bustedcoverage.com/?p=13898 #
- RT @NoReinsGirl @internetcases: Dear CIA: I’m an American citizen, & U have my permission 2 waterboard terrorists as many times as U want 2. #
My Kid Gets a New Nickname
The counselor also stressed that colleges are looking for well-rounded kids, not just academic standouts.
“If you’re talking about well-rounded kids, you’re talking about Casey,” I said. “He’s like a sphere, that’s how well-rounded he is.”
“That can be his new nickname,” she said. “Sphere.”
“I like it!”
Microblog: 2009-04-20
- Carrie Fisher on her core audience: Alcoholics, addicts, gay (both sexes), mentally ill & people named Erica – http://twurl.nl/hvswww #
- You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like. #
- Temps are soaring in the OC. Treated myself to an ice-cold lemonade at lunch… #
- @NoReinsGirl That’s why I stockpile rum, coke and ice. Emergency preparedness! in reply to NoReinsGirl #
The Best Counselor Ever
We were at Northwood High today for an academic planning session with my son and his counselor.
One of the things the counselor went over in the college prep handbook was a section on interview tips.
“At a private school like USC,” she told the boy, “you can schedule an interview with them if you think that will help your candidacy.”
“UCLA won’t let you do that,” I added. “They don’t want to talk to you.” I went through the application process at both schools so I know all about it.
“None of the UC schools will do an interview with you,” she said.
“It’s very impersonal,” I said, “like if the DMV ran a university.”
“It’s worse. At the DMV, eventually you’ll get to talk to someone.”
“By the way,” I said, pointing to a “Joey Ramone, 1951-2001” poster on the wall, “do you think Joey Ramone is a good role model for the kids?”
“I like him,” she said, “and it’s my office.”
“You’re the best counselor ever,” I said.
Metacognitive
My son’s got an assignment to write a “metacognitive” for English — basically a short essay describing the thought process he went through in writing a longer essay.
“Let me know if you need any help,” I say. “You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like.”
Core Audience
Carrie Fisher on her core audience:
Alcoholics, addicts, gay (both sexes), mentally ill & people named Erica……