Check Your Facts
It’s 7 p.m. and my son’s ready to make a deal . . .
“If I study for an hour,” he says, “can I go play basketball at 8?”
His mom is skeptical. “You just played Xbox for five hours,” she says.
He shakes his head vehemently. “Four-and-a-half hours,” he says.
Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc
I Wonder
The dizziest woman in the office just used the word “congruence” in a sentence — correctly.
Have I underestimated her?
Stand By Me
http://playingforchange.com – From the award-winning documentary, “Playing For Change: Peace Through Music”, comes the first of many “songs around the world” being released independently. Featured is a cover of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. This video and “Don’t Worry” are available at iTunes while other songs such as “One Love” will be released as digital downloads soon; followed by the film soundtrack and DVD in stores on 4.21.09.
Sign up at www.playingforchange.com for updates and exclusive content.
Join the Movement to help build schools, connect students, and inspire communities in need through music.
Thomas Jefferson: Obama Not Up to the Task?
Obama still has the approval of the people, but the establishment is beginning to mumble that the president may not have what it takes.
Gee — do you really think so? What was your first clue? The loud noise of nest eggs being crushed all over America every time he opens his mouth?
President of the United States is not a job for a dilettante three years out of the Illinois state senate. Before I was elected president, I served as governor of Virginia, minister to France, secretary of state under George Washington and vice president under John Adams.
I also wrote the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom and, in my younger years, at age 33, a little something called the Declaration of Independence.
President Obama’s accomplishments? I’ll step aside and let one of his supporters enumerate them:
Albert Schweitzer was a Bore
An optimist sees a green light everywhere; a pessimist sees only the red light. The truly wise person is colorblind.
A true optimist is a man who can look in a toilet bowl and see only corn.
Could Not Be More Serious
The situation could not be more serious. It is inexcusable and irresponsible for any of us to get bogged down in distraction, delay or politics as usual while millions of Americans are being put out of work.
LOOK, IT’S BRAD PITT! OMG!!!
Teaching Coding to Kids
Don’t Go Hiking in a Sewer
In the Mirror
There’s a stranger in the house no one will ever see
But everybody says he looks like me.
Who is that sad little gray-haired man standing next to my tall, handsome boy?
That Eastern Conference is Pathetic
To give you an idea of how pathetic the NBA’s Eastern Conference is this season, The Cavs and the Celtics have both clinched playoff spots!
I know what you’re thinking: Wasn’t the All-Star Game just last weekend?
Cleveland still has 22 games left to play. They could lose all of them — a 22-game losing streak — and still make the playoffs . . .
Horton Foote, 1916-2009
My first memory was of stories about the past — a past that, according to the storytellers, was superior in every way to the life then being lived. It didn’t take me long, however, to understand that the present was all we had, for the past was gone and nothing could be done about it.
Stimulus Bill is Creating Jobs
A friend works at a wind energy company. I asked him if he was getting his share of the money from our new planned economy. His response: “We are stimulated! There is some good stuff in there for renewable. We may need to open a DC office just to chase the $$.”
As long as we think that we can grow GDP by having an ever-larger proportion of our best citizens working as full-time lobbyists, it would seem that the stimulus bill is working as advertised.
Americans are Mathematically Illiterate
If anyone ever told you there’s no reason to learn math in school, they are absolutely right!
Americans are so mathematically illiterate that you’re better off learning to speak Klingon if you want anyone to understand you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve walked through a mathematical demonstration of some concept and gotten back a reply like “Well I don’t see any reason why . . .” or “Let’s have a meeting to discuss that.”
God, it’s painful.
If you’re still in school, don’t bother learning any more math than you absolutely have to. It’ll just come back to haunt you.
Obama the Entertainer
The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped by 300 points to end below the 6800 mark for the first time in nearly 12 years, as a broad-based selloff seized the markets, sending shares lower in every sector. The S&P 500 briefly dropped below 700 for the first time since October 1996 before ending just at that level amid across-the-board declines, including drops of more than 6% in basic materials, energy, financial and industrial sectors. The Nasdaq Composite Index fell 4%.
Outside the Lines
It’s the last high school roller hockey game of the regular season.
One of the kids’ dads shows up for the first time and asks questions like, “Do they win most of their games?”
Do they win most of their games?! Are you kidding?! You should know that. Even if you don’t come to the games, you could ask your kid when he gets home.
Another dad has a great answer. “Come over here,” he says. “I want to introduce you to your son.”
Over on the moms’ side of the bleachers, they’re talking about financial matters. One woman is sad because they bought their house at the peak of the market and they’re financially stuck in it for the foreseeable future.
Another woman almost cries describing how 14 years of contributions to her husband’s 401k have been totally wiped out.
Meanwhile on the rink, Northwood dominates Capo Valley pretty much as expected . . .
At the Starbucks Drive-Thru
“Welcome to Starbucks. My name is Sam. Would you like to try an apple [something something]?”
I couldn’t understand what he said. “A what?” I asked.
“An apple chai [something].”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Can you say it one more time? I didn’t get the last part.”
“Apple … chai … infusion.”
“I’ll have a venti iced latte.”
“OK. That’s almost as good.”
The poor guy really had his heart set on serving me an apple chai infusion . . .
¡Las Pugs Enmascaradas!
THIS IS THW MOST INSANE THING IV EVER SEEN! IM LAIUGHTING SOHARD I CANR EVEN TYPE1
LOL!!!
— Lightning 
James D. Watson Bobblehead, R.I.P.
The last place I worked, I kept my James D. Watson bobblehead on a cubicle divider, next to a SpongeBob bobblehead that belonged to a colleague.
Everyone who saw these two guys recognized SpongeBob, but not one person ever recognized James D. Watson.
I mean, they knew it was someone named James D. Watson because his name is right there on the base, but despite the fact that he’s holding a double helix structure, nobody recognized him as James D. Watson, Nobel Laureate and co-discoverer of the structure of the DNA molecule.
(Ironically, one of the main reasons I got into software development was the opportunity to work with smart, educated people.)
I brought Watson with me to the place I work now, but unfortunately I accidentally knocked him off a credenza one morning and his head broke off. I tried a couple of times to glue it back on but it didn’t take. So I had to throw him away.
The real James D. Watson is actually still alive at age 80.