Things That Pop Up and Poke You in the Eye

 

We’re discussing whether our organization will use a popup user survey on our web site . . .

Tired of Pop-ups like this one?

“I propose doing the survey without the popups,” I say. “That’s why browsers have popup blockers, because people don’t like popups. A popup is like a poke in the eye. I don’t like it when things pop up unexpectedly and poke me in the eye. Whenever that happens, I make sure not to go back to that place anymore.”

Unfortunately, no one picks up on the “popped up and poked me in the eye” motif because I was then going to chide them for their junior high school mentality.

“I had a teacher who used to say that,” a young woman says. “‘It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.'”

I say, “I used to work with a guy who said, ‘You can’t beat that with a sharp stick.’ Why would the stick have to be sharp if you’re going to beat someone with it? You’re really just looking for something with a little heft to it.”

The same woman says, “I had a boyfriend who used to say, ‘You’re not going to hold that over my shoulder, are you?'”

“You have abysmal taste in men.”

 

I wasn’t able to persuade the team to abandon the popups. The argument in favor was that a lot of web sites use popup surveys so how bad can they be?

I worked for a dot-com consulting company during the boom and bust of that industry. The whole thing was based on the notion that everyone else is doing it so it must be a good idea.

The subsequent implosion of the entire industry disproved that theory rather dramatically.

Since then, I try to stay open to the possibility that even though a lot of people are doing something, it still may not be a good idea . . .

Thus spoke The Programmer.

Semester Break

 
School

My wife is telling me that because Northwood finals are over today — Thursday — the boy now has a four-day weekend.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I say. It kind of makes sense to have Friday off, but why Monday?

“It’s semester break,” the boy says.

“Semester break?!

“That’s right. It’s like the off season.”

The off season . . . it’s so ridiculous I have to laugh.

“Isn’t it nice you have a funny family?” my wife says.

“It’s like the all-star break,” the boy says.

I Don’t Want to Die

 

When Zen masters die we like to think they will say something very inspiring as they are about to bite the Big Emptiness, something like “Hi-ho Silver!” or “Remember to wake up” or “Life is everlasting.” Right before Suzuki Roshi’s death, Katagiri Roshi, an old friend, visited him. Katagiri stood by the bedside; Suzuki looked up and said, “I don’t want to die.”

— Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

Hockey Moms on the Road

 

My 15-year-old son and I were at the Embassy Suites happy hour having drinks (me) and snacks (him) with some of the other hockey parents and kids.

One of the hockey moms was a really-hot-for-a-45-year-old redhead whose son plays for another team.

“I haven’t seen your son in a while,” she whispered to me. “He looks so different.”

“Yeah, he’s a lot taller,” I said.

“Not just taller. He’s a gorgeous young man.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

She spent the next hour chatting him up, asking him about features on her iPhone, and so on . . .

“Because she was drunk,” the boy said later.

She was kinda drunk, but that wasn’t the only thing going on. Her husband was sitting a couple of chairs away the whole time, surfing the web on his Blackberry, and never even looked in her direction.

 

I was talking to my son’s hockey coach between games when a hockey mom he knows and I don’t walked between us and hugged him.

“Excuse me,” I said. “We’re trying to have a conversation here.”

Then she turned around and hugged me. She smelled nice.

“You smell nice,” I said. “What is that?”

“Obsession,” she said.

She was wearing a lot of it. I could still smell it on my clothes two hours later . . .

Winternationals – Day 3

 

The Devil Dogs lost to the Quakes 1-0 in the semifinals.

It was a great game all the way. The Quakes goalie made three or four unbelievable saves, including one in the last minute where a shot deflected off someone’s stick or skate right into his glove, instead of three inches higher and into the net.

We’re going to check out now, save an extra night at the hotel, and head for home . . .

Update: The Quakes beat the West Coast Warriors, a British Columbia team, 3-1 in the final.

Winternationals – Day 2

 

Round robin games are over. The Devil Dogs — my son’s team — are in the Bantam Gold semifinals tomorrow morning. If they win, they’ll play in the finals at 1 p.m.

Unfortunately, they’re playing the Silicon Valley Quakes Black, the only team that beat them in the round robin.

You’d have to say that the Quakes are the better team. They’re faster and they attack every second — even on defense. The Devil Dogs weren’t ready for them in the round robin game. They fell behind 3-0, but came back to lose by only 4-3.

If the teams played 10 times, the Quakes would probably win 7 of them — but the Dogs still have a chance in a one-game do-or-die.

I Mentored Someone Today

 

One of the analysts in my group has an office across the hall from our department conference room . . .

Today he says, “There was a training class in there yesterday and they didn’t close the door. All the noise was coming right into my office.”

I say, “Couldn’t you walk over and say, ‘Do you mind if I close the door?'”

“Hmmm, I guess I could have done that.”

True story! — the problem was beyond his analytical powers.

I love my job but it’s not without its challenges . . .

What You Don’t Say

 

I just got an email from a co-worker with a wedding picture attached . . .

Thanks for the picture, I wrote back. I’ve never seen a happier-looking bride, except my wife of course.

She replied, That’s for sure…I really couldn’t of been happier for that moment…

What I didn’t say: You’ll never be that young again. You’ll never be that beautiful again. You’ll never be that happy again . . .

EppsNet Movie Reviews: Slumdog Millionaire

 
Slumdog Millionaire ticket stub

Good story, good music, brilliant editing and cinematography.

One of the things I don’t like about movies is that conflict, even in feel-good movies about love and destiny, is too often resolved with violence, whereas much of the dramatic tension in real life stems from the number of people you’d like to physically assault but can’t.

Rating: Four stars (out of five).

The Learn’d Astronomer

 

When I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

— Walt Whitman
Walt Whitman

My son has an assignment to read this poem and answer some questions about what Whitman was trying to say.

The academic answer is that he was exploring the tension between romanticism and science in the late 19th century, and acknowledging sadly, based on “much applause in the lecture-room,” that the romantic worldview was dying out.

But just between you and me, he was also saying that overanalyzing things like stars and poems makes them boring . . .

EppsNet Interview Tips

 

Willingness

I been warped by the rain, driven by the snow
I’m drunk and dirty don’t ya know, and I’m still willin’

— Little Feat, “Willin'”

If you’re a genius like Mozart and you’ve got a 1000 IQ in music or whatever your specialty is, then you can distinguish yourself by doing things that other people are simply not capable of doing.

Mozart

Lucky you!

On the other hand, if you’re a person of moderate intelligence like me, you’re going to have to distinguish yourself by doing more than other people are willing to do — not more than they’re capable of doing, but more than they’re willing to do.

We were interviewing candidates this week for a web editor position. One of the candidates brought in some mockups he had made to illustrate how we could incorporate social networking elements into our web site.

Were the ideas groundbreaking in any respect? No. Could the other candidates have done the same thing? Probably, if they’d been willing to put in the effort.

But they didn’t.

I have to assume that you’ll approach the job the same way you approach the interview. Are you willing to do more than what’s absolutely required?

Wrong hat!

Preparation

If you want to pull a rabbit out of your hat at the interview, first you’ve got to put a rabbit in your hat.

In fact, you may want to put 10 rabbits in your hat and be ready to pull out whichever one you need.

At the very least, you must be absolutely prepared to answer the question, “What makes you the best person for the job?”

Even if that question is never explicitly asked, everything you say and do must be targeted at answering it.

Put together a list of the unique contributions you’ll make to the job and the company. Brush up on a few stories that show you at your best in the workplace.

In politics, these are called “talking points.” Politicians don’t try to think up answers on the fly to every question someone throws at them. They have a prepared list of points to make, no matter what you ask them.

So do you!

Presentation Zen

 
Brevity

Originally uploaded by Zach Graham.

I was watching a webinar this morning and like a lot of presentations, this one had way too many words on the slides.

They weren’t as bad as this but you get the idea.

This approach is lazy, it’s insulting to the audience, and it makes everyone stupider.

For anyone who aspires to do better, the best site I know of on presentations is Presentation Zen.

Here are some sample slides for inspiration.

Bonus link: The Gettysburg PowerPoint Presentation

The Alfa Romeo Sloth

 

This is an Italian Alfa Romeo commercial.

To look at it, you wouldn’t know it’s a car commercial because there’s no car in it, but in Italy there’s a series of these Alfa Romeo sloth commercials. The running gag is that the sloth is a lethargic, slow-moving creature — until he gets in his Alfa Romeo — but this one’s a little different, in a mesmerizing WTF kind of way . . .