More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of

 

Serial Entrepreneur — I hope there’s a special place in hell for people who refer to themselves as “serial entrepreneurs.” What the heck is the difference between an entrepreneur and a serial entrepreneur? I suppose Bill Gates is an entrepreneur and e.e. cummings’ Uncle Sol was a serial entrepreneur — farmer, chicken farmer, skunk farmer, worm farmer.

 

Length — For some reason, people who talk about basketball now describe players as having “great length.” Nobody says, “He’s very tall.” They say, “He’s got great length.”

News flash: People don’t have length. They have height. They even have width. But they don’t have length — except at birth and shortly thereafter, when we measure them lying down because they can’t stand up yet.

Describing a basketball player as having “great length” is as uninformative as saying, “He’s a tall black guy with long arms.”

Hockey Practice

 

I was watching my son’s roller hockey practice last weekend . . . during a scrimmage, he skated the puck up the rink, faked the goalie to the right, then snapped a shot into the top left corner of the net.

“Oh my gosh!” I yelled to anyone within earshot. “Just like I taught him!”

A few minutes later, he got a pass in front of the net and one-timed it so high and hard that if not for the protective netting around the top of the rink, I don’t know where it would have come down.

“I didn’t teach him that,” I said.

Go Ask Alice

 

One pill makes you larger . . .

A musclehead co-worker is talking to someone on the phone about nutritional supplements:

“It changes the metabolism of the . . . en-DOC-rine? . . . EN-do-CREEN? . . . system, so it releases more testosterone.”

Yeah, you should definitely take some of that. A product that claims to alter the function of bodily organs you can’t even pronounce. What could possibly go wrong?

In fact, you should go to the vitamin store right now and just gobble up everything they’ve got.

Did you ever read Alice in Wonderland? She finds a cake that says EAT ME so she eats it. Next thing you know she’s nine feet tall. Draw your own parallels . . .

Asian Gang Activities

 

A co-worker informs me that a Santa Ana elementary school teacher has been charged with child endangerment for keeping a gun in her classroom.

“Well, that’s Santa Ana,” I say. “What do you expect from people? Not a day goes by that you can’t pick up the Orange County Register and read about a gang-related slaying in Santa Ana. If I were a teacher in Santa Ana, you best believe I’d be packing heat too. Thank god this kind of thing doesn’t happen in Irvine where I live.”

“There are Asian gangs in Irvine.”

“Asian gangs in Irvine?! What a racist you are. I’ve lived in Irvine for seven years and I’ve never seen or heard of any Asian gang activity. Unless studying for AP exams counts as a gang activity. Blowing their brains out with mathematical formulas . . .”

He Didn’t Go Crazy

 

JACKSON, Mississippi (AP) — Paul Davis, a singer and songwriter whose soft rock hit “I Go Crazy” stayed on the charts for months after its release in 1977, died Tuesday. He was 60.

CNN.com

That’s disappointing.

Not the fact that he died, because who cares, really, but the fact that he didn’t actually go crazy and kill himself in some bizarre fashion . . .

Cool Gadgets You Can’t Get

 

His mom and I are trying to get the boy to log off the computer and go to bed.

“Hang on,” he says, “I’m looking at a PC World thing.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“’10 Cool Gadgets You Can’t Get in the U.S.'”

“If you can’t get them in the U.S., what do you care?”

“They’re cool. Don’t forget about that part.”

His mom is running out of patience. “Oh, am I steaming,” she says.

The boy’s still looking at the computer.

“Mmmm . . . cool,” he says.

EppsNet Book Review: The Elegant Solution

 
The Elegant Solution

Unreadable . . . unbelievably bad. Ironically, for a book about innovation, the concepts are trite and the prose consists of one lazy cliche after another.

Watch — I’m going to open the book to a random page and list the cliches: “secret sauce,” “blow the doors off,” “boil the ocean,” “where the action is,” “ivory tower,” “marching instructions.”

The book is an insult to the intelligence of anyone who might conceivably want to read it.

Embedding YouTube Videos in Valid Web Pages

 

One thing I learned from this post is that YouTube’s recommended method for embedding videos in web pages will prevent your page from validating:

<object width="425" height="355">
  <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xRCWnfMAmqE"></param>
  <param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param>
  
</object>

The <embed> element is Netscape’s method of embedding plugins and players in web pages. It’s not part of the XHTML specification.

If you care about this kind of thing, you can use the markup below instead. It’s simpler, it validates, and it works (I tested it) in IE, Firefox, Safari and Opera.

<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" style="width:425px; height:355px;" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/xRCWnfMAmqE">
  <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xRCWnfMAmqE" />
</object> 

California Enacts a Cell Phone Law

 

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed legislation that prohibits the use of handheld mobile phones while driving in the state.

Effective July 1, 2008, the legislation prohibits drivers from using a wireless telephone while operating a motor vehicle unless the driver uses a hands-free device. Drivers who violate the law will face a base fine of $20 for a first offense and $50 for each subsequent offense.

I can’t talk on my cell phone while I’m driving?

What a dopey law!

Can I still eat a chili dog while I’m driving? Can I drink a beverage? Can I try to find my favorite song on the CD player? Can I perform any number of activities that require the use of at least one hand and are at least as distracting as a phone call?

Has anyone else noticed that we have too many laws? And that every new one takes away one more precious freedom or one more hard-earned dollar, usually for no good reason?