Blast from the Past

 

After winning 11 state primaries in a field of 16 contenders, I won the Democratic presidential nomination. I then lost the general election to President Nixon. Indeed, the entrenched incumbent president, with a campaign budget 10 times the size of mine, the power of the White House behind him and a highly negative and unethical campaign, defeated me overwhelmingly. But lest [Dick] Cheney has forgotten, a few months after the election, investigations by the Senate and an impeachment proceeding in the House forced Nixon to become the only president in American history to resign the presidency in disgrace.

Who was the real loser of ’72?

 

Wow, that is a provocative question. It really made us wonder if we’ve been wrong all these years. Accordingly, we went back and checked. Turns out the real loser was McGovern, just as we had thought!

They Were Not Violent or Crazy

 

Here’s an offbeat local item as reported in the Orange County Register:

Joni and Kevin Park

Kevin and Joni Park were shot and killed in an oceanfront bungalow at the Montage [a Laguna Beach hotel where bungalows start at $2,200 a night] on Sunday where they had checked in with a semiautomatic handgun and a bag of extra ammunition.

The Parks were killed in a confrontation with police after officers were summoned to the hotel at 7:40 a.m. by several 911 callers, who reported a naked, “crazy woman” with a gun who was threatening them in Treasure Island Park, at the southern end of the five-star resort.

Mrs. Park appears to be naked in the accompanying photo as well. Was she a nudist? The Register is silent on this point.

One of the Parks’ neighbors says that “they were not violent or crazy.”

No, they were not violent or crazy. I ask you: who doesn’t enjoy an occasional weekend getaway at a five-star resort, running naked through the lush green lawns, and threatening the patrons with a loaded handgun?

He Doesn’t Know Either

 

The neighbors next door have twin toddlers and these kids look exactly alike.

Yesterday, they were in the front yard with Grandpa when I drove up so I asked him, “How do you tell these boys apart? Help me out with that.”

He pointed to one boy and said, “This one has a red shirt, and this one” — pointing to the other boy — “has a green shirt.”

Strahan’s Wife Has Garage Sale With His Stuff

 

Oh, this is rich . . .

Michael Strahan‘s ex-wife held a garage sale on Saturday. How often do you see a garage sale outside a $3.6 million mansion?

Among the items on sale was a set of cassette tapes on how to make relationships succeed.

One diehard Giants fan walked away with two television sets for the bargain price of $100.

“I get to cheer for Mike on his TV,” he said.

Not the Way Ward Cleaver Would Have Handled It

 

Ireland Baldwin is very lucky to have a dad like Alec Baldwin who can “straighten her ass out on issues” on a regular basis. He can even fly to wherever she is to straighten her out in person!

It’s what he does!

The rest of us only have Alec Baldwin to straighten us out on issues on an irregular, ad hoc basis.

[UPDATE: A family law judge was so alarmed after hearing Baldwin’s phone message that she has barred him from having any contact with his child pending a May 4 hearing, so he will be limited to long-distance ass-straightening, er, parenting, at least temporarily.]

Parents get what they deserve from their kids. It’s not easy to snuff out the natural affection that a child has for a parent, but if you perservere, you can do it!

UPDATE: Alec Baldwin Calls Dora the Explorer

A Well-Regulated Militia

 

“People don’t stop killers,” writes the Instapundit. “People with guns do.”

The idea is that if one of the Virginia Tech students had had a gun with him, he could have come to the rescue like Dick Dauntless, and shot the Korean.

Well that’s true. But what if 300 students had guns, and they were all on the look-out for a student with a gun? I’m failing to see the genius of this plan, though no doubt I’ve overlooked something obvious.

I wish I’d thought of that.

I was just going to say that if you base public policy decisions on extreme, unrepresentative events, you may wind up with a cure that’s worse than the disease . . .

Cancer is Racist

 

From an American Cancer Society email:

While minorities have made great social strides in the United States in recent decades, many still experience disproportionately higher incidences of disease — especially cancer. The American Cancer Society is working to eliminate cancer disparities among minority populations and the medically underserved, a fact underscored by National Multicultural Cancer Awareness Week, which is April 15-21, 2007.

Sounds like more white people need to get cancer . . .

Online Map Shootout

 

The competitors: Windows Live Search, Yahoo! and Google.

Shootout

I was looking at some really nice maps of Washington, DC, last night on Live Search. I’m not totally up to speed on the latest advances in mapping technology, so I wondered if Live Search had totally leapfrogged the competition with this stuff, or if I could do the same thing on the other map sites.

Here’s what I found:

This is the best view I could get of the Jefferson Memorial on Yahoo!

Google is able to zoom in quite a bit closer.

But Live Search can do this!

Thank you, Bill Gates!

The killer feature (obviously) is that Live Search gives you an oblique view into the scene, instead of just a flat, looking-straight-down view. Plus the image resolution is a lot better.

Final Ranking:

  1. Live Search
  2. Google
  3. Yahoo!

Overpromise and Underdeliver

 

I heard one of our salesmen on the phone this morning telling a customer that “we underpromise and overdeliver.”

I understand the strategy, but doesn’t telling a customer that you underpromise and overdeliver neutralize the whole game plan? Haven’t you now promised to overdeliver?

And if you do overdeliver, you haven’t really overdelivered because you promised to overdeliver in the first place . . .

The Geometry of Politics

 

On the heels of my kid’s discovery that his tour group will not be break dancing their way across our nation’s capital, comes another disappointment — his tyrannical math teacher has been added to the list of chaperones.

“She’ll probably say, ‘Oh, Casey, I’m glad you’re here. Why don’t you calculate the volume of the White House?'”

I Have a Dream 2007

 
Washington, DC

My son’s going to Washington, DC, next week with a group from his junior high school. Once there, they’ll hook up with a group from Martin Luther King High School for a 5 day, 4 night Discover DC educational tour.

Despite the name, MLK High School is not a predominantly black school, a big disappointment to my kid, who was looking forward to his travel companions “breaking out the cardboard mats and spinning on their heads.”

I Have a Dream, indeed!

Good News for Meth Addicts

 
OC Weekly

I’m reading the ads on the back page of the current OC Weekly:

DO YOU USE CRYSTAL METH?

Alcohol Related Problems? We Can Help You!

ERASE YOUR CRIMINAL RECORD

I’ve never been a big fan of OC Weekly and now I understand why. It’s written for a target audience of criminals, alcoholics and meth addicts.

Good news though if you are in fact a meth addict: according to the ad, a professor at UCLA is doing a research study and handing out up to $1,075 in gift certificates to qualified participants.

Note that you don’t get the money in cash because you’d probably just go out and spend it on crystal meth . . .

Ritual

 

Well established hierarchies are not easily uprooted;
Closely held beliefs are not easily released;
So ritual enthralls generation after generation.

Harmony does not care for harmony, and so is naturally attained;
But ritual is intent upon harmony, and so can not attain it.

Harmony neither acts nor reasons;
Love acts, but without reason;
Justice acts to serve reason;
But ritual acts to enforce reason.

When the Way is lost, there remains harmony;
When harmony is lost, there remains love;
When love is lost, there remains justice;
But when justice is lost, there remains ritual.

Ritual is the end of compassion and honesty,
The beginning of confusion;
Belief is a colorful hope or fear,
The beginning of folly.

The sage goes by harmony, not by hope;
He dwells in the fruit, not the flower;
He accepts substance, and ignores abstraction.