The Next Best Thing to Being There

 

My wife is talking about the possibility of a Christmastime family trip to Thailand. She’s from Thailand, lived there through college, and still has relatives there.

I’ve never been to Thailand — I hate to travel, for one thing — but our son has been over there with her on a few occasions.

Here’s his reaction, punctuated with frantic screaming:

“AHHHHH! It’s people who can’t speak English in 170-degree heat!”

I don’t think this boy has a future as a travel agent.

“They haven’t seen you in a long time,” my wife tells him.

“Can’t we do a video conference?”

Fear in the Workplace

 

Perhaps most surprising to us has been the degree to which fear appears to be a feature of modern work life. Whenever we talk with others about this work, such as on airplanes with strangers, we get a similar response — “Oh yeah, I can relate to wanting to speak up but biting my tongue.” It’s really a shame how much apparently untapped knowledge there is out there and how much pain and frustration results from this silence. That, too, has been somewhat surprising–that people are genuinely hurt and frustrated about their silence. This suggests that employees aren’t failing to provide ideas or input because they’ve “checked out” and just don’t care, but because of fear.

— “Do I Dare Say Something?,” HBS Working Knowledge

What is happening here? Let’s examine some possibilities:

  1. Some people are afraid to speak up under any circumstances and the workplace has nothing to do with it.
  2. In some workplaces, speaking up is so obviously unsafe or a waste of time that everyone just keeps their yap shut.

Assuming neither of these conditions holds, people make a decision to speak or hold their tongue based on the specific features of the situation, including a calculation of how what they have to say is likely to affect their job security and/or mobility.

People who don’t care about job security or mobility are therefore able to be more fully engaged in their work, ask questions that need to be asked and say things that need to be said.

Hence the old saying that the effective leader must come to work everyday prepared to lose his or her job . . .

Why Asian Girls Like White Guys II

 

As in the previous example, these photos are from the same photoset on Flickr:

IMG_2374.JPG IMG_2354.JPG

What could be worse than being an Asian woman in Asia and having to surrender your mystical Oriental hotness to Asian men? In no other race — white, black, Hispanic — are the women so much better-looking than the men.

Now you might say: What about Indian or Middle Eastern men? Aren’t they uglier than Asian men?

Possibly — but my point is that their women are incredibly ugly as well, so it’s a good match.

My wife’s cousin, also an Asian girl, agrees with my theory, but adds something I hadn’t thought of: Asian guys are also boring, she says, because they’re all the same. They all have the same story, same parents, same college major (engineering or business), same, same, same . . .

LSU 41, Notre Dame 14

 

Brady Quinn and the rest of the Irish seniors wrapped up their college careers by doing what they do best: losing every big game they play, most of them badly. It was the ninth consecutive bowl loss for Notre Dame, setting a new NCAA record for ineptitude.

Thank God they locked up Charlie Weis for 10 years, huh? As recently as last week, Weis was assuring everyone that he plans to be at Notre Dame for the duration. More of a threat than a promise at this point . . .

See Also: How to be a Notre Dame Fan

USC 32, Michigan 18

 

So much for the Wolverines’ “We should have been in the National Championship game” argument.

USC Trojans

Kudos to J.D. Booty (391 yards, 4 TDs), who took a lot of criticism this season, had a mediocre first half, including a fumble, then came back after halftime and took over the game.

I got some delayed gloating from a UCLA grad about denying USC a national championship shot. Let’s keep it simple: either you’re good enough to win a national championship or you’re not. The Trojans lost to Oregon State and UCLA. They weren’t good enough.

Still, it’s better to go to the Rose Bowl and win it than to go to the Emerald Bowl and get your rear ends kicked by the 8th-place ACC team.

And the victory over USC may be a mixed blessing for Bruin fans, who will now likely be stuck with Karl Dorrell for at least one more season.

FIGHT ON!

College Pick ‘Em

 
Football helmet

I was mathematically eliminated from college bowl pick ’em at the office with 13 games left. The leader — an Indian gentleman — is 15-2. I’m 11-6, but there are only three games left where he and I picked a different winner.

At least I’m ahead of the woman who picked the games based on which of the mascots would win in a fight.

If I’d won the thing, I probably wouldn’t mention that I actually let my son pick the games, my only rule being that he had to pick USC in the Rose Bowl . . .

A Venn Diagram of My Holiday Get-Togethers

 
A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.
— George Orwell
Venn diagram

I have relatives like this — people who are either so dishonest or so lacking in self-awareness that all they seem to gain from any experience whatsoever is an inflated sense of their own self-importance.

I also have relatives who can’t remember that they’ve already told you the same story on 10 previous occasions, forcing you to grit your teeth and nod appreciatively for the 11th time.

Then there are the relatives who fall into both of the above categories. These people are hell on earth.

Call Me Kreskin

 

I preface some obvious remark to my son by saying “Call me Kreskin, but . . .”

He jumps in and says, “OK, you’re crazy.”

“I didn’t say ‘Call me crazy,’ I said ‘Call me Kreskin.”

“You’re a kreskin.”

“Kreskin,” I explain, “is a mind-reading guy. He makes predictions about things.”

“Oh . . . then, you’re crazy.”

How Could We Lose to These Idiots?

 
USC Trojans

As I sat in Northwood Pizza last night with my son’s roller hockey team, watching the last few minutes of Florida State’s 44-27 drubbing of UCLA, I was reminded of chess grandmaster Aron Nimzowitsch, who once, after losing a match, climbed on a table and shouted

Why must I lose to this idiot?

FIGHT ON!

Almost Famous

 
Girl on the beach with sunglasses and cell phone

A friend of mine’s 13-year-old daughter will be appearing as an extra in an episode of My Name is Earl airing in a couple of months.

I told my son, also 13, he should try to hook up with her before she gets too famous and the competiton heats up. He just made throat-cutting gestures and gagging noises, as he always does when the subject of the ladies comes up.

Naturally, she’ll dump him as soon as she hits the big time, but that’s okay . . . I’ve got to believe that all these starlets put a lot more into pleasing their boyfriends before they were famous than they do now that a guy is lucky just to be with them in the first place . . .

A Family Secret

 
Christmas presents

“Don’t buy us anything expensive for Christmas this year,” my mom says on the phone. “Save your money.”

I diplomatically omit the fact that every year as the Yuletide approaches, my wife starts rummaging through the closets for things she doesn’t want, then wraps them up and gives them to my parents as Christmas presents.

Useless Junk

 
I had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily . . . and threw them out the window in disgust. — Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Walden Pond

That book made a powerful impression on me. After reading it, I decided that I, like Thoreau, would travel light along the road of life, and stop dragging so much useless junk around with me.

Unfortunately, that was almost 20 years ago and I still haven’t been able to carry it off.

Not yet, anyway.

But I still think the concept is valid . . .

Practices vs. Accomplishments

 

Per our Head of Software Development, IT managers are henceforth being evaluated on the “quality” of their status reports.

A little background on this: We have a weekly conference call during which managers report project status. Every week you the hear the same things over and over: We’re waiting on this. We’re waiting on that. We’re working on requirements. We’re figuring out the architecture. We’re doing the design.

Very rarely does anyone say, “We delivered working software to a customer.”

Even more rarely does anyone say, “We delivered working software to a customer, the customer is using it, and can’t stop raving about how great it is.”

What would be our motivation for evaluating practices rather than accomplishments? When I do projects, I like to be evaluated on one thing: my ability to deliver business value to a customer.

Everything else is waste.

Thus spoke The Programmer.

Oregon Nancy Boys

 
We designed these ourselves!

Before BYU’s 38-8 pasting of Oregon in last night’s Las Vegas Bowl, ESPN ran a feature on how the Oregon players and coaches work with Nike to design those gawd-awful uniforms.

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ on a moped, how fruity is that?! Why not change the team name from the Ducks to the Battling Halstons? Then they go out and get waxed by a Mountain West team — that’s got be great for recruiting!

Hey boys, if you want to be fashion designers, sashay on up to Eugene, Oregon!

I’m a proud USC alum, but if I ever hear Pete Carroll talking about threads per inch, I swear to god I’m going to renounce my allegiance . . .

The Years Have Been Kind to Me

 
Old man with cat

I was at the corporate office of a well-known company here in Irvine yesterday when I saw the name “Tim Jones” on one of the offices.

“Hmmm,” I thought, “I used to work with a Tim Jones [not his real name] about 20 years ago. I wonder if it’s the same guy?”

The door was closed, but I was able to peep through the glass as I walked by and saw what looked to be Tim Jones’ grandfather.

It’s amazing how Tim Jones has fallen apart over the last 20 years while I myself have not aged a single day . . .