Overheard
The Job Is Only Half Done
Pundits say Trump has destroyed the Republican party. I say that's one party down, one to go. The job is only half done. #trump
— Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays) March 27, 2016
See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]
Greetings from the afterlife!
I love it when people say “Get thee behind me, Satan.”
I am behind you. I’m thinking of giving you a shove.
See you in Hell . . .
Tiptoeing Around Reality
Counter terrorism, like law enforcement, works best when everyone tiptoes around glaring demographic realities: pic.twitter.com/OluHudPBfp
— Conservative Pundit (@DemsRRealRacist) March 25, 2016
Ruff Sex
I assumed every woman with a dog (not just a wiener dog) is doing this, minus the videos of course . . .
Police charge that the South Carolina suspect got intimate with a Dachshund on her 23rd birthday…
Posted by The Smoking Gun on Friday, March 25, 2016
Why Are Anxiety Disorders So Prevalent?
Evolutionary pressures led humans to develop cognitive biases . . .
An Inevitable and Perfect Future
I control the rhythm and length of my strides: a half second for each step, a step and a half for each yard, eighty yards a minute. Of my own free will I am walking toward an inevitable and perfect future.
You Look Like an OAF
A colleague shows up in the office today with dark glasses and a toothpick in his mouth.
“It’s my OAF look,” he explains.
“Is that an acronym or are you spelling the word ‘oaf'”?
Tell Us a Scary Story
“Tell us a scary story”
*Put flashlight to face*
There was once an opinion that differed from yours
*Emory students gasp*
In chalk
*Screams*— Daniel Lin (@DLin71) March 24, 2016
A Lesson in Free Markets
Just Us Kids
Just us kids in the parking lot
Out here givin’ it all we got
We don’t want to get old and die
And there ain’t nothing we wouldn’t tryYa know we could really have it all
Our kid’s gonna graduate next fall
I could take retirement in 10 years
It’s a damn short movie
How’d we ever get here?Just us kids hangin’ out today
Watchin’ our long hair turnin’ gray
Not so skinny maybe not so free
Not so many as we used to be
A Brutally Honest Tagline
A Brutally Honest Tagline https://t.co/3hndnyEYTS #branding #startup #brand pic.twitter.com/r8KvhSR9Kt
— Igor Naming Agency (@igornaming) March 16, 2016
The Art of the Meal
We Guarantee You There’s No Problem.
Product Name of the Day:
"Trump Footlong" https://t.co/KDi9gkH3Io… #naming #startup #trump #chicago pic.twitter.com/JCkST0ZAS6
— Igor Naming Agency (@igornaming) March 13, 2016
I’ve Never Even Been to Chicago
This is not true, I’ve never even been to Chicago.
— Lightning 
More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Full-Throated
“Full-throated” seems to be used a lot lately to describe politicians and their utterances, i.e., full-throated endorsements, full-throated denunciations, etc.
What a pretentious nonsense word. Instead, just say “loud.”
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Joe Lunardi
Does anyone have a more useless job than “bracketologist” Joe Lunardi? He spends the entire college basketball season forecasting tournament seedings: this team’s in, this team’s out, this team’s on the bubble, this team is going to be seeded number whatever . . .
Then the season ends and the actual tournament seedings are announced, making all of Joe Lunardi’s work meaningless. Either the actual seedings line up closely with Joe Lunardi’s predictions or they don’t, but other than Joe Lunardi, who cares?
On that note, here’s an article by Joe Lunardi explaining “how the selection committee got so much wrong” with this year’s brackets:
The committee’s performance is slipping, year over year, and it’s my job to point that out when necessary. . . . what you have is a selection and bracketing process that appears to have gone off the rails.
Actually Joe, your job, if I understand it correctly, is to accurately forecast the results of the selection committee. It’s not the job of the selection committee to match your predictions. And if your predictions don’t match the actual selections, that doesn’t indicate that the selection committee sucks, it indicates that you suck.
This Was the Room I Had to Live In
This was the room I had to live in. It was all I had in the way of a home. In it was everything that was mine, that had any association for me, anything that took the place of a family. Not much; a few books, pictures, radio, chessmen, old letters, stuff like that. Nothing. Such as they were they had all my memories.
Fun Fact of the Day
If you try to send “Oh good” as an email reply but type “Oh god” by mistake, your spell checker will not flag that as an error.
Chuck and Chip
I’d like to work with a guy named Chuck because I like the word “upchuck,” as in “What’s up Chuck?” That’s something I would say a lot.
It’s also a dream of mine to work with someone named Chip so every day when one of us went home I could say “Goodbye Mr. Chip.”
You Already Know Who I Am
I clicked an Unsubscribe link from an email and got a web page with this form:
YOU ALREADY HAVE MY EMAIL ADDRESS! YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THIS LINK IN IT!